


Fight or Flight

by GeekLover



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Actor RPF - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Angst, Banter, Dirty Talk, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, RPF, Secret Crush, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:28:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 72,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: With planning a bachelor party weekend in Vegas, you have to know that anything could happen. Timmy knew that things might get unpredictable as he planned this weekend for his best friend, Armie. Getting blackout drunk, gambling way too much, someone going missing, a tiger in the bathroom - these are things he could handle.  What he couldn't handle was his best friend telling Timmy he had feelings for him. That was definitely not part of the plan.
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 414
Kudos: 263
Collections: CMBYN Big Bang 2019





	1. A Plan For a Good Time

**Author's Note:**

> Based on rainbowdazzle/ChunkMonk's awesome prompt - Charmie wedding conundrum AU: Armie and Timmy are “met each other in college-roomed together for four years-been through it all together” type best friends. They are bonded like brothers! Ok so maaaaybe Timmy used to have a mad case of unrequited feelings for Armie, but he’s been over that for a while now. He’s happy, living his best life with his sweet boyfriend, and Armie, well he’s about to walk down the aisle and marry his long term girlfriend, and Timmy is set to be his best man. Everything is kosher until Armie gets trashed on the night of his bachelor party. While Timmy is being a good friend and an excellent best man, taking Armie home and caring for him in his inebriated state, Armie drunkenly admits that he thinks he’s making a mistake by getting married…..because he has feelings for Timmy. He has for years. He might even be in love with him, but he’s just been too scared to face those feelings and admit to himself that he might not be so straight. The confession rocks Timmys world, but when the next day comes and Armie doesn’t remember a thing from the night before, Timmy has no idea what to do. Does he risk bringing it up and seeing what happens? Or does he let sleeping dogs lie? And is Timmy as over Armie as he thought he was?
> 
> Thanks to ashleymoshow for looking this over for me!
> 
> Also, thanks to the mods for putting on such a wonderful fest!
> 
> Theme: Firsts

As he checked his black leather backpack for what felt like the hundredth time, Timmy was sure this time he must have everything he needed. This time he even used a checklist. When he was sure he had everything, he zipped up the bag. The second he did that, it hit him that he had forgotten one more thing. 

“Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ!” Timmy threw his head back and groaned. “Get it together, Chalamet!”

He heard a soft chuckle behind him and rolled his eyes before he looked over his shoulder and threw what was supposed to be a dirty look at his boyfriend, Lucas Hedges, standing in the doorway. The dirty look didn’t quite land since the corners of his lips quirked up into a smile.

“Don’t start.”

“What did you forget this time?” Lucas walked through the door while taking off his messenger bag and throwing it down beside Timmy’s suitcase on the blue checkered bedspread.

“My phone charger.” Timmy sighed as he marched toward the nightstand and unplugged said charger.

When Lucas threw him a patient, but knowing look, Timmy looked down with a sheepish pout. 

“And my headphones. And my sunglasses…”

After letting out a short chuckle, Lucas quickly covered his mouth.

“And my underwear,” Timmy finished.

“Your underwear?” Lucas’s eyes widened and he shook his head as he walked towards Timmy. “I know it’s a Vegas bachelor party, but just how much fun were you planning on having?”

“Haha!” Timmy let out a short mock laugh as he crossed his arms over his chest. “It wasn’t on purpose. I don’t even know how I could forget something like that.”

“I thought you were going to use a checklist this time?”

“I forgot to use it at first.” Timmy winced.

Lucas laughed openly before closing the distance between them and running a hand through Timmy’s chocolate brown curls. “You’re so cute.”

“Even though I’m so forgetful?”

“Yes. You needing a checklist to remind you to pack your underwear - and somehow still forgetting to pack them - is one of the many reasons you’re the most adorable thing on the planet.” He planted a soft kiss on Timmy’s lips.

Timmy grinned into the kiss before stepping back. “It’s a miracle I’ve been able to plan this weekend without forgetting anything, but I’m sure that I haven’t. Everyone - except Will, Giullian, and me - are already on their way to Vegas. Will texted twenty minutes ago and he and Giullian are already on the way to the airport and will meet me there.”

His best friend Armie Hammer was getting married and Timmy was the best man. Even though Giullian and Will were Timmy’s childhood friends, Armie had invited them to attend the bachelor party weekend. With how close Timmy and Armie became in college, and how much time they spent together, all of their friends ended up meeting and getting to spend a lot of time together as well. Armie was friends with Timmy’s friends just like Timmy became close to Armie’s childhood friends - Nick Delli Santi, Tyler Ramsey, and his brother Ashton.

Will and Armie also became close because Will was an actor who worked with Armie’s actress fiancée, Elizabeth Chambers, on a show for the CW. When Armie visited the set he would end up spending more time in Will’s trailer than Elizabeth’s. 

“The hotel rooms are all paid for.” Timmy continued. “Everyone has their tickets for Jerry Seinfeld and for the concert. And I called Canyon Tours and the SUVs should be there to pick us up at one o’clock.”

“You are on top of everything.” Lucas whistled.

“Your best friend doesn’t get married every day,” Timmy replied wistfully with a small smile. “Armie trusted me to do this and I don’t want to let him down.”

Armie and Timmy had been best friends for years ever since they were roommates in college. For Timmy, it was safe to say that Armie was unlike anyone he had ever met. For one thing, he was the most gorgeous person Timmy had ever laid eyes on. His rugged looks rivaled any movie stars with piercing blue eyes that Timmy had spent way too many nights fantasizing about.

The most beautiful thing about Armie, though, wasn’t his face. Given his looks and his family’s social status, Armie could have been an elitist, egotistical snob but he was the most wonderfully down-to-earth person. He was funny, smart, talented, patient, and unbelievably kind. Because he was so ridiculously lovable, Timmy blamed Armie for the unrequited crush he had on him for years. 

They had been there for each other so many major life events - good and bad. This included when Armie’s father Michael died during their junior year. Armie was the first person Timmy had come out to.

When Armie got engaged, Timmy seemed like the natural pick for his best man so he wasn’t exactly surprised when Armie officially made the request. Timmy was honored to be asked and happily accepted. While they had always been close, he thought to help Armie plan his wedding would be a wonderful bonding experience, but unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect on their friendship.

At first, Timmy didn’t notice much of a change. They didn’t talk quite as much but he chalked that up to Armie being newly engaged with a million things to do. Plus, at the time he and Lucas were just starting to get serious. He and Lucas were also working together writing songs and spent the bulk of their time together.

But over the last six months, the distance between them really started to grow and Timmy began to notice. The only thing they talked about - the few times they talked - was the wedding and the bachelor party. They never FaceTime’d anymore. A part of Timmy thought maybe he was just being oversensitive, but he could sense that there was something up with Armie. Maybe it was just something simple like pre-wedding jitters but he didn’t know why that would affect their friendship. 

Despite his growing worry, Timmy had never brought it up to Armie. Even though the name of the game this weekend was to have fun, Timmy thought he might try and broach the subject with Armie while they were together. With Armie about to become a married man, his time with him was probably not going to increase and there might not be a better time to talk to him.

Bringing him back to the present, Lucas smiled at him while rubbing his hand up and down Timmy’s left arm. “You’ve definitely gone all out for this.”

“I wouldn’t really put it that way.” Timmy shrugged. 

“You’ve spent a lot of money,” Lucas added.

“It’s not been that much.” Timmy waved away Lucas’s comment. “Everyone paid their fair share for the comedy club, the concert, and everything else. The only thing I paid for alone was the tour and only because I want it to be a surprise for Armie and I wasn’t sure if Ashton and Tyler would be able to keep it to themselves.”

Timmy sauntered over to Lucas and put his arms around his neck. 

“Besides, I can afford it now.” He winked at Lucas who grinned.

For years, Timmy had been a somewhat struggling songwriter. He had sold a couple of songs to some indie artists, but he had never been able to make much money at it. When he and Lucas met backstage at a concert for a mutual friend of theirs, the two instantly hit it off, at first simply as friends. The friendship gradually turned to them working together before they became romantically involved. 

A while ago, Timmy and Lucas had sold a couple of their songs to an up and coming artist, Saoirse Ronan, who was working on her second album. She was an Indie Pop artist in the vein of Sia and Florence + the Machine. While her first album had done moderately well, it remained to be seen how much her popularity would increase. Neither had realized one of their songs “Lady Bird” would be her first single. 

So far the song was a modest hit, and with it, Saoirse’s popularity was definitely on the rise. Most importantly for Timmy, for the first time ever, he was making serious money doing something that he loved. That he got to do it with someone who was becoming increasingly important to him was the icing on the cake.

“Yes, you can.” Lucas rubbed his nose against Timmy’s. “We are rich men, aren’t we.” He chuckled. “Though since you’re going to Vegas maybe not rich for too long.”

“I told you I’m not doing any gambling.”

“Right.” Lucas nodded. “A 'no gambling, no drinking' bachelor party in Vegas. I’m sure this group of guys will stick to that plan. I think Ashton especially will probably spend half the time in and out of every strip joint he can find.”

Playfully slapping Lucas’s chest, Timmy walked back over to his luggage. “I never said no gambling whatsoever. I haven’t planned out every second, or even every hour, of our weekend. If anyone else wants to gamble they can. _I_ won’t be. As for drinking, I doubt this will be a completely dry weekend, either but I think the guys will do their best, especially around Tyler.”

Tyler was a recovering addict who had been sober for two years. Despite that, it had actually been his idea to have the bachelor weekend in Vegas.

It had been something Armie and his friends had talked about for ages. Tyler didn’t want Armie to not have the experience just because of him. Armie being Armie, he insisted it didn’t matter and they could do it somewhere else. His friends’ well-being was more important to him than anything. 

One of the great things about Tyler was that he was a very fun, adventurous guy who loved a challenge. He got Armie to change his mind by telling him that he would consider it a fun challenge to find a way to have fun in Vegas without consuming a drop of alcohol. 

Timmy did his own research and was surprised to find there were actually a ton of activities to do in Vegas that didn’t involve gambling and you could do stone-cold sober. 

He actually was really proud of how well he’d done planning this whole thing. 

“That’s true.” Lucas sat down on the bed and played with one of the straps of Timmy’s backpack. “They are good guys. I think you guys will have fun.”

“I hope so. If I can manage to keep it together. I’ve been doing so well lately. I don’t know why I’ve been so forgetful today of all days.” Timmy took out his wallet and double-checked to make sure everything was in order.

“Well, as you said, you don’t want to let Armie down and it makes sense that you’re nervous because you want everything to go perfectly,” Lucas replied before he reached over and intertwined his and Timmy’s hands. “But, I think the main reason you’ve been so forgetful this morning is - maybe subconsciously - you’re doing anything you can to avoid going on a plane.”

Timmy put down his wallet and sighed. “I do really hate flying.” He cocked his head to the side and grinned at Lucas. “You know if the whole songwriting thing doesn’t work out, you could become a psychiatrist.”

Scrunching up his nose, Lucas seemed to ponder this for a second before he shook his head. “Nah. I think I’m more suited to be on the psychiatrist’s couch than behind the desk.”

Chuckling softly, Timmy plopped down next to Lucas. He put his head on his shoulder. “I wish I could just do the road trip thing like Armie and Tyler.”

Even though Armie didn’t have the same fear of flying that Timmy did, he and Tyler had decided to have some fun by driving down from Los Angeles to Las Vegas together. They’d left at the crack of dawn and Armie had texted Timmy a cute video of Armie looking annoyed/frightened over the song Tyler was forcing him to listen to.

Unfortunately for Timmy, since he was in New York, he didn’t really have the luxury - or time - to go on an extended road trip. Biting his thumbnail, Timmy scuffed his black boot against the tan carpet. 

“I’m not looking forward to the flight, but it is only for three hours. I have my music. I have my iPad. I have my breathing techniques. I think I’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” Lucas ran his hand down the sleeve of Timmy’s green and black long-sleeved plaid shirt. “You’ll certainly be warm enough.”

Timmy snorted. “It’s not that bad. I’m only wearing two layers.”

“Instead of the usual fifteen,” they both said at the same time and started to laugh.

Lucas put his arm around Timmy. “And, I’m sure that even though it’s probably going to be upwards of 90 degrees in Vegas, you’ve packed tons more long-sleeved shirts.”

“Not tons more.” Timmy lifted up his head. “Besides, I need something to keep me warm at night since you’re not going to be there.”

A slow smirk spread over Lucas’s mouth and his gaze landed on Timmy’s lips. “So, you’re going to miss me, huh?”

Without saying anything, Timmy bit his lip and nodded.

“Do you need me to keep you warm right now?” Not waiting for an answer, Lucas leaned over Timmy and pressed him backward on to the bed. 

As Lucas started to nibble on his neck, Timmy giggled. “While this is fun, I don’t really think we have time for this.” He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone and glanced at the time. “My flight is in almost two hours.”

“I just need fifteen minutes,” Lucas said as he snaked his hands under Timmy’s shirt.

Immediately, Timmy yelped. “Your hands are freezing. So much for warming me up.”

Lucas pulled back and his grin turned more wicked than seductive. “I could just…” His fingers danced along Timmy’s stomach. “...Tickle you instead.”

Squirming and laughing, Timmy started to push Lucas off when he felt his phone vibrate in his hand. “Lucas, let me-” Lucas must have hit an especially ticklish area because Timmy squeaked and laughed louder.

When his phone continued to vibrate, Timmy finally glanced at it. He instantly stopped squirming. 

Armie.

“It’s Armie.” Timmy instantly squeezed out from under Lucas and stood up before he answered the call. “Hey, Armie.”

“Hey.” His voice sounded a bit strained.

“Is everything okay?”

“Uh...yeah. I’ve just realized I’m about to get married and I’ve stupidly put my life on the line by going on a five-hour car ride with a wannabe Dominic Torreto,” Armie explained his voice seeming to get higher pitched with every word.

Timmy let out a loud cackle. “So, Tyler’s still driving, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m supposed to take over in a half an hour but I’m afraid it might be hard to drive while I’m still shaking in terror.”

Shaking his head, Timmy couldn’t help smiling as he pictured Tyler driving like a madman with poor Armie clutching on for dear life to anything within arm’s reach. 

“But, maybe this is a good thing. With my life flashing before my eyes, it might help me finally write my vows.” Armie chuckled.

“You still haven’t written your vows?”

“No.” Armie groaned. “I guess my writer’s block has extended to this as well.” 

While Timmy couldn’t see his face, he could hear the frown in Armie’s voice. Armie was a writer like Timmy. He’d wanted to be a screenwriter for as long as Timmy had known him. Even though Armie was a star athlete, his heart was only truly into writing. Whenever he wasn’t studying or practicing, he wrote mini-screenplays. 

One of the first things he and Timmy bonded over was writing. He always considered it an honor that he was one of the only people Armie showed his writing to. It was easy to figure out when Armie finished something he was particularly proud of because he would greet Timmy at the door of their room like a puppy greeting their master who was away for years. Then he would drag Timmy inside and sit him down and hand him his laptop. Armie would vacillate between pacing and bouncing around with excitement as he waited for him to finish.

Smiling at the memory, Timmy could picture Armie’s beaming face every time he told him how much he liked what he wrote - which was always. Even when he was giving him constructive notes, the smile never strayed from Armie’s face.

Unfortunately, like Timmy, Armie struggled sometimes to make a living writing. He had written a few short films and had even written a couple of scripts for a drama on the USA network but he hadn’t made it big or written his first full screenplay yet. This year he was finally going to give it a real try, but a bad case of writer’s block seemed to hit him a few months ago. 

Blinking and trying to focus, Timmy cleared his throat. “You still have time.”

“Yeah, a whole eight days,” Armie grumbled.

“My dad told me he didn’t write his vows until the morning of his wedding. It doesn’t matter when it comes to you, as long as it does.” Timmy tried to sound as reassuring as possible.

“I guess you’re right.” Armie sighed. “There you go again - being the best best man possible.”

It was silly but Timmy could feel his cheeks reddening and swell as he beamed at Armie’s praise.

“It feels like old times.” Armie’s tone sounded wistful suddenly. “The way I’d always get down on myself or panic about something and you would talk me down.”

“I was always happy to do it,” Timmy whispered.

“I know.” Armie let out a long sigh. “I miss you.”

Shutting his eyes tightly, Timmy gripped his phone as he swallowed down the intense emotions that sprang up. He hugged his arm around his stomach and stared down at the floor. He’d definitely been missing Armie, too but hearing him bring it up seemed to cause all of that sadness to come rushing to the surface all at once. 

At the same time, he also was relieved to know that Armie missed him, too. By saying that, Timmy knew he wasn’t just imagining the distance between them over the last few months.

“Timmy?”

“Yeah.” Timmy chewed on his bottom lip and nodded before he remembered that Armie couldn’t see him. “I know. Me, too.” 

He heard a soft sound behind him, and looked over his shoulder and saw Lucas sitting up on the bed. 

Not wanting an audience right now, Timmy moved the phone away from his ear. “I’m just going to…” He gestured to the door with his head and finger.

Lucas just bowed his head with a tight-lipped smile.

“Are you still there, Timmy?” Armie said when Timmy pressed the phone back to his ear, after closing his bedroom door.

“Yeah. I was just talking to Lucas for a second.” He made his way over the living room of his small apartment and stepped out onto the balcony.

“Oh.” Armie cleared his throat. “How’s he doing?”

“Good,” Timmy replied instantly. “He’s a little bummed he can’t attend the bachelor party but he’ll definitely be at the wedding.”

“Great,” Armie said in a tone that was much too chipper. “Viktor’s sad about missing the bachelor party, too. But I told him that’s what he gets for being a big-time heart surgeon. He can’t be gallivanting around Vegas when he has patients to see and lives to save. His bachelor party was pretty epic. I think I did a good job if I do say so myself. ”

It sounded like Armie was just talking now to fill the dead, awkward air between them. He always got ramble-y like this when he was trying to avoid saying something.

Once he stopped talking, Timmy wasn’t sure what to do. Should he wait for Armie to say whatever it was he wanted to say? Should he fill the silence himself? He wasn’t sure if now was the time to bring up what he had wanted to talk about this weekend or not.

“Ugh, I just...I just…” Armie stammered. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you. I know I’ve been a little weird lately and I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay.” It was like he was reading his mind. It was definitely like old times again.

“No, it’s not,” Armie insisted. “You’ve been really amazing helping - not only with the bachelor party - but with the wedding, too. I didn’t even know there were that many options for tuxedos.” He huffed out a small laugh. “I think Elizabeth would find you more helpful than me. It’s a miracle I haven’t screwed anything up yet.”

“Stop.” Timmy gripped the railing and tried not to sound annoyed. 

Outwardly to most people, Armie seemed like someone brimming with confidence and cocky charm. It was astounding to Timmy how much self-loathing Armie felt and could express. Timmy hated it more than he could say, but getting mad at Armie about it wouldn’t help. 

“You wouldn’t screw anything up,” Timmy said with confidence.

“Because you wouldn’t let me.”

“I have your back just like you have mine.” Timmy smiled.

“Absolutely...and always.” 

The sincerity in his voice made Timmy’s heart melt. While he was sure his crush on Armie was a thing of the past - he’d had to come to terms with Armie’s relationship with Elizabeth a long time ago and he was happy with Lucas now - when he sounded so sweet like that, sometimes Timmy couldn’t help - 

“Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ, Tyler!” Armie shouted. “Could you please not fucking kill any old ladies on our way to Vegas? I’m pretty sure Elizabeth isn’t going to go for the whole pinstripe look for our wedding.”

Though he tried, Timmy couldn’t make out Tyler’s reply but whatever he said caused Armie to snicker, though he stopped quickly because he was clearly still annoyed with his speed demon friend behind the wheel.

“What did he say?” Timmy asked.

“He, oh so helpfully, said prisoners don’t really wear pinstripes anymore. ‘Orange is the new black, baby’ end quote.”

Timmy let out a long, wheezing laugh. If it wasn’t for Armie’s gut-busting sense of humor, Tyler would probably be the funniest person he knew.

He also couldn’t help giggling at Armie’s use of “Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ.” That was a habit he’d picked up from Timmy. It was a favorite phrase of Timmy’s favorite uncle, Paul. To keep from cursing in front of Timmy he would say that instead. It always made Timmy giggle and he started saying it all the time, especially to keep from cursing in front of his mother.

When he said it in front of Armie for the first time, he just burst out laughing and teased Timmy about mercilessly. It became an inside joke between the two of them and he always smiled when Armie used it now.

“So, even odds you guys make it to Vegas alive?” Timmy replied after his laughter died down.

“Even odds if I’m lucky.” Despite still sounding a little anxious, Armie chuckled.

“You know, despite the daredevil behind the wheel, I think I’d much prefer to drive up there with you guys than getting on a damn plane.” Timmy straightened up and started biting his thumbnail again.

“Timmy…” Armie paused. “Do you have your thumb in your mouth?” 

“What? No!” He immediately removed his thumb and his hand fell to his side.

“Uh-huh,” Armie said, clearly unconvinced. “Look, it’s going to be okay. Even odds you make it there alive.” He tried to tease good-naturedly.

He wanted to laugh in response to Armie’s obvious attempt to cheer him up, but his anxiety was starting to get the better of him.

“You’ve got this, you know. You’ve got your breathing exercises and if you need to you can hold Giullian or Will’s hands, or both.”

As much as he loved them, it wasn’t Giullian or Will’s hands that he wanted to hold. He almost blurted that out to Armie. His other friends were great, but Armie just knew how to put him at ease. He’d only been on a few flights in his life and Armie had been there for most of them. 

Only the second time he’d ever been on a plane - the first time since he was a kid - was when he accompanied Armie to visit his dying father in the hospital. Timmy had come with him to comfort Armie and instead, he had to start the trip talking an anxiety-riddled Timmy down. 

At one point, it wasn’t just talking. During a particularly bumpy bout of turbulence where Timmy started to hyperventilate, Armie took his hand and sang Mariah Carey’s “Always Be My Baby” (Armie had apologized for the song choice but said it had been the first song to pop into his head since Timmy listened to it often.) 

No apology was necessary. The singing did the trick - that and the fact that Armie didn’t stop holding his hand for the rest of the flight. 

“I doubt either of them will sing to you, though,” Armie chuckled.

It was like he was reading his mind again. It was kind of spooky, but it was so right and so them. To feel this kind of connection again, despite the awkward last few months, was so gratifying to Timmy and he felt lighter than he had in months. He smiled and was about to say something but was interrupted by a shrill noise.

A timer on Timmy’s phone went off. He groaned. “Looks like I have two hours left until my flight. I should probably go,” he said with a reluctance to let Armie go.

“Was that...a timer?” Armie asked with more shock than Timmy thought was warranted.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Who is this and what did you do with my Timmy Tim?”

“Oh, fuck off!” God, Timmy hated that nickname though a small voice in the back of his head did really love the way Armie called him “my Timmy Tim.” “I use timers. I can be very organized when it really matters.”

“You do have a point.” Armie sighed. “I wouldn’t have passed senior year if it wasn’t for you.”

“See.” Timmy grinned. 

“Just don’t get _too_ organized. I’d hate for you to change too much. I like you the way you are.” There was fondness dripping from every word.

If Timmy looked into a mirror, he knew his face was probably bright red. He tried to respond but it was difficult with how hard he was smiling. “Same to you.”

The pause seemed to stretch out infinitely before Armie cleared his throat. “Okay, I’ll let you go. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“I’ll see you. Bye.” After lingering on the line for a few more seconds, Timmy hung up first. It took him a few minutes to go back inside while waiting for the huge grin on his face to fade.

When he finally made his way back to his bedroom, Lucas was sitting on the bed looking at something on his phone. As soon as Timmy walked in, Lucas’s attention turned to him and he set his phone aside.

“How’s Armie?”

“Fearful for his life.” When Lucas shot him a confused look, Timmy chuckled and waved his hands. “It’s just Tyler’s driving like a madman. I think Armie’s worried he might puke or die any minute.”

“I don’t know why you guys assumed a sober Tyler meant a saner Tyler,” Lucas joked as he stuffed his phone in his pocket.

Timmy snickered as he walked over to the bed and picked up his suitcase and dragged it over by the door.

“So, other than fearful for his life, how is Armie?” Lucas asked.

“He sounds like he’s okay,” Timmy said as he turned back to him.

“I’m guessing he’s all broken up that I’m not coming this weekend.” His expression was neutral but there was clear irritation in his voice.

Generally speaking, Lucas wasn’t a very jealous person and he and Armie got along the few times they’d met in person but every now and then he’d make these kinds of passive-aggressive comments about Armie. Though, if Timmy was being fair, Armie had made a few “light-hearted” jokes about Lucas, though never to Lucas’s face.

“Come on,” Timmy said approaching him and running his hands lightly up his chest. “Armie would like to have you there.”

“Armie doesn’t like me.”

“That’s not true.” He immediately shook his head.

“He interrogated me for a half an hour the first night we met on everything from where I grew up to where _my parents_ went to college.” Lucas chewed on his bottom lip and scowled down at the floor.

“Lucas, that was over a year ago!” Timmy couldn’t believe he was still annoyed about that. “I think calling it an interrogation is a bit of a stretch and, yeah, he asked a few weird questions that night but it’s because he’s so protective of me. I’m the same way with him. You don’t even want to know how long it took me to warm up to Elizabeth.”

“That’s because of your crush on Armie. What’s his excuse?” Lucas asked with a pointed stare.

Timmy had told Lucas about his former crush on Armie a few months into their relationship. They were drunk one night and started talking about all sorts of random things including the sexiest men they knew. Lucas was the one that mentioned Armie and when Timmy went on a little too long about how many times he’d seen Armie naked in school, Lucas joked about Timmy having a crush on Armie. Having no filter at all when he was drunk that was when Timmy admitted that he used to have a crush on him.

The next day, under the influence of strong coffee and not tequila, he regretted that admission. He assured Lucas his crush was minor and over long ago. While Lucas said he believed him that’s when the passive-aggressive comments started.

“He’s my best friend,” Timmy answered. He put his arms around Lucas’s waist. “You’re allowed to be protective of your best friend.”

“You know, a more insecure boyfriend would think that they should be your best friend.” Lucas pursed his lips. 

“Then it’s a good thing I don’t have an insecure boyfriend.” Timmy batted his eyes at Lucas and Lucas’s annoyed expression softened immediately. He kissed Lucas softly and pressed their foreheads together. “You seem a little grumpy.”

“Well, I’m going to miss you.” He frowned. 

“It’s only for three days and you’ll have fun this weekend with your family.” Timmy held his face in his hands and caressed his cheeks with his thumbs.

“You’ve met my family, right?” His smile was tight-lipped as he backed away and started to make tracks in the carpet.

This weekend Lucas was going up to visit his family in Chicago. His brother, Ryan, had just graduated from college and his parents were throwing him a party. Lucas’s parents, Peter and Cindy, were always super nice to Timmy and seemed like great people, but of course, they weren’t Timmy’s parents and didn’t constantly question his every major life choice and try to influence his decisions.

Cindy was constantly trying to fix Lucas up, but since she actually liked Timmy, now she had switched tacks and kept not so subtly hinting at marriage despite Timmy and Lucas only having been together for a year and a half. Peter wanted Lucas to follow in his footsteps as a lawyer and always needled Lucas about his chosen profession having no future.

Despite that, Timmy thought the two of them combined weren’t nearly as bad with their judgments, criticisms, and meddling as Armie’s mother Dru was. Armie loved his mother in spite of her numerous flaws, so Timmy tried not to badmouth her to Armie’s face, but he considered her an insufferable, horribly controlling ice queen.

“I love my brother and I am proud of him,” Lucas began as he finally slowed down his pacing. “But I know this weekend, I’ll never hear the end of how he got into law school and how happy he and his girlfriend are.”

“Yes, but this time you have your own success to wave - politely - in their faces,” Timmy said triumphantly. “Your brother didn’t co-write a hit song. Your brother isn’t in talks to co-write every song on rising star Saoirse Ronan’s next album. You are a success and you can show them that.”

A glowing smile formed on Lucas’s face as he nodded. “This is why I’m going to miss you, even if it’s only for three days.” He gripped Timmy’s face and gave him a long, hard kiss.

Timmy squeezed his hands after they parted. “Okay. I should go.”

“Alright,” Lucas replied with sadness and dropped his hands.

They separated and Timmy retrieved his backpack and took a look around the room as he backed up towards the door.

“And you’re sure you have everything?” Lucas asked as he walked with him.

“99% sure,” Timmy said as he finished his examination of the room.

Just as Timmy was about to say good-bye for the last time, Lucas held up his hands. “Wait, did you remember Armie’s gift?”

“Absolutely.” Timmy patted his jeans pocket without hesitation. 

This gift was so important that, despite how he felt about flying, if by some miracle Timmy had forgotten it he would have voluntarily flown back to New York just to get it and bring it to Armie. But that wouldn’t be necessary since he had actually been carrying it around for the last few days.

Timmy put his arms around Lucas and he squeezed him tightly. 

“I love you,” Lucas said, carding his hand through Timmy’s hair before he stepped back.

“Love you, too.” He swiped his brown Brentwood Country Mart hat from the dresser and put it on. “I’ll call you when I land.” 

“Okay. Have fun, but not too much fun. Don’t come back married or anything.” Lucas grinned.

“That’s highly unlikely.” Timmy chuckled. “The only one getting married anytime soon is Armie.”

As he headed to his car, Timmy thought about the plans for this weekend. It was Vegas, so of course, anything could happen and he really didn’t mind a certain level of unpredictability. All that really mattered was showing Armie an amazing time. As long as Armie went home happy, Timmy would consider this weekend a complete success.


	2. Reunited and it Feels so Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A number of reunions happen, some more fun than others.
> 
> They take a trip to Red Rock Canyon which brings up some complicated memories for Armie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting. The upside is that chapter 3 is already done and will be posted a lot sooner.
> 
> Thanks to ashleymoshow for checking this out for me. Any and all mistakes left are my fault.

Once they landed in Vegas, Timmy wanted to literally kiss the ground as soon as he stepped foot off the plane. It was one of the bumpiest flights he had ever been on. Granted, even a few seconds of turbulence was too much for him, but this flight seemed to just up his anxiety levels. 

Thankfully, Will and Giullian were on hand to help him out. While neither of them actually held his hand, they did regale him with tales of all the dysfunctional actors and actresses they’d worked with. A lot of times, he was too busy laughing to worry about his fears of crashing into the ocean.

They headed over to the hotel, Wynn Las Vegas, immediately and walked through the garden entrance - with fake trees inside with colored lanterns hanging from them. It looked like it was decorated for a wedding which felt appropriate for this weekend. 

After checking in, Timmy got updates on the rest of their group and discovered they were definitely the first ones to arrive. While Will and Giullian went up to their room to get settled in and to change, Timmy decided to wait for the rest of the guys 

Will and Giullian had decided to share a room, as did Ashton and Tyler. Nick and Timmy had decided to get their own rooms. They all chipped in for Armie to stay in one of the hotel’s luxurious suites.

As he waited for the others, he texted Lucas that he’d arrived. He wished Lucas his own safe flight to Chicago. Lucas texted him back and just as he was about to reply, he spotted a smiling Nick and Ashton strolling through the lobby.

After dashing off a quick reply to Lucas, Timmy went to meet the two of them, who instantly grinned when they spotted him approaching them.

“Can I take your bags, sirs?” Timmy suppressed a chuckle as he glanced at their minimal luggage.

Nick just had one small black suitcase and Ashton just one duffel bag that seemed to be covered in his dog Cody’s hair.

“Are you a bellhop now, Timmy Tim?” Nick smirked. “That’s quite a commute.”

“I love Armie, but I will hate him forever for telling you about that nickname.” Timmy pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Oh, don’t forget it wasn’t just the nickname,” Ashton added. “He introduced us to the wonder that is your videos.”

“How could I forget?” Timmy grimaced. 

This was all Armie’s fault - including the videos. 

Timmy had loved hip-hop music since he was a teenager and had a bad habit of blasting it whenever he was studying without any real consideration to others in his vicinity. One day, he was blasting some Jay-Z when Armie walked into their dorm room. To be considerate, he attempted to use his headphones but Armie said he liked it. He wasn’t allowed to listen to that type of music at home.

From then on, Timmy sort of became Armie’s rap tutor. Timmy had a ball introducing him to his favorite artists like Kanye West, Wiz Khalifa, and especially Kid Cudi.

After their team had a big football win, and they attended a particularly rowdy party, Timmy and Armie went back to their room and started blasting some Kanye and Timmy started rapping along, as he often did. For the first time though, Armie came up with a nickname for him and dubbed him Lil’ Timmy Tim.

The next day, to Timmy’s horror, he remembered they’d put the videos on YouTube. As fast as he could, he got online and deleted them. While it was hard to completely erase anything from the internet it seemed there was no harm done.

The only problem was Armie never deleted the videos from his phone. His reasoning had been it was too cute to let them disappear forever. Unfortunately, his friends got a hold of Armie’s phone and accidentally found them.

To say they never missed an opportunity to bring it up was an understatement. 

“Aww, don’t feel so bad, those videos serve a very good purpose.” Ashton put his arm around Timmy’s shoulder. “I know when I’m feeling down I look at those videos,” he started to crack up, “and I’m laughing so hard I instantly feel better.”

“So glad to be of service.” Timmy flipped him off.

“Oh, we’re just teasing,” Nick said as he put his arm around Timmy, too.

They both squeezed him between them and Ashton pinched his cheeks. He managed to get out from between them and rubbed the side of his face. Though he thought he threw them a devastating dirty look the harshness was undercut because he couldn’t help laughing. The two of them were truly like the big brothers he never asked for.

“In all seriousness, you’re very talented, Tim,” Nick said with true sincerity. “Not necessarily as a rapper but I heard that song of yours ‘Lady Bird’ and it’s pretty great.”

Timmy’s eyes widened.

“Yeah,” Ashton echoed.

This caused him to do a double-take. In no way did that song seem like the type of song Nick would enjoy and that went double for Ash.

“You heard it?”

“Yes. Armie made all of us listen to it on pain of death if we didn’t,” Nick explained. “Not necessarily going on my playlist, but I can see why it’s popular.”

“Yeah. If I had a girlfriend, I’d definitely recommend it to her.” Ashton clapped him on the shoulder.

Scrubbing the back of his neck, Timmy couldn’t help smiling especially knowing Armie asked them to listen to it.

His phone buzzed and he fished it out of his pocket. It was a text from Armie. He looked up at the guys. “Okay, we should probably get you guys checked in. Armie just texted and they’ll probably be here in ten or fifteen minutes.”

After easily picking up their luggage, Nick and Ashton followed Timmy to the front desk.

“We have a little time to get cleaned up and settle in but the SUVs are going to be here to pick us up by one. That’ll take up most of the day and we should be back at the hotel by 5:30. After that, I wanted to try and go to the First Friday Festival downtown for a little while - probably just a half-hour - then after we get back we can get a drink, maybe for twenty minutes or so, but we have to be at Caesars Palace before 7:30.” He rattled it off from memory.

They arrived at the front desk and stood behind a man with strawberry blonde hair waiting in line. When he looked over at Nick and Ashton they were staring at him as if he had grown a second head.

“What?” He shrugged. “You know about all of this.”

“I know,” Nick replied, still looking him up and down in a funny way. “It’s just hearing you lay it all out like that-”

“All you’d need is a long, blonde wig and I’d think we were talking to Elizabeth,” Ashton finished for him.

“Or Dru,” Nick added.

“Oh, come on.” Timmy rolled his eyes. “I’m not that bad. I have the first day planned a bit but there’s a lot of wiggle room for the next few days.”

“Okay,” Nick said as he stepped up to check-in.

“Armie doesn’t need his best friend turning into his mother. It’s bad enough he’s marrying someone exactly like her.” Ashton shuddered. ‘What is that called? Audible complex?”

Timmy and Nick snickered.

“Are you drunk already? That’s an app for audiobooks, lunkhead.” Nick looked at him over his shoulder. “It’s called an _Oedipal_ complex.”

Ashton seemed completely unfazed and shrugged. “Whatever you call it, I think it’s a little weird.”

“I think you guys are really reaching.” Timmy and Elizabeth weren’t super close but he felt compelled to defend her. No one should be compared to Dru.

Yes, Elizabeth and Dru had some similarities - being obsessively organized and being a bit shallow - but they weren’t exactly alike.

“Armie isn’t marrying his mother.”

“I don’t know why he’s getting married at all,” Ashton said taking Nick’s place as he prepared to check-in. “Why get married so soon?”

“Yeah, they’ve been dating for four years. That’s way too soon,” Nick replied in a snarky tone as he grinned at Ashton behind his back. “You’re just mad because he doesn’t believe in your idea that marriage is pointless and now that he’s getting married you’re the only single one of us left.”

Tyler was married to a lovely woman named Jacqueline and had two great kids. Nick was a newlywed himself having been married for two years to a fashion designer named Fiona.

Ashton was a sports journalist who always said he was way too busy to even date. Also, he vehemently disliked the idea of losing his independence and having to be accountable to anyone else.

“There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to get married,” Ashton shot back as he turned to them and stuffed his room key in his pocket.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married, either,” Timmy countered.

“Fine, you’re right.”

After they finished checking in, they made their way through a long hallway with a plush red carpet and tons of stores surrounding them.

“But Armie used to agree with me. I never thought he’d get married but Liz pushed this so…” Ashton shook his head and blew out a breath. “Never mind me. I’m probably just hungry - didn’t eat breakfast and the flight was crappy.”

“Aww, does someone need a nap?” Nick slapped his face lightly while chuckling. 

“Bite me, asshole.” Ashton slapped his hand away and kicked him in the shin. 

Just like that, the tension dissipated as Nick and Ash continued to horse around.

While Timmy laughed with them, he kept thinking of what Ash said and didn’t say. He’d clearly cut himself off at the end there before saying something else and Timmy really wondered what that something else was going to be.

It had always been Timmy’s impression that Armie’s friends liked Elizabeth but with Ash comparing her to Dru and indicating that he didn’t think Armie should get married, he wondered if they possibly knew something he didn’t.

When he suddenly noticed Nick waving his hand in front of his face, Timmy blinked up at him. “What?”

“I asked if Giullian and Will were up in their rooms?” Nick asked as they stopped in front of a row of elevators.

“Uh...yeah.” Timmy rubbed his eyes. “They wanted to get changed before we left again.”

“We should probably do the same thing.” Nick pushed the button for the elevator.

Ashton put his hand on Nick’s arm. “Wait. Since we have a few minutes before Tyler gets here maybe we could get a couple of drinks...or twelve. I think I’m ready to get drunk,” he declared.

“Of course you are.” Timmy snorted. “It’s only a day that ends in ‘y.’”

Instead of seeming offended, Ashton just smiled broadly. “I make no apologies for wanting to drink on my vacation. I just don’t want to do it in front of my brother.”

“For once, I have to agree with him.” The elevator doors opened. “But we should put our things in our rooms first,” Nick suggested.

“Yeah, sure.” Ashton held the elevator door open after Nick got in. “Are you coming with?” He asked Timmy.

“Not yet.” Timmy shook his head. “I’m going to wait for Armie and Tyler.”

“Little Timmy Tim - best man, event planner, bellhop, welcome wagon - what don’t you do?” Ashton teased.

“Well, I wouldn’t fuck you on a bet.” Timmy had a wicked grin plastered on his face.

“Oooh,” Nick burst out laughing and started to clap, jostling Ashton.

“You know you’d love a piece of this.” Ashton flicked his tongue out suggestively as the elevator doors closed.

Timmy just rolled his eyes and laughed and then headed back to the lobby. By the time he got there, he didn’t even have time to pull out his phone before he heard the wonderful sound of Armie’s booming laughter. Either he was talking to Ash and Nick longer than he thought or Armie underestimated how long it would take to get there. Whatever the case may be, he barely had time to prepare himself before Armie was walking towards him.

His breath caught in his throat as he laid eyes on him. It had been over six months since he’d actually seen Armie thanks to not even talking on FaceTime. Even if it hadn’t felt like forever, his reaction would have probably been the same. It was like that every time he saw him - as if he was being blinded by the sun.

Armie’s outfit was fairly simple - he was wearing a fitted, dark purple leather jacket over a navy blue shirt, and dark blue jeans. His hair was short on top and buzzed on the sides.

Maybe a slight exaggeration, but the only thing Timmy could think looking at him was this was as close to perfection as someone could look.

He had to close his eyes and inhale slowly. _Get a grip. This is your best friend. Your engaged best friend._ After repeating that one more time, he opened his eyes. When his gaze focused on Armie, it seemed that he had finally noticed Timmy and Armie stopped for a moment.

For a second he just blinked slowly, his eyes traveling up Timmy’s body and he seemed transfixed before a slow smile spread over his face and he started to move again - much faster than before. 

Timmy’s breathing began to quicken the closer Armie got to him. He took one more deep breath and then Armie was there in front of him, larger than life. As he exhaled and prepared to say something, he was caught off guard when Armie just scooped him up in a massive hug without saying a word.

There’s a small voice in the back of his mind that wondered if he should tell Armie that he’s holding on too tight, but the bigger, saner part ignored it and just enjoyed this feeling he hadn’t had in far too long. 

He closed his eyes and breathed Armie in - that strong smell of his favorite peach aftershave and his coconut shampoo. 

It could have gone on forever and Timmy would have been happy. He knew he missed Armie, but it didn’t seem like he really fathomed how much, until right now.

Eventually, Armie did pull back though he didn’t go too far and was still very clearly in Timmy’s personal space as Armie clutched his arms and just stared at him.

Feeling overwhelmed, Timmy chuckled uneasily and butted his head against Armie’s chest. When he finally was able to look into Armie’s eyes, they seemed like they were glistening.

“Are you crying?” Timmy tried to ask in a light-hearted way.

“I am.” Armie took a step back. “I’m so grateful to be alive after riding with this madman for hours.” He clapped Tyler on the shoulder. “These are tears of joy.” He laughed.

“You know you loved it!” Tyler replied, putting his arm around Armie and squeezing before he turned toward Timmy. “Come over here, you. I deserve a hug, too.”

“Well, of course, you do.” Timmy chuckled as he put his arms around Tyler. “You definitely do. So glad you’re here.”

“As am I.” After stepping back, Tyler picked up the handle of his luggage. “So happy to be in this land of sin getting ready to have the best possible time, but unlike you guys and the rest of these lushes,” he gestured to everyone milling around them, “I will remember every single minute of it.”

Snickering, Timmy and Armie shared an affectionate look as they both watched Tyler walk off and head towards the check-in desk. Same as the rest of them, checking in was fast and painless and soon they were heading towards their rooms. Timmy told them where everyone else had headed.

While Tyler talked their ears off about his latest art project and all the fun he planned on having this weekend, Timmy and Armie didn’t say much. Every so often, Timmy caught Armie staring at him then Armie would look away, which was nice since it gave Timmy a chance to stare at him.

“So, what is our first fun activity?” Tyler asked as they stopped in front of the door to Armie’s suite. “I want to make sure I’ve dressed appropriately.”

Timmy scrunched his nose as he looked Tyler up and down. He was wearing a paint-splattered denim jacket, plain white t-shirt, and jeans with torn holes at the knees. There was paint caked underneath his fingernails. He was pretty sure Tyler was someone who never cared about “dressing appropriately.”

“It’s just going to be a sort of short hiking thing, so what you have on is probably fine,” Timmy finally answered.

“Cool beans.” Tyler gave two thumbs up. 

Rubbing the back of his neck, Timmy fidgeted on the spot, glancing up at Armie once - who seemed fascinated by the design pattern of the carpet - before he cleared his throat. “You guys should probably get in and get settled. I’ll do the same and I’ll text you when the SUVs get here.”

“O-okay. Sounds like a plan,” Armie said crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’ll see you guys later.” Timmy gave an awkward wave, wincing as soon as he turned around.

Finally arriving at his room, Timmy let out a slow breath as he closed the door. As he slowly walked through the room, he spun around and gazed at his surroundings. He’d seen pictures of the room online, but it didn’t seem to do it justice. It was certainly spacious - more than any other hotel room he’d been in.

The room he got had a panoramic view with two walls of just floor-to-ceiling windows where he could see the gorgeous view outside. After setting his bags by the bed near the corner, he walked to the windows and got a closer look at the view. Though it was beautiful, the only gorgeous images he could retain in his head were the ones of Armie.

Suddenly feeling very thirsty, he checked out the mini-fridge by the dresser and was elated when he found a small bottle of orange juice. He opened it and chugged down a few gulps. 

No matter what else he tried to think of - Lucas, his favorite songs, the horrific world news - he couldn’t get Armie out of his head. He just looked so damn good today.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and Timmy got so startled he ended up spilling most of the juice on himself and some on the carpet. 

“Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ!” He cried. 

In his rush to avoid who knew what kind of penalties for staining the carpet of such an expensive room, he didn’t check his phone. He got some towels from the water closet and was able to wipe up what was a smaller spill than he had originally thought. 

His shirt was definitely done for the day. He took off both his plaid shirt and the black t-shirt underneath and was about to toss it when there was a knock on the door.

Still feeling a little frazzled, he absent-mindedly rushed towards the door and opened it without bothering to ask who it was. His eyes widened when he saw Armie standing there. 

Armie’s expression went from nervous to bemused to amused in about five seconds. 

Timmy’s expression stayed at “oh, fuck!”

“Armie, you’re here!” He said blinking up at him. 

“Well put. I am here.” Armie grinned.

“Right.” He rubbed at his forehead and shook his head. “I just - I didn’t think - I thought we were meeting downstairs later.”

“Yeah, we were but I texted you because I didn’t want to wait...to see you.” Armie hugged his arms around the middle of his chest.

“Oh, you texted me. I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I spilled some juice and I had to clean that up and now…” He looked down and realized he was standing there shirtless. “Now, I need to find a shirt.” He walked away leaving the door open.

Timmy ran to his suitcase and fumbled with the zipper before finally getting it open. He tossed around a few shirts, not sure if he wanted to wear what he was planning on for the stand-up show that night. He threw a nervous grin over his shoulder.

“This’ll just take a second.”

“Take as long as you need.” Armie held up his hands. “This is kind of reminding me of old times.”

Somehow, he could feel his face getting hotter than it already was. Timmy knew exactly what he meant. 

When they were in college, his crush on Armie was so intense and led to some awkward situations. The first day they met, it took a while for them to truly warm up to each other. Armie wasn’t hostile or anything, but he seemed a little stand-offish at first. 

Things began to thaw between them when they found out they were both English majors. They started talking about all kinds of topics - music, animals, fashion - and soon enough, he had Timmy laughing more than he ever had in his life. His stomach actually hurt from how hard he laughed at one point.

While he liked that they got along, he couldn’t help feeling like it was all so unfair. Armie was funny and gorgeous and sweet and yet, judging by the number of girlfriends he had in high school, totally straight. 

Logically, he tried to convince himself it was for the best since hooking up with your roommate could lead to a thorny situation if they ever broke up, but all logical considerations went out the window whenever Timmy saw Armie shirtless - which ended up being quite often.

Not only was Armie’s face like that of a Greek god, but so was his body. He knew it would be very hard to get over his crush if he was exposed to that body repeatedly. Given that they were roommates, it was inevitable they would see each other shirtless from time to time, but for them, it wasn’t just from time to time - Timmy swore for that first couple of months whenever they walked into the room, one of them was in some state of undress including the highly mortifying moment Timmy caught Armie masturbating in the middle of one afternoon.

It had been like God, or someone was playing a very unfunny joke on him. 

He’s honestly not sure when it stopped happening or if he just got used to it.

After an eternity, he finally pulled out a Gorillaz t-shirt and put that on before turning around to face Armie. “That’s better.”

“Depends on who you ask, I guess.” Armie bit his bottom lip.

Timmy put his face in his hand and knew he was about to test the theory if you could actually melt from embarrassment. How could he have forgotten what a shameless flirt Armie was and how he lived to fluster him. 

Lifting up his head, Timmy pointed at Armie. “Stop flirting.”

“Why?” Armie shrugged one shoulder. “I want to see if you can actually get as red as these flowers.” He gestured to the flowers all around them on the small table by the desk, on the nightstands, and the dresser.

“The only reason I’m getting red is that you caught me off guard. You won’t be able to get a reaction out of me for long just as soon as I get used to it again.” He turned around and zipped up his suitcase. He hoped Armie wouldn’t test him because he was definitely lying.

“Fine.” Armie sighed. “I won’t waste my flirting magic on you. Thanks for ruining all the fun.” There was a cute exaggerated pout on his face. 

The pout was soon gone replaced by a small smile and an intense look in his blue eyes. Armie stepped closer to him. 

Timmy wasn’t sure which was worse for his nerves - a flirty, Armie or the sincere, serious one facing him now. 

“I just wanted to see you and have some alone time together.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I know I’ve already told you how grateful I am, but I needed to tell you that face-to-face. I wouldn’t have been able to get through this without you.”

“Like I already told you, I’ve been so happy to help. You’re my best friend.” 

“I haven’t really been the greatest friend, though.” Armie’s shoulder slumped and he chewed on his bottom lip. “I hate that I’ve been so distant lately and it’s completely my fault. I should have been there for you. At the very least, I should have called you when you told me about ‘Lady Bird.’”

“In fairness, I didn’t call you about that, either,” he pointed out.

When he found out Saoirse had released “Lady Bird” as her first single, even before Lucas, Armie was the person Timmy wanted to reach out to first but their relationship was in an awkward stage and he wasn’t sure if Armie would have time to talk about it with the wedding planning. So, he just texted him about it.

A part of him had hoped that he would call him back and excitedly flail with him about the news and they could talk for hours. Instead, Armie had just texted him “Congrats. Looking forward to hearing it” and that was that. 

“But I know now how much you loved it and that means a lot.” Timmy smiled.

“How do you know that?” Armie’s brow furrowed.

“Nick and Ash,” he answered. “They said that you insisted they had to hear the song ‘on pain of death.’”

“Yeah, I was pretty insistent about that.” Armie grinned and rubbed at his red face. “It was just so amazing when I heard that song for the first time. It’s so beautiful. I was actually in like a Wal-Mart or something the other day and it came on and I turned to the woman next to me and said ‘my best friend wrote that.’” He wrinkled his nose. “I think I scared her because I was kind of loud and my tall ass got into her personal space. She dropped her cans of soup and looked at me as if I was about to grab her purse.”

Timmy let out a loud, long cackle. He could picture it so vividly and it was so funny and cute and sweet and just...so Armie.

“I’m glad you liked it enough to frighten strangers with your enthusiasm.”

“Yeah.” Armie looked down and chuckled softly.

“Really, thank you.” Timmy approached him and touched his arm tentatively. 

“I’m glad that I get to say this to your face because I want you to know how much I mean it when I tell you that I am so happy for your success right now.” He put his hand over Timmy’s on his arm. “Not just happy, I’m so fucking proud of you.”

This was what he had wanted to hear months ago. It didn’t matter how overdue it was. To hear Armie say he was proud of him was everything. He had to look away and blink several times to keep the tears from coming. 

“It means the world to me, man. Thank you!”

Armie nodded and a wide grin spread over his face. “You wrote the hell out of that song, dude.”

“Thanks, again.” Timmy giggled. “Though it wasn’t just me. Lucas helped a little.” He put two of his fingers together and laughed again.

“Yes, Lucas.” Armie pursed his lips. “Your partner...in every way.”

The way he said that...there was a bitterness to it that was not necessarily unusual but he couldn’t let it go after what Lucas said to him earlier. 

“You know sometimes the way you talk about Lucas...I can see why he thinks you don’t like him.” 

“What?” Armie took a slight step back and his mouth dropped open. “That’s not true at all. I don’t dislike him!”

“But you don’t like him, either, do you?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“That’s...uh…” Armie half turned around and then turned back. “I have no real issue with Lucas. He’s fine. I mean, he’s good. I’m just protective of you, that’s all. I mean you are so...awesome, Timmy! You’re so sweet and funny and talented and beautiful! You deserve someone who is the absolute best. Actually, better than the best. I’m not exactly sure what better than the best is, but whatever it is, you deserve it.”

Timmy wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry after that rambling explanation. Before he could even consider what to say or do, Armie kept going.

“You deserve someone who is going to be out and proud to be with you. Someone kind to you. Someone stable, mature and smart. Someone who makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. Someone who loves you with everything he has.” There was only one brief moment he made eye contact with Timmy before he quickly stared down at the floor. He exhaled deeply. “Even though I’ve only met him a few times, I do think Lucas checks off a few of those boxes.” He let out a dry laugh. “He’s a good person...certainly better than me.”

So much of what he said touched his heart so deeply. The passion with which he spoke was amazing and so heartfelt and he wanted to find a way to respond to the things he said about him, but Timmy’s mind was too focused on Armie’s last comment. 

“Why would you say that?”

“Like I said, I’ve met Lucas a few times and he does seem like a good-”

“You know goddamn well that’s not what I was talking about,” Timmy gritted out. The steel in his voice made Armie stiffen. “Lucas is a good person, but he’s not better than you. You make it sound like you’re worthless.”

He held up his finger. “I did not say worthless. You know I’m a…” He chuckled. “Elizabeth sometimes calls me a ‘fixer-upper.’”

“A fixer-upper?” Timmy’s hands clenched at his sides and he had to swallow several times before he could get his voice to work and when he did it was coated in barely repressed rage. “Are you _fucking_ kidding me?”

“It’s not as bad as you think. Elizabeth says that I’m a good person but there’s a lot of work that I need to do, that she wants to help me with, so I can change and grow into the best version of myself. You know she likes challenges and taking on projects.”

“Armie, you’re not a project.” He narrowed his eyes. “You’re not some house she can gut and renovate. You’re a human being.”

“A flawed human being!”

“We’re all flawed human beings!” Timmy shouted. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to settle down. When he spoke next his voice was lower and calmer. “I mean, God, Armie I know you have your flaws. You’re cranky in the morning. You’re too much of a neat freak. You’re stubborn. Sometimes you say what you want to say without thinking. Your dancing could use some work-”

“Okay, I get it.” Armie held up his hand. 

He couldn’t help grinning. “But those are all such stupid, small things and, honestly, I wouldn’t change any of it. It’s some of what makes you, you. And I meant what I said earlier I don’t want you to change. It’s fine if Elizabeth wants you to grow up and be more mature. I get that. But if she really loves you then she loves who you are and not the person she’s hoping to ‘fix’ and turn you into.” Timmy tugged at his curly hair. “Maybe she’s more like Dru than I thought.”

“What are you talking about?” Armie said in a tight voice.

“You know what I’m talking about,” he insisted. “She’s a perfectionist. She’s obsessed with appearances. It’s a little annoying, but I didn’t think it was a big deal but if she’s trying to change you, don’t you see how that’s the same as your mom?”

“No!” Armie shook his head. “My mom doesn’t want me to change. She wants me to be the same obedient kid I used to be and have me want the same things she wants and be who she wants.”

“Elizabeth might not want you to stay the same, but she wants to change you into who she wants.” He gazed at Armie intensely. “It’s the same thing.” 

Armie ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He peeked at Timmy with a small smile. “I don’t know why I forget that you can be just as protective of me as I am of you.” He took Timmy’s hands in his. “I really appreciate it. I do. But you don’t have to worry. Elizabeth loves me. It’s not like with my mother. She’s not trying to change me into who she wants me to be. It’s about her wanting me to become more mature and I do think she’s helped me in that way. I am more mature, right?”

“Yeah.” Timmy shrugged. “I don’t really know if it’s because of Elizabeth or because you’re not 21 anymore. You’re 25 and getting older and wiser, naturally. We all grow and change as we get older. I don’t know if you need Elizabeth for that.” He rubbed his hand down his face and turned away.

Walking over to the other side of the room, he stopped at the window and looked out the blue, clear sky. What Ashton said earlier replayed in his head and he wondered if Elizabeth trying to change Armie was a reason Ashton was hesitant about Armie getting married now.

Behind him, he heard Armie sigh. “I can see your face and you still look really worried and I’m sorry because I know I gave you this really fucked up idea of what my relationship with Liz is like but I need you to trust me. I’m not going to marry someone who doesn’t love me. I’d like to think I’ve learned from my parents' mistake.”

The comment didn’t necessarily surprise Timmy, though, for Armie, his parent’s difficult marriage was a sensitive subject. In college, he never flat-out said that his parents hated each other, but the stories he would tell about them certainly painted that picture. It wasn’t until after Michael died that Armie admitted his parents basically only stayed together for their children’s sake. He knew it was not a pattern Armie wanted to repeat.

“I know they loved each other in their own way, but it wasn’t enough. It just got worse and worse every day and they were both miserable. I don’t want to do that to myself. My dad would hate that.” Timmy turned around and Armie was slowly rubbing his hand over his forehead. 

Stuffing his hand into his pocket, Timmy wondered if this was the right time to give Armie his present. 

Before he could do that, his phone went off in his other pocket. He retrieved it and gasped. “The SUVs are here.”

“For our mystery trip?” Some of the sadness left Armie’s face and there was curiosity in his eyes.

“It’s not a mystery trip.” Timmy grinned. “I, honestly, assumed you would have figured it out by now.” He started to text the other guys.

“Well, I think I have a good idea but I’ll wait for you to confirm if I’m right or not.” He leaned against the wall by the huge 55” TV.

“We’re doing a tour of Red Rock Canyon,” Timmy announced happily.

“You remembered.”

“Well, of course. You only told me like three or four times about how it was by far the best family trip you guys ever had.” He put his phone away and walked towards him. 

Going up to Red Rock Canyon had been a tradition in the Hammer family. Armie’s great-great-grandfather was a geology professor and he was fascinated by places like Red Rock Canyon and took his son to visit there and explore. His son did the same with his and so on. Michael wanted to take Armie and his brother Viktor there as well, but Dru wasn’t interested. She thought the Grand Canyon was more impressive and wanted to go there instead.

As luck, or maybe fate, would have it on the way to the Grand Canyon, their car died just outside Red Rock Canyon and Michael ended up getting his way after all.

“I thought it would be a nice way to bring out some nice family memories and to start this weekend. It’s also a way to include your dad in some way since he can’t be here.” Timmy stopped in front of Armie. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s perfect.” Before Timmy could respond, Armie wrapped him up in a tight hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Timmy squeezed him back and then slapped his back a couple of times before he pulled back. 

When he looked up, Armie had such a huge smile on his face, it was infectious and Timmy grinned up at him. No matter what else happened this weekend, it would be worth it just for the look on his face right now.

They met the other guys downstairs. Armie, Timmy, Tyler, and Giullian got in one car while Nick, Ashton, and WIll got into the other along with another hotel guest and that man’s son. Their tour guide/driver was a tall, blonde guy named Josh who almost looked like he could be Armie’s double.

“So, this is how we’re starting off the wild, bachelor party weekend? On a nature hike?” Giullian seemed less than enthused.

“It’s not really a hike. We spend most of it in the car looking at the view and the wildlife. I mean, we can get out once and a while and explore the area, but there’s not a lot of hiking involved.” Giullian was a city boy and Timmy thought that would appeal to him.

“Still, this doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.” Giullian tapped his fingers against the armrest.

“Well, it’s not your bachelor party. When it is we’ll go clubbing and do whatever you want.”

Giullian leaned over towards Armie, who was in the front passenger seat. “Is this really fun for you?”

“This is awesome!” Armie turned to him. “It has such an amazingly rich history. This place began forming over 600 _million_ years ago and has been inhabited by so many different cultures that left behind so many cool artifacts. It’s been in a ton of movies. Have you seen many Westerns?”

“I’m sorry. Have we met?” Giullian touched his hand to his own chest. 

Tyler laughed openly while Timmy covered his slight grin behind his hand. 

“Stole the words right out of my mouth.” Tyler reached over and touched Giullian’s shoulder. 

“Whatever.” Armie just rolled his eyes. “It’s a cultural landmark and you just might learn something.”

“Right. That’s just what I wanted to do this weekend - learn.” Giullian put on his sunglasses.

Timmy turned to Armie and gave him a half-shrug. Despite Giullian being a naysayer right now, Timmy was sure his attitude would turn around. He was never a party poop, no matter what type of party it was.

It didn’t seem like Giullian’s hesitancy dampened Armie’s spirits any. The tour guide barely had a chance to do his job because he just kept rattling on about everything he learned, and everything his father taught him, about the area.

His instincts about Giullian were right and he started to loosen up very quickly. It helped that their first stop was to the Visitors Center where they had a habitat for desert tortoises. Giullian was a huge animal lover and was instantly smitten with all of the turtles on display - all of them were. 

They stopped briefly at the museum. Armie was particularly fascinated by the geology display. They also learned more about the wildlife there as well as the local Indian culture.

On their tour, they also spotted Native American pictographs, Joshua trees, agave, plenty of rabbits, squirrels, coyotes, and a few wild burros. At one point, Armie got so excited because he said he saw a desert bighorn sheep at the peak of a cliff above them. The car barely had time to stop before he got out to snap a few pics.

All throughout the tour, he was like a kid in a candy store rushing around taking so many pictures, always convinced he had “the perfect shot.” While Armie took shots of all the beautiful vistas - mountains, cliffs, sand dunes, etc. - Timmy would capture Armie at the moment. His smile was more stunning than the gorgeous backdrops of clear blue sky and multi-colored rock formations.

His enthusiasm for everything was contagious. The hours just flew by. Before they were set to leave, they traveled through the Keystone Thrust Fault. It was a striking view with the red sandstone directly against gray limestone. 

Armie got out and stood on a particularly high spot. It was a little surprising since he wasn’t great with heights. 

“Can you take a picture of me here?” Armie turned to Timmy.

“Sure,” he answered right away. He took a couple of shots with his phone. 

“Let me get a couple of the two of you,” Tyler offered and took Timmy’s phone without waiting for a reply.

As soon as Timmy walked over to him, Armie put his arm around him and held him close. They smiled widely and Tyler snapped a few pics from different angles. 

Turning back to look at the spectacular view of mountains and open land, Armie breathed in deeply with a lop-sided grin on his face when he turned to Timmy. “I remember so many things about our trip up here - that whole day. My mother constantly bitching - about how we shouldn’t go off exploring and just wait for the towtruck, how hot it was and the way her clothes were sticking to her, how her feet hurt, and on and on...I think my father through sheer force of will managed to talk over her. For once, he just would not be quiet and somehow, after a little while, my mother shut up and actually started to enjoy herself.” He looked down and kicked at some rocks and watched the dust scatter in the wind as he smiled. “I took a picture of them around here and they looked so happy, even happier than in any of their wedding photos.”

After a lot of the terrible stories Armie used to tell him about growing up around his parents, it made him happy to think of him at least having that time to look back on with fondness.

“It sounds like a really sweet memory.”

“Yeah.” Armie bit his lip and nodded, then giggled. “I remember my brother being an absolute terror chasing around a bunch of rabbits and instantly being hit by karma because he got surrounded by burros and getting freaked out.”

Picturing it easily, Timmy joined him in chuckling.

“We were all really happy...mostly.” Closing his eyes, he turned his face up to the sky and the sunlight was beaming down on his face. When he looked down and opened his eyes, they were glistening. “My father stood right here for a long time and I finally walked over to him. I’ve told you before but my father wasn’t a very physically demonstrative guy or really affectionate but he put his arm around me and we stared out at the view for a long time. Seemingly out of nowhere, he suddenly said, ‘I always wished I could be Indiana Jones.’”

Timmy snorted and Armie just shook his head with an amused expression. 

“My father was the exact opposite of Indiana Jones. He was a stuffy, uptight, quiet, stay-at-home guy but I guess that’s why he wanted to be him. He wanted to be different. He said his father took him here and taught him so much about things older, stronger, and bigger than all of us and he wanted to learn more and be an explorer. Instead, his life turned out the exact opposite.”

When his voice cracked, Timmy put his arm around his shoulder.

Armie squeezed the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat. “He knelt down to be at my level and held me. He said he loved me and loved Viktor but being there he couldn’t help thinking about his regrets. He didn’t want that for us. He said he wanted us to make better choices.” He sniffed. “Pretty heady stuff to tell a twelve-year-old, right?” He chuckled dryly. “I think about what he said a lot and what he said before he died...I think I’m making better choices.” 

He looked at Timmy. Even though he didn’t ask the question verbally, Timmy could see it written all over his face.

“I think you are. Despite the pressure from your mom you did what made you happy and followed your dream of being a writer. And, despite Dru not exactly approving of her, you stuck it out with Elizabeth and you’re marrying her. You’re about to have your dream life, right?” He squeezed his shoulder.

“Right.” Armie continued to stare out into the quiet. He reached out and held Timmy’s hand. “You know despite what he said, I know he was happy here. He was sad and happy.” He paused for a few seconds. “That is how I feel right now. I wish he was here, but it kind of feels like he is. So thank you for this, Timmy. I needed this. I really did.” He stared at him. “You knew that. You always know what I need.”

Timmy looked at him and his breath caught in his throat. He was staring at him so deeply and intensely. He had to swallow several times. “That’s what best friends are for, right?”

“Yeah,” Armie whispered, holding his hand tighter. 

They both turned back to the mountains and watched the perfect scenery for a few more minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are loved! 
> 
> @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr.


	3. A Special Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys attend First Friday and have some fun and Armie and Timmy deal with an interesting mix-up.
> 
> Timmy gives Armie a special gift and his reaction is not what he expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out and I hope you guys like it, too.
> 
> Thank you to ashleymoshow for looking this over for me! I really appreciate it!
> 
> WARNING - there is a mention of cancer (not in great detail, but it does come up at the end) and talk of an off-screen minor character's death.

After the SUV dropped them off back at the hotel, they got a few drinks at Charlie’s Bar and Grill, one of the hotel’s many restaurants. They were sharing some of the pictures from their day so far. Timmy looked at his watch and stood up.

“Okay, whoever wants to go to the First Friday Festival, we should probably head out now,” he announced.

“What exactly is this again?” Ashton asked gulping down more of his ginger ale.

Timmy rolled his eyes because he’d already explained this to him and directed him to the website. Tyler had been there a couple of times and was the only one who didn’t need an explanation.

“It’s like a New York street fair. They have it every Friday downtown in the art district. Artists showcase their art. All kinds of musicians perform. There are even fortune tellers. People sell all kinds of things - art, jewelry, music, food,” he looked directly at Armie, “including street meat.”

“I’m sold.” Armie stood up immediately. “Let’s go.”

His reaction was utterly predictable and delightful. Timmy snorted in laughter. He didn’t know what Armie’s fascination was with street meat.

“Okay. I know Tyler wants to go.” He pointed at him.

“Absolutely.” Tyler stood up next to Armie. “You’re probably not going to be able to get me to leave.”

“Who else?” Timmy asked and looked around.

“It sounds like fun,” Giullian replied.

“Yeah,” Will added.

“It does sound fun, but we’ve been to a street fair before,” Nick said.

“Right, so we are going to get our gambling on,” Ashton said, grinning as he and Nick already backed away toward the exit.

“Okay, suit yourself.” Armie waved to them. “We’ll see you guys later.”

They took a bus downtown. The ride was only about five minutes. Tyler told them a little about his new obsession which was painting designs on shoes. Will told them a little about the next season of his and Elizabeth’s show - one of the only non-superhero shows on the CW - a vampire detective show called _Blood Brothers_.

When they got off the bus, they were greeted with so much noise, interesting sights, smells, and vivid colors everywhere. Children were drawing on the street with chalk. A folk band was performing in one corner and there was a female fire-breather in another corner.

While Timmy wasn’t sure where they should stop first, Tyler had no hesitation. He dropped straight down and started to draw with the kids. Two of the kids - a young, redheaded girl who was probably ten or eleven and an African-American boy of about twelve - seemed drawn to Tyler and his silly drawings.

You could tell Tyler had kids of his own with the easy way he related to them and talked to them. They all laughed when Tyler let the boy - Kenny - attempt to draw on his face with the chalk.

Will and Giullian went off to watch the band playing. Armie got right down there with Tyler and started to draw. Timmy was a little hesitant because he’d never been a great artist, even in grade school.

“Come on.” Armie tugged on his jeans. 

“I don’t know. You know I can barely draw stick figures.” He pursed his lips.

“It’s chalk. You don’t have to be Picasso.” Armie rolled his eyes. 

Timmy sighed and got down on the ground. He picked up some green pastel chalk and tried to draw two people holding hands.

“Here.” Armie took the chalk from his hand and drew a circle on top of the stick figure’s head Timmy drew then finished up by placing a dot on top of the circle.

Looking at the drawing, he scrunched up his nose and turned his head sideways. “What’s that supposed to be?”

“It’s a beret,” Armie said as if it was patently obvious. “He’s a Frenchman, like you!”

Snorting, he covered his mouth with his hand as he struggled not to laugh. “A Frenchman? You know I’m half French.”

“Oh, right.” Armie shrugged. “Let me find some white, red, and blue chalk to draw some American flag shorts for the guy.” 

“You’re such a loon.” Timmy burst out laughing. 

The smile on Armie’s face was dazzling.

They stayed there for a little while longer until an excited Will and Giullian ran up to them and dragged them away.

“This is too good, you can’t miss it.” Giullian smiled as he tugged on Timmy’s arm. 

After a couple of minutes, they arrived at some coffee shop where an all-girl band named Faith was performing. As soon as Timmy walked in and heard the music, he recognized it. It would be kind of hard to forget your first hit song. They were playing a cover of “Lady Bird.”

Armie joined Will and Giullian in jumping up and down in excitement. Timmy just watched them silently but with a proud grin on his face. 

When they left the coffee shop, Timmy and Armie walked around looking for Tyler. They found him amongst a small crowd watching a performance artist. The short, thin man with pitch-black hair was basically taking prompts from the audience and performing whatever they shouted out. 

As Timmy and Armie arrived, the man’s hair was combed over and messy. There was some kind of orange substance all over his face. He was squatting low to the ground, and shouting out random gibberish like “Trust me, I know more about the moon than anyone and it is in fact made out of blue cheese.”

Looking at him with a puzzled expression, Armie then leaned over and whispered to Tyler. “What’s he doing?”

Snickering, Tyler turned back to look at him over his shoulder. “Someone asked him to do a speech by our current ‘president.’” 

That instantly caused Armie and Timmy to start chuckling.

“Well, then he’s doing a terrible job. He sounds far too sane,” Armie joked.

Tyler laughed and then turned back and watched the man intently. He’d been talking about wanting to branch out and start doing performance art himself so Armie was sure he would be there for a while.

They decide to head off and visit an antique shop. They walked in still laughing about the last thing they saw the performance artist doing which was him bent over and spreading his cheeks and pretending to talk out of his ass.

“Why does stuff like that still crack me up?” Armie asked standing right in front of the entrance.

The curly-haired store clerk waved to them and Armie waved back.

“Because your humor hasn’t matured past the 6th-grade level.” Timmy winked at him and grinned.

“I don’t think it’s just my humor.” Armie chuckled and bumped Timmy’s shoulder with his as he walked past him further into the store.

They didn’t go far. Timmy decided to check out their antique jewelry since he and Lucas had a fondness for unique rings and necklaces. Armie was considering some potential jewelry for Elizabeth.

The store clerk who had greeted them walked up to Armie after a few minutes. The brunette’s eyes roamed over his body and she seemed to be eyeing him up like a starving man eyes a steak. There was no doubt in Timmy’s mind that he was about to witness some shameless flirting.

It was something that happened constantly. There was no one immune from Armie’s charms - women, men, animals...They just gravitated towards him and obviously, Timmy couldn’t blame them.

“That’s a lovely ring,” the woman finally spoke up.

Timmy glanced over. Armie was holding a silver ring that had a silver and blue yin and yang symbol. It was really nice.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful,” Armie said examining it.

“I think it would make a perfect gift for your boyfriend,” she said with her gaze focusing on Timmy.

His eyes widened when he noticed her watching him. He and Armie shared a glance as a slow grin spread over Armie’s face. It seemed he found the idea funny and would presumably set her straight right away.

Instead, he just said, “You think so, huh?” He was still staring at Timmy.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Yin and Yang are about opposite forces forming a perfect whole. I don’t know either of you but physically you look like opposites but you seem like a good couple.”

“We do?” Armie turned back to her.

“Absolutely. The way you were looking at each other…” Her head tilted as she let out a breathy sigh. “I’d kill for that.”

Timmy could feel his cheeks were on fire and he was chewing on his bottom lip so hard he thought he’d split it in half. Armie would set her straight any minute now, right?

“So, what do you think, baby? Do you like it?” 

He could feel Armie’s eyes on him.

It took everything in him to control the shivers that ran through him at Armie even jokingly calling him “baby.” For a split second, he thought what if it was real. He had to pinch the bridge of his nose to keep from really going there.

Clearing his throat, he finally managed to glance at Armie and respond, without making eye contact. “It’s lovely...sweetie.” He peeked up at Armie when he called him “sweetie” and there was just something in his eyes that was just too much and Timmy shifted his gaze to the floor.

“Thanks,” Armie said to the woman before he glanced at her name tag, “Trini. I’ll think about it.”

Trini smiled. She started to walk away but turned back with a grin. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but you’re really lucky. Your boyfriend is gorgeous.”

Covering the shy grin blooming on his face, Timmy blushed furiously again. As soon as she walked away to greet two more customers coming in, he ran up to Armie. 

“Did you hear that, baby? She said you were gorgeous. Very smart girl.” There was teasing in his tone, but Armie’s smile was sincere.

Closing his eyes, Timmy shook his head. He was killing him. “Why didn’t you set her straight that we’re not together?”

Armie’s eyes flicked down to the stacks of rings and he shrugged. “What for? She’s just a stranger, what harm is there in letting her think that? You know I could do a lot worse...baby. You’re the perfect fake boyfriend.”

His smile was so sexy, Timmy had to take a step back and hold on to the display. “You should really stop calling me ‘baby.’”

“Oh...okay. I’m sorry.” His smile dropped. “I guess I took it too far. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t - I mean, not really.” He straightened and glanced up at Armie. “I just don’t think Elizabeth would love it.”

“Right.” Armie swallowed. He gestured to the jewelry. “I don’t think I’m going to get anything. What about you?”

“I think I’m going to get this for Lucas.” Timmy held up a silver flat top ring with a turquoise stone. It was Lucas - and his - birthstone. 

_Lucas. My boyfriend._ He suddenly had to remind himself.

“It’s nice.” Armie nodded.

They went to the counter. Trini rang up the ring quickly. She was not shy about throwing flirtatious smiles in Timmy’s direction. He smiled back at her once, briefly, then immediately rolled his eyes when he saw Armie watching him with an incredibly amused smirk. After Trini handed him his bag, Timmy thanked her and then got out of there as quickly as his feet would carry him.

“You know if you weren’t gay, I would say that Lucas has some competition.”

“Shut up.” Timmy shoved his shoulder.

“Nah, she’s no competition.” Armie chuckled. “Lucas doesn’t have any, does he? Clearly, you’re really into him.”

“What makes you say that?” He tried to tuck a curl behind his ear but the wind was persistent and blew it back in his face.

“Well, there’s the fact you don’t buy jewelry for just anyone and that you’ve been together longer than you’ve been with anyone,” Armie explained.

Before Lucas, Timmy’s longest relationship was six months long and he thought it barely qualified as a relationship. It was basically a friends with benefits relationship with a high school friend, Ansel Elgort.

They were comfortable together and the sex was good. It somehow accidentally turned into an exclusive relationship because neither one found anyone better - until Ansel did. Despite the way Ansel ended things - casually announcing it over breakfast that he wanted to give it another go with his high school girlfriend - there was no drama in their break-up. Timmy simply wished him well and got on with his day.

The truth was his heart never got invested with anyone truly because his heart still belonged to Armie. Even though he’d basically made his peace with Armie and Elizabeth’s relationship and knowing he’d never be with Armie, it took him a long time to really get over him - he thought that was until Lucas.

“You love him a lot, don’t you?” Armie gently squeezed Timmy’s shoulder. 

“I love him, yeah.” He tried brushing the tendril out of his face again with similar results.

“Now you’re getting him a ring…” Armie trailed off.

Timmy’s eyes widened. “I just think it looks nice. It is in no way an engagement ring. I’m not thinking about marriage at all.”

“Okay.” Armie exhaled. “Do you think you guys might move in together?”

He didn’t answer right away - that was sort of complicated. They’d never really discussed it, though Timmy had a feeling Lucas was thinking about it.

Lucas spent the majority of his time at Timmy’s place, especially when they were writing. At his place, Lucas’s stuff was everywhere. He also had a key, which not even Armie had.

Still, Timmy wasn’t sure he was ready for such a big step.

“I don’t think we’re there yet.” He sighed. “Sometimes I worry I’ll never be ready. I’ll end up the only one in my family not to get married.” 

He couldn’t help thinking about his grandparents. His maternal grandparents, Louise and Martin, were the ultimate love story to Timmy. They were the sweetest couple and his grandmother told him amazing stories about their courtship and their life together. It was devastating when his grandfather died five years ago. She hadn’t been the same since.

“My grandparents were married for 60 years. My other grandparents for 54. My parents have been together 30. Pauline has been with her boyfriend for nine years and I’m sure they’ll get married soon. What if I’m the only one in my family that doesn’t find that kind of love, or worse, is too blind to see it if I find it?”

Armie stopped and stroked his hand down his arm. “I have every confidence that you won’t end up alone. Someone will realize what an amazing catch you are and refuse to let you go.”

For like the tenth time that day, Timmy could feel his heart race and was sure he was as red as a tomato.

“You know I used to think the same thing about myself - that I’d never get married,” Armie said as they begin to walk past a few artists displaying some of their work.

“I know. You used to say that all the time. At first, I thought you might be right. You would be out with a different girl every single night that first couple of months.” Even though at the time it had been a little frustrating seeing his crush seemingly banging every girl he met, Timmy couldn’t help smiling. “But I quickly knew that you were dead wrong.”

“Why did you think so?” 

“Because I got to know you. I saw how sweet you were and loving and loyal. I knew you would commit to someone else one day, someone really lucky. And as usual, I was right.” Timmy chuckled. It was quick and sounded strained to his own ears. “Lucky Elizabeth.”

Once again, he tried to put the offending curl behind his ear but it wouldn’t stay out of his face. This time, he groaned in frustration.

“Just stop.” Armie grabbed his shoulders and halted them in their tracks. 

Slowly, he reached over and tucked the hair behind Timmy’s ear. It actually stayed in place, though Timmy hardly noticed.

He couldn’t stop staring at Armie’s smiling face. The sunlight was beaming down on him and almost looked like he had a golden halo around him which seemed fitting since he was so gorgeous he looked heaven-sent. 

Why was he having these thoughts right now? It was so wrong and inappropriate. Armie was his best friend. He was straight. He was engaged. Staring at his lips and desperately wanting to kiss him was definitely not something he should be doing.

“Is that better?” Armie whispered. His hand was still lingering on his neck.

Timmy had to close his eyes. “Yeah.” He said it so softly, he wasn’t sure Armie had heard him.

The silence stretched on and he could feel himself leaning in as if being pulled to Armie by some invisible force.

“Oh, wow,” Armie suddenly exclaimed.

His eyes flew open.

“I knew something smelled amazing,” he was staring at something across the street. He glanced back at Timmy. “Besides you, of course.” 

Before Timmy could even blush at that last comment, Armie was off and skipping across the street. Timmy saw where he was headed and couldn’t help grinning. It seemed Armie had finally found his beloved street meat. 

He wasn’t wrong. It did smell delicious. 

The truck was called The International House of Sausages. They had a huge selection of sausages from different countries. As soon as it was Armie’s turn to order he got one chorizo, then after practically inhaling it, he got a Chinese sausage.

For the most part, it was amusing watching him scarf them down with such a look of delight on his face. The only hitch was the accompanying moans he was making which made Timmy fidget from foot to foot. He desperately looked for something else to focus on.

“You know you should probably pace yourself. We don’t want a repeat of the Great Purge of 2015.”

Armie gulped and his face turned slightly green at the mention.

The incident to which Timmy was referring happened when Armie was visiting Timmy in New York. They went to a street fair and Armie gorged himself on a plethora of different street meats. After twenty minutes his stomach started to grumble - it sounded like a freight train rumbling down the track. Ten minutes later they had to rush back to Timmy’s apartment and he puked for close to a half-hour.

Though it was gross, Timmy stayed by his side the entire time and gave him something to wipe his mouth during breaks from puking. 

“You’re probably right.” Armie wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I’ll just try one more.”

Timmy shook his head but chuckled. He decided to join him and ordered French andouille. After thinking it over a minute, Armie also ordered a French sausage, a boudin.

When they got their sausages, they took them and ate while checking out more of what the festival had to offer. They listened to another performance artist who was performing her own spoken word poems.

Eventually, they found Tyler again at the artists’ cottages. Many artists were there either displaying their art or giving talks about creating it. Armie started looking at some expressionism art, including an artist’s recreation of Picasso’s The Old Guitarist.

Walking up behind him, Timmy stared at the painting for a minute before Armie turned to him and smiled. “This is all so great.” He gestured all around them. “It’s the first time in a while I’ve felt this burst of creativity. It’s crazy but there’s a part of me that wants to skip the show tonight and just write.” 

His eyes had that wild light in them that he got when he was really excited about an idea. His enthusiasm was always so contagious and Timmy was excited for him.

“So do it.” He clapped his hands together. 

Cocking his head to the side, Armie briefly seemed to be considering it. “No, I can’t do that. You planned this weekend for me-”

“Exactly,” he interrupted. “It’s _for you_. This is all about you this weekend and what’s going to make you happy. If it’s going to make you happy to write - especially after being stuck for so long - then you should. We all can still go to the show.”

Armie cupped the back of Timmy’s head and smiled. “I really appreciate you saying that, but no. You know I love Seinfeld and I’ve really been looking forward to this. I want to spend as much time with you - and the rest of the guys - as I can. I promise before I go to bed, I’ll write.”

Timmy was hesitant. He knew if Armie had any ideas he wanted to get down, he should do it as soon as possible but as he said, this weekend was about Armie and it was up to him.

He took out his phone and checked the time. “We should probably go then.”

After rounding up Tyler, Timmy texted Will and Giullian and they met up with them and they all headed back to the hotel so they could change.

Before he freshened up, Timmy called Lucas but it went straight to voicemail. After he got cleaned up, he saw that Lucas texted him back that he landed in Chicago and was on his way to his parent’s house. After a quick reply reminding Lucas to try and enjoy himself, Timmy got changed. He was wearing a full-length black coat with a red, white, and black stripe along the side. Underneath it was a short-sleeved gray sweater. He had on black pants and black boots.

They all met up at the restaurant they were at earlier. All of them were there, except for Armie. Timmy was joking with Will and Giullian about the performance artist from earlier when his attention was diverted when Armie walked in. His jaw dropped slightly and that fact that his tongue didn’t roll out like in a cartoon was shocking.

“Jesus H…” He muttered.

Armie was wearing a long black coat with a thick blue and red stripe down the middle of the left lapel over a plain white shirt. Even from across the room his ocean blue eyes just popped in the most delicious way.

When he finally closed his mouth and tore his gaze away he noticed Will watching him. There was an annoyingly knowing look in his eyes.

“He’s looking pretty good, huh?” Will grinned.

“Yeah.” Timmy shrugged in a hopefully nonchalant way. “He always does.”

“Right.” Will dragged out the word.

Even though he liked Lucas, Will had the persistent idea that he was still hung up on Armie.

Though it was difficult to look away, he stared down at his lap.

“Hey, everybody,” Armie greeted them as he joined their table. Sitting at the head of the table, he was right next to Timmy. After everyone exchanged greetings with him, Armie leaned over to him. “Did you bring the gifts?”

“Absolutely.” Timmy nodded.

He had trusted Timmy with the groomsmen gifts.

They ordered some drinks and chatted for a while before Armie stood up. Timmy took that as his cue and took out the bag from under the table and put a watch box in front of everybody - except for him. Armie told him he was holding on to his gift for Timmy.

“I just want to thank every one of you for coming out here this weekend and celebrating this special time with me. But I don’t want to thank you just for this weekend, but for your friendship in general. I’ve known some of you for longer than others but you’ve all been amazingly supportive and you’re all family to me.”

Timmy beamed up at him.

“Oh, Armie.” Ashton broke out in mock tears. “That was beautiful.”

“Fuck you, Ash.” Armie gave him the middle finger. “You’re more like that weird second cousin who’s just a little bit slow that everyone has to put up with.”

All of them burst out laughing - including Ashton.

“Solid burn, dude.” Ashton grinned. It faded away slowly. “No, in all seriousness we love you, man.”

Ashton could be a gruff asshole at times, but there was a big teddy bear inside as well. 

Not only did he clap, but Timmy nodded vigorously as well.

Everyone put up their glasses. “To Armie.”

Armie sat down looking down at the table with pink coloring his cheeks and a sheepish expression.

It was adorable. 

Leaning over and smiling at him, Timmy squeezed his knee.

Everyone opened their boxes. Armie had gotten everyone the same watch that was similar to his. The watch had a brown leather band and the back was gold with each of their names engraved on the back.

They all looked impressed.

“Thanks, man,” Nick said first before the others chimed in with their thanks.

Timmy decided it was the right time to make his own toast and stood up. “I’ve been there pretty much from the beginning of Armie and Elizabeth’s relationship. They’ve faced obstacles but they’ve always been able to make it work. They’re a good team. They are lucky to have found each other and I wish them every happiness. To Armie and Elizabeth.”

“To Armie and Elizabeth,” everyone echoed.

“I really appreciate that,” Armie whispered in his ear.

“No problem.”

“And I promise I’ll give you your present later.”

“That’s fine.” Timmy grinned.

They headed off to the show soon after that. It was a great night and Seinfeld put on an awesome set. There were often times Timmy laughed until he cried. All of them had a blast.

Since Armie wanted to give him his present, they went up to his room. Timmy thought it would be a good time to give him his gift as well.

When they got to the room, he was majorly impressed. Even though he’d picked out Armie’s room online, to see it first-hand - to see how huge it was - was something else. There was a long foyer with a white marble floor that led to a huge living room with a dining area that had a wet bar. Beyond that were the master bedroom and two bathrooms, along with a massage room. 

“I feel a little weird being in a massive room like this by myself. I think we could fit our entire dorm room in this living room.” Armie laughed as he headed to the bar and got them both drinks.

“Forget the living room, it could probably fit in that bathroom.” They both chuckled and Armie handed him a glass of white wine while he opened a bottle of beer. “Do you remember how often we watched _Seinfeld_? I think the only thing we watched more was _Mystery Science Theater_.”

“I know. I think I saw that Kiss Hello episode about a hundred times.” Armie sat down on one of the white couches and he sat down beside him.

“See, I never got that whole thing. I guess it’s because I’m half-French and around people who have no issues with that kind of affection.” Timmy took a sip of his drink.

“While I’m not a huge fan of the kiss hello personally, one of the things I’ve always loved about you is how affectionate you are. You give out hugs like they’re candy.” He poked Timmy on the nose.

“I’m not that bad.” He swatted Armie’s hand away as he giggled. 

“Yes, you are.” Armie grinned as he leaned his head on the back of the couch and stared at him. “It’s sweet - just like your whole family. Being around your family the first time was like stepping into an episode of _The Twilight Zone_ given how my family was - or better yet how my mother was and is.”

Gently, he brushed his hand through the top of Armie’s hair. Not for the first time, he wondered how Armie turned out so sweet and amazing. Honestly, Timmy got why Armie didn’t cut her out of his life, but sometimes he really wished he would.

Armie sat up and took a long swig from his beer.

“Uh,” Timmy scratched the side of his neck, “how’s your mom doing with the wedding planning?”

“She’s great with it.” Armie shook his head. “Just like Elizabeth, she likes planning big events and if I’m going to get married she wants to make sure it’s as respectable and lavish as she expects for someone from this family. I think it’s actually helped her and Elizabeth bond since that’s one way in which they’re similar.” He chuckled though there was no warmth to it. 

Despite their similarities, Dru was immediately not a fan of Elizabeth and Armie’s relationship. She had a dim view of Elizabeth’s desire to be an actress. Her opinion was that generally speaking, everyone in the entertainment industry lived God-less lives. It was probably only due to Elizabeth’s persistence, and her appealing to Dru’s vanity, that she didn’t try to interfere in their relationship.

“I don’t know who she would approve of me being with - if anyone could ever live up to her standards or if I could ever do anything to meet her expectations. I think there are other choices I could have made she would have found more distasteful so if she has to live with Elizabeth being an actress, she’ll do it. She’s warmed up to her, or as warm as she ever gets with anyone.” 

“Elizabeth’s okay with her taking over everything?” Timmy crossed his arms over his chest. 

“She would never allow that. Elizabeth is pretty brilliant in how she handles my mother. She finds alternatives and ways to please her while still getting the things she wants. Elizabeth has been planning her wedding since she was ten and won’t let anyone - including my mother - get in the way of that.” He almost sounded impressed.

“That makes sense. It is her wedding, she should get to have it the way she wants. Except, it is your wedding, too,” Timmy added.

“Yeah, I know but I haven’t necessarily been dreaming of this day since I was a kid. I’ve thought about it, but haven’t been planning it.” Armie set his bottle down on the round tan table in front of them.

“But still...There are things you probably would like. I know you’ve had ideas for things you wanted. Like, I know you really wanted the remembrance table.” Timmy sat up and tried to catch Armie’s eye.

When they first started talking about the wedding, it was something Armie had brought up. He wanted a table with photos and mementos to remember their loved ones who had passed away, like Elizabeth’s maternal grandmother and Armie’s dad.

“I suggested it to Elizabeth and she-she thought it would be too depressing.” Armie rubbed at his forehead. 

Timmy set his glass down harder than he intended and had to steady it to keep it from spilling over. He gripped the arm of the sofa.

“It’s okay.” Armie touched his arm. “I’ll find another way to include my dad at the wedding.”

This seemed like the perfect opportunity to give Armie his gift. It seemed Armie had the same idea.

“Speaking of the wedding, I promised you a gift.” Armie got up and headed into the master bedroom. Returning shortly, he held a long necklace box in his hand.

His curiosity was definitely piqued.

“I know you’re not really a watch guy, so I got you this instead.” Armie sat back down and handed Timmy the navy box. 

“Awesome. Thank you,” he said before even opening it. When he opened the box, he smiled at the necklace inside. It was a thick chain link silver necklace.

“I know you like necklaces like that and I figure you can wear it if you ever want to make me the happiest guy on the planet and make another Lil’ Timmy Tim video.” Armie chuckled and punched him lightly in his arm.

“Keep dreaming, pal.” Timmy rolled his eyes affectionately as he looked up at Armie with a huge grin. He touched the cold surface of the necklace before he closed the box. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re welcome.” Armie nodded. He rubbed his hands together. “Now, what did you get me?”

He grinned. “I got you…” His grin faded and Timmy cocked his head to the side. “Now that I think about it, I didn’t really get you a present. I thought this would count as my present but I was given this by someone else to give to you so I probably should get you something else, too.”

Armie’s eyes narrowed and he scrunched his nose. “Okay, Timmy, you’ve completely lost me.”

“Sorry.” Timmy looked down sheepishly. He reached into his pants pocket and finally pulled out Armie’s gift.

It was a small, silver lighter. When he turned it over, on the back there were two names engraved on it - Armie and Viktor.

“That-” Armie’s round eyes flicked up to meet Timmy’s before looking at the object in Timmy’s outstretched hand. “That’s my dad’s lighter.”

Timmy nodded. “He asked me to give it to you.”

“When?” Armie rubbed a hand down his face. “Why?”

“You remember when he asked to see me alone?” Timmy started with his first question. 

“Of course I do.” Armie’s shoulders sagged and he stared down at the floor and paused for a second before he answered. “That was the day before he died.”

The circumstances surrounding Michael Hammer’s death seemed to pile tragedy on top of tragedy. Michael being diagnosed with Stage IV stomach cancer was horrible enough, but what was even sadder was that he went from being diagnosed to dying within three months of the diagnosis.

At first, Michael tried to put on a brave face when he told his kids the news. Armie had assured his father that they would fight it and beat it together but he called Timmy later and was in hysterics. He said he’d researched the statistics and his dad’s chance of survival didn’t look good. Timmy told him not to do medical research online. It would only scare him. 

It didn’t seem to help. He sounded so panicked and terrified Timmy had offered to fly out to California and be with him. Even though Armie was grateful for the offer and thought it was incredibly sweet of him, he said since they had to be back at school in just a few weeks, he would just see Timmy then but he promised to talk to Timmy regularly and give him updates. 

He was true to his word and they did talk every day. At one point, Armie had said he was thinking about not going back to school for a while, but his dad insisted he not put his life on hold. So, he took his dad’s advice and went back to school.

Though he had taken his dad’s advice it was clearly hard for him to let thoughts of his dad go. He wasn’t the same. Timmy was there for him and tried to keep his spirits up as much as he could. 

Armie and Elizabeth had just started dating a few months before the summer break and before Armie found out about his dad’s illness. It didn’t seem like she understood how to handle what happened and seemed to be distancing herself.

Unfortunately, two months into the school year Armie got the horrible call that his father had taken a turn for the worse and that he needed to get there as soon as possible. Dru had delivered the news to Armie with all the feelings of someone talking about something as mundane as the weather.

Armie tried to keep it together and outwardly it appeared like he was staying strong but all Timmy needed to do was look into his eyes or hear the emotion in his voice and he knew all it would take was Armie stubbing his toe and he’d have a mental breakdown. There was no way Timmy was letting him go back home alone.

Once they were in California, they spent most of their time at the hospital. When he wasn’t holding Armie’s hand, Timmy tried to stay out of the way of Michael’s family, especially Dru. 

In the two years, he’d known Armie, Timmy had only met Michael a handful of times. He had always been really nice to Timmy and told him once how nice it was to see Armie have a true friend.

It was a shock to Timmy when on their third day there, a shaky Armie walked up to him and told him Michael wanted to talk to him - alone. They exchanged confused glances, but Armie nodded at him. After hugging Armie, he headed off.

Walking to his hospital room, Timmy was scared of the condition he’d find Michael in but, for the most part, intensely curious about why he wanted to see him in the first place.

He sucked in a breath when he walked into the room. Michael looked so frail and much skinnier than Timmy remembered from the last time he had seen him. He was pale and slumped down in bed. Even though there was a constant beeping sound from the machines, the room still seemed eerily quiet and Timmy didn’t know what to do with himself. He just stood there, halfway between the door and the bed.

“Hi.” He shook his head, thinking he sounded stupid. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, I did.” Michael used the rail on the bed to try and pull himself up. He groaned loudly which turned into a cough.

“You don’t have to get up. Let me help you.” Timmy rushed forward.

“I’m fine.” Michael sat back and upright, still coughing.

Timmy got him some water and handed it to him. 

Michael took it with a grateful nod. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Despite the gravity of the situation, he smiled. “I guess that’s where Armie gets it from.”

“Gets what from?” Michael sipped his water slowly.

“He tries to pretend he’s fine when he’s sick and doesn’t like asking for help.” He doesn’t add that Armie is also incredibly irritable when he’s sick and always has the most adorable pout on his face, which always undercuts how strong and together he’s trying to act.

“But you take care of him anyway?” He asked, but by the knowing look on his face, Michael seemed to know the answer already.

“Yes.” Timmy hugged his arms around his stomach.

Michael smiled. “Timothée, can you do me a favor?”

“Of course. Anything.”

“In the closet, I have a pair of grey slacks hanging. In the pocket, there is a lighter. Will you retrieve it for me?” Michael put the cup of water done.

“Okay.” Timmy was slightly hesitant. Why did he need a lighter? Is that why he wanted him to come in, so he could sneak him in cigarettes? He didn’t think that was a good idea, but he doubted he could say no to a dying man.

He did what he was asked and fished out the lighter. When he brought it over, he started to reach out and hand it to him. 

“I want you to keep it for now.” Michael slowly lifted up his hand and waved it briefly. 

“Why would you want me to keep this?” Timmy’s brow furrowed and he looked down at the lighter. He turned it over and saw Armie and Viktor’s name engraved on it. 

“I want you to give it to Armie,” he explained.

“But you could just give it to him now.” Timmy scratched his head, still confused.

“I want you to give it to him after I die.”

Timmy closed his eyes tightly. Despite being in the middle of his hospital room and seeing how sick he is, he didn’t want to think about that. Armie was determined to hang on to hope and he wanted to as well.

“I’m going to die, Timothée,” Michael said matter-of-factly. “Not only can I feel it, but I have insisted my doctors not sugarcoat things for me. It could happen tonight, tomorrow, a week from now. I need to get my affairs in order and taking care of my children is my number one priority. Goodness knows I didn’t do a good enough job for most of their lives.” There was a pain in his eyes that went far beyond the physical.

A part of Timmy was surprised he was being so candid, but he supposed that might be the one benefit of knowing you were facing death - being able to be completely honest, especially with someone whose judgment you didn’t fear.

“I don’t know if Armie ever explained to you the significance of that lighter,” Michael continued, “but I have had it all of Armie’s life and it has been very important to me and I need him to have it.”

Just hearing how important it was to him, Timmy held onto it a little tighter. He stepped closer. “I understand it’s important, but why do you want me to give it to him? Why not put it in your will and have a lawyer give it to him?”

“Because my lawyer doesn’t love Armie the way you do.” He paused. “At least, I hope he doesn’t.” Michael laughed at his own joke. When he coughed, he reached for the water again.

“Of course, I love him. He’s my best friend.” It felt stupid to lie to someone in Michael’s situation but Timmy felt exposed in a way he wasn’t prepared for.

“I know that part is true.” He clutched the cup in his hand. “I’ve watched you with him and I’ve watched my son with you. You are extremely important to him. That’s why I want it to be you. You know my son better than anyone. I want you to give him the lighter - but not now. I want you to give it to him at the most important time in his life. I kept that lighter to remind me of what’s truly important in life and I want Armie to have that reminder as well.”

The explanation made sense to him and he felt growing awe that Michael would trust him with something that obviously meant so much to him.

“Will you do that for me?” 

“I will,” Timmy replied softly.

“If I may, I’d like you to do something else as well.” He stared up at him with an expectant look.

Timmy just nodded for him to go on.

“After I’m gone…” For the first time, his voice trembled. “Armie will need someone to take care of him. Will you continue to do that?”

Slowly, Timmy reached out his hand and laid it over Michael’s. He swallowed and could feel tears forming in his eyes. “Like you said...I love him. I will _always_ be there for him.”

Michael looked at him and as Timmy squeezed his hand, he smiled up at him.

Back in Armie’s hotel room, Timmy explained the basics of his conversation with Michael. At times, he got choked up though he tried to hide it. Armie was getting emotional as well. He kept biting his lip and hugging his arms around his body. When Timmy was done, Armie sniffled and looked away briefly.

“I’m so, so sorry I didn’t tell you I had it, especially after he died and you were asking about it.” Timmy wrung his hands in his lap. 

After Michael died, Armie had gone looking through some of Michael’s things for it. When he couldn’t find it he asked Viktor about it. When Viktor said he didn’t know where it was, he finally asked his father’s lawyer. All the lawyer would say was that Michael had made arrangements for Armie to get it eventually. 

“I just knew that your dad didn’t want me to tell you. He wanted you to have it when you needed it the most. I would have given it to you earlier, but I never thought it was the right time. But now, since you’re getting married, it felt like the right time. Just please don’t hate me,” he pleaded.

“Hey!” Armie gripped his forearm. “I could _never_ hate you. I would never hate you for keeping your word to a dying man, especially when that man was my father. You’re too good of a person not to keep a promise like that.” He touched Timmy’s chin and made him look up at him. “And, like always, you’re right. This is exactly when I needed it.”

“It is?” Timmy whispered.

“It is.” Gingerly, he reached out and put his hand around Timmy’s - the one that still held the lighter. He sucked in a breath when Timmy transferred the lighter into his hand.

For long moments, Armie just stared down at it, turning it over and over in his hand. He stood up and turned his back to Timmy.

“So, my dad told you why he kept this?”

“Basically. He said he kept it to remind him of what was ‘truly important in life.’” He stood up behind Armie. “Because you and your brother’s name is on it, I assumed it was about the two of you.”

“Yes.” Armie nodded as he briefly looked over his shoulder at him. “My father was always carrying around that lighter, but he never used it. One day I saw him with it and finally decided to ask him about it. He said he used to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day until Viktor was born.” He took a deep breath. “He said the first time he held him he knew real love for the first time and he needed to be there for him.” 

Timmy saw his hand come up and he seemed to be wiping his eyes. When he started speaking again, it sounded like he could barely get the words out. “He wanted to be here for him as long as possible, so he quit smoking. He kept his lighter and had Viktor’s name engraved on it - and then mine - so that every time he was tempted to smoke, he’d be reminded of what was truly important to him.”

For a while, he stopped talking and just seemed to be staring at the lighter. Timmy started to step closer when he suddenly stopped as he noticed Armie’s shoulders start to shake. A heartbreaking sob broke through the silence. Before he had fully turned around, Timmy had crossed the distance between them and Armie collapsed into his arms.

As soon as Timmy’s arms wrapped around him, Armie clung to his coat and his sobs grew louder. It wasn’t often that 6’5” Armie seemed so small and fragile. 

The tears in Timmy’s eyes blurred his vision and he closed his eyes, determined not to fall apart and be there for Armie.

Though he knew how important the lighter was, and knew Armie would get emotional, Timmy was not prepared for this reaction from him. Armie didn’t even cry this hard at Michael’s funeral. 

Maybe this had all been too much. He knew how much Armie missed his dad so he had wanted to incorporate him in this weekend as much as he could, but maybe the trip to Red Rock Canyon as well as the lighter was too much.

All he had wanted to do this weekend was make Armie happy and now he felt like he’d failed him. As Armie’s tears soaked through his coat, Timmy ran his hand along the back of his head and rocked him as he continued to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! 😁
> 
> @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr


	4. The Fun Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a stressful night, Armie just wants to have some fun and Timmy is more than happy to grant his wish!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess today is International Fanworks Day, so it feels appropriate to post today. Yesterday was not only Valentine's Day for me but the 2 year anniversary of the first time I saw CMBYN. Two years of love for this movie, these amazing men, and this great fandom (the fandom came a little bit later, but still...😁)
> 
> Thanks to ashleymoshow for looking this over for me.

So that definitely could have gone better.

Overall, the first day had gone very well. There was a lot of fun and laughs had by everyone most importantly by Armie but the way the night ended changed things. Even though Timmy had never been a best man before, he was fairly sure the groom ending the night in a puddle of tears was not a sign of success.

The amount of sobbing Armie did seem to have drained him quickly and his audible cries stopped after a minute or so, but when Timmy tried to pull away he wrapped his arms around him in a death grip so Timmy held him for what felt like hours. After a couple of hours, Armie fell asleep, snoring softly.

At around 2 o’clock, he suddenly sat up and wiped at his eyes. Without looking up, he said he should go to bed. Timmy was about to ask if he was okay when he cut him off, saying goodnight and getting up. Before turning the corner, he turned and lifted one corner of his mouth in a weak smile and then disappeared.

Timmy debated sleeping on the couch but decided he didn’t want to seem like he was hovering so eventually he went back to his room.

It was a long night and he tossed and turned for most of it. Trying to sleep was hard when the sound of Armie’s sobs still echoed in his ears.

While he was getting dressed, he could barely keep his eyes open. He needed coffee stat.

At the spur of the moment, he decided to wear the necklace Armie bought him. He paired it with a light purple short-sleeved t-shirt and light black jacket and jeans. 

Since he could barely sleep, he thought Armie probably couldn’t either. Armie enjoyed sleeping in on a good day, so he expected him to sleep in for a while. So, he was incredibly surprised when he arrived at Terrace Pointe Café - where they had all agreed to meet the night before - and saw him at a large table in the middle of the room looking alert and already drinking. It looked like a mimosa, which he finished off as Timmy approached.

All of the guys were already there. He was shocked to be the last one to arrive.

“Good morning, slacker,” Nick teased him when he sat down.

“I’m as surprised as you are,” he said, looking first at Nick before his gaze traveled to Armie who was sitting next to Nick.

His attempt to silently get his attention was unsuccessful since Armie was too busy trying to flag down their waitress.

“I thought you guys would be too busy sleeping off your hangovers,” Timmy continued. “I mean, except for you, Tyler,” he quickly added.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you for thinking that,” Tyler replied, “but these guys were actually pretty good last night,” he patted his brother and Nick’s shoulders. “A lot of gambling, very little drinking.”

“Very little winning.” Nick grinned.

“And a lot of crying,” Tyler finished, though he didn’t seem too broken up over whatever money they lost.

The waitress came by and took their orders. It didn’t escape Timmy’s attention that Armie ordered another mimosa - or the fact he was unusually quiet and wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

He knew that Armie was really sad last night but he was starting to worry he was actually mad at him. It affected his appetite and he barely touched his scrambled eggs.

“So, what are we doing this morning captain?” Giullian turned and directed his question to him.

Ashton answered instead. “Timmy, didn’t you mention something about going to a shooting range?”

Timmy was about to reply but froze up instead. The shooting range was definitely one of the activities he discussed with them. While he absolutely loathed guns, Armie had been to shooting ranges often with his father. It was another sort of family tradition since Michael went hunting with his father. Armie hated hunting so Michael took him to a shooting range instead.

After Michael died, Armie didn’t do it often though he told him he’d been to a range a couple of times with Liz, which surprised Timmy.

As part of his idea to incorporate Michael into the weekend as much as possible, he thought going to a one would be fun, but after Armie’s reaction to the lighter, he was definitely re-thinking that.

“Yeah, I did but there were other things, too,” he said as he mentally went through the list of what they could do instead.

“I think the shooting range sounds good. Right, Armie?” Nick unhelpfully piped up.

“Yeah.” Armie gave a stiff nod. He finished off his second drink.

“Are you sure?” Timmy leaned forward.

“Definitely.” Armie finally looked him in the eye. “It’ll be...fun.” He smiled but Timmy could clearly see it didn’t reach his eyes.

Despite his continued hesitation, he wasn’t going to overrule Armie so after they were done, they headed over to the range. It was only about five minutes away so they decided to walk.

Since they had some time, he wanted to take the opportunity to finally talk to Armie but he and Will were talking. Well, it was more like Will was talking and Armie was doing more nodding than anything else. He could see Armie had his hand in his pocket a lot and he suspected he had his dad’s lighter on him.

Apparently, Will finally realized how quiet he was being and moved up a little further towards Giullian and Tyler. Will shot a look over his shoulder at Timmy. His expression was one of concern.

As everyone else moved at a more normal pace, Armie seemed to slow down and fell behind. Finally having him somewhat to himself, he seized his chance and sidled up to Armie.

After a few seconds, he tugged on the corner of Armie’s grey t-shirt and grinned when he slowly faced him.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course.” His long sigh belied his comment. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just...you still look down like you’re still thinking about last night.” He scrubbed his hand through his hair, which he had forgotten to comb this morning. “I know you said you’re not upset with me for keeping this lighter for so long but maybe...maybe I should have waited for a better time to give it to you.”

“I told you - you were right this was the right time.” Armie chewed on his bottom lip. “It’s given me a lot to think about.”

He looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to elaborate but Armie just stared down at his feet.

While he was obviously curious about what he meant - what he was thinking about - Timmy wasn’t going to push him if he didn’t want to explain.

They arrived at the shooting range. Everyone but him was interested in participating. They all chose their weapons and were able to spread out and each have a space to shoot at the indoor gun range. Giullian was a first-time shooter and worked with one of the instructors.

The appeal of this completely escaped him but everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves, especially Nick and Ashton.

Everyone except Armie.

Since he wasn’t interested in shooting, he hung back by Armie and was able to watch him. He had a Glock and was expertly hitting the target like someone who’d been shooting most of his life would but he just didn’t seem into it.

Though he could only see the side of Armie’s face, he could see that his expression was intense. He supposed that might be normal when you were handling a gun but it was more than that. There was a deep frown on his face and he just seemed to be going through the motions. 

Before he could approach him, Timmy’s phone went off in his pocket. It was a good thing it was on vibrate - with all of the noise of the guns, plus the protective earmuffs he was sporting, he wouldn’t have noticed the call otherwise.

When he got his phone out, he saw it was Lucas calling. He stepped outside to answer it. By the time he took off the earmuffs, he had missed the call and it went to voicemail. He immediately called him back.

“Hey, babe,” Timmy said when Lucas picked up on the second ring. 

“Hi.” 

It was a short response but from the tension in his voice, he could tell something was up.

“What’s wrong?” He sat down on a bench by the entrance and took off the safety glasses he’d been wearing.

“Well, my brother isn’t just graduating, he had some other news, too. He’s getting married.” Lucas sounded less than enthused.

Even though he knew Lucas was upset, he couldn’t help letting out a little chuckle. “I’m sorry,” he replied immediately, “it just feels a little ironic because I just told Armie I think my sister will be getting engaged any minute.”

“Yeah, and I know you’ll be happy for her.” Lucas groaned. “I sound like such a dick complaining about this. I am happy for him. I really am, but do you know what was one of the first things my mother said to me after his announcement?”

Timmy had a good guess.

“‘So, where are things going with you and Timmy?’”

He winced.

“I swear it took everything in me not to roll my eyes at her.” Lucas sighed.

“Well, that’s good you avoided that.” He leaned back. “What did you say to her?”

“Uh…” Lucas cleared his throat. “I told her…” He coughed. “I told her we were moving in together.”

Shutting his eyes tightly, his head thumped back against the window.

“I know, I know!” Lucas cried apologetically. “I shouldn’t have said it, but I just wanted her off my back. Just because I told her that doesn’t mean anything...unless you want to move in together.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he had to inhale deeply before he could respond. “Lucas, I-I can’t talk about this right now. Armie just came out here and he needs my help. I’ll talk to you later. Don’t let your mom get you down.” 

He hung up without giving him a chance to reply.

“Fuck!” He hung his head in his hands. He hated lying to anyone, especially Lucas.

After a little while, he felt someone’s hand on his back. “Are you okay?”

Sitting up in surprise, he stared up at Armie. “Yeah.” He shook his head. “No. I just lied to Lucas. He asked about moving in together and I wasn’t ready to talk about it so I said you needed me and we’d talk later. I _hate_ lying.”

“If it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t a complete lie.” 

“What do you mean?” His attention was instantly focused on Armie.

“Well, I do need you,” Armie said as he rubbed his hand down Timmy’s back.

“Is something wrong?” He examined Armie’s face and saw the sadness in his eyes was still there.

“Not wrong exactly, but I want to go,” Armie answered.

“Why?” His brow furrowed. “I thought you said this would be fun?”

“I _hoped_ it would be, but truthfully, I’ve lost my appetite for this kind of thing with everything going on in the world.” He vaguely gestured around them.

That definitely made sense to him.

“Plus,” Armie squeezed his shoulder, “I know how much you hate guns.”

Timmy grinned - it was so sweet of him to be thinking of him. “That doesn’t matter.” He shook his head. 

“It does,” he insisted. “I’m so appreciative of you setting up so much of this weekend to include things I did with my dad and how you’re bending over backward to make me happy, but it matters to me if you’re enjoying yourself. I need you to be happy, too.”

When he gazed up at Armie and saw all the warmth in his eyes, he felt all the love he had for him came rushing forward and he threw his arms around Armie. “Thank you.”

Slowly, Armie embraced him. One of his hands traveled up to Timmy’s head and his fingers slid through his curls

He closed his eyes and just wanted to stay here - in Armie’s arms - for as long as possible.

Eventually, Armie pulled back though his hand remained in Timmy’s hair massaging his scalp. “So, let’s go and have some fun.”

Once he vehemently discarded the dirtier thoughts occupying his mind, one place immediately popped into his mind. A mischievous grin crossed over his face. “You want fun? I think I have the perfect idea.”

So, that’s how they all ended up in a bright blue and orange room in gym clothes playing Ultimate Dodgeball - on trampolines!

When he had looked online for activities to do in Las Vegas and found Sky Zone’s website and learned for the first time about trampoline dodgeball, he laughed out loud. He knew without a doubt Armie would get a huge kick out of it.

The last time Timmy had played dodgeball was in middle school. Unlike a lot of kids, he had actually enjoyed it. He was smaller than everyone else and very quick, so he usually ended up one of the last ones standing. 

While Armie didn’t have fond memories of it when he was younger because he was bullied and picked on, in high school he got bigger and he was actually able to have fun with it and get a lot of revenge on his former bullies.

Getting to jump around on trampolines made it something that all the guys were enthusiastic about when he told them where they were going. 

Since they had an odd number of people the teams were uneven but there was nothing they could do about it. Timmy, Armie, Will, and Giullian were on one team. Nick, Tyler, and Ashton made up the other team.

Given that they were in Las Vegas they decided - at Ashton’s insistence - to make things a little more interesting and placed bets on who would be the first to be tagged out and who would be the last one standing. Whoever had the best guess would win $100. Most of them kept their guesses to themselves except for Ashton who announced that everyone should bet on him being the last one to survive because “he had the buffest body among all you fuckers.” All of them fell over laughing at that comment.

Though Giullian was the smallest of them and the least athletic, because of his size he was very nimble and Timmy knew from experience that was a great advantage. So, his guess for who would be the first to go ended up being Will. While he was a strong guy, he was a bit slow.

As it turned out, his guess was right and Will was the first one tagged. Ashton landed a good shot smack in the middle of Will’s left cheek. It looked like it could have hurt and Timmy winced and felt a little guilty for basically betting against his friend. 

His guilt evaporated and he howled in laughter when Ashton was literally hit with karmic payback a few seconds later. He spent a little too much time gloating and not spending enough time watching his surroundings. Giullian hit him in the forehead, which instantly wiped the smile off his face.

The game went on for longer than he would have anticipated because everyone left was really good, and also because most of them were distracted by jumping around and having fun. As usual, what was driving him to distraction was watching Armie. There was this huge, goofy grin on his face as he jumped and flipped in the air to avoid getting hit by a shot thrown by Nick.

It amazed Timmy that he hadn’t been tagged out since he was barely looking straight ahead. When he turned to face forward, he saw a purple ball was seconds from hitting him in the face. Suddenly, he was being pushed aside and looked up to see Armie’s face above him at the same time he felt his arms wrap around him and they fell against the floor and bounced together.

“Are you okay?” Armie asked, panting.

Timmy could only blink up at him as he focused on how warm and safe he felt in his arms and how amazing it felt to feel Armie’s heaving chest against his. When he noticed Armie still looking at him with a worried expression, he finally nodded.

The next thing he knew, Armie turned and leaped off him in a flash. Another ball went whizzing by above him. Grabbing a bright orange ball, Armie jumped over to the sidewall of trampolines and ran across them and lobbed the ball across the room and hit Tyler in the chest. 

It took only a few seconds, but for him, it felt like it was in slow motion and as if he were watching a movie. Armie looked so strong and powerful and he was glad he was sitting down right now because if he weren’t he was sure his knees would be buckling.

As he finally got up, he smiled when he saw Armie shrugging his shoulders at Tyler who was headed off to the side where the others who had been tagged out were gathered. The grin on his face as he bounced on his toes could be described as impish, but somehow sweet at the same time.

Now, it was just Armie and Timmy versus Nick since Giullian got hit when Armie dodged the last ball coming towards them. Nick was crouched down holding a black ball in his hand with an intense look on his face. The man could be fiercely competitive and even though it was two against one, he was not going down without a fight. 

As Nick ran forward, Timmy and Armie raced towards opposite ends of the room to grab a couple of balls. Before picking one up, Timmy narrowly dodged a great shot by Nick. Quickly rebounding, Timmy aimed at Nick and he was impressed when Nick jumped up to avoid getting hit, doing a slight split in the air. 

Once again, he got distracted because suddenly Armie jumped ridiculously high in the air and did an amazing somersault. He wasn’t the only one transfixed by him because Nick was busy staring at him as well. As he was coming back down he pointed at Timmy.

“Now!”

Finally coming out of his Armie haze, he quickly picked up a ball and threw it at Nick, who had also finally stopped watching Armie and paid attention and managed to jump out of the way just in time only to be hit a second later in the stomach by an orange ball. 

Armie immediately threw his hands up in the air and whooped. They ran to each other - or rather - bounced and did a double high-five. All of the guys on the sidelines were clapping for them and even Nick, after sulking for a couple of minutes, congratulated them. 

The day got even better because it turned out they were both winners. Armie and Timmy won the bet and would split the $100. Timmy guessed right that Will would be the first tagged out, but his guess was that Armie alone would be the last one standing. Armie, on the other hand, guessed that Giullian would go out first but correctly predicted he and Timmy would stick it out together.

“I know we make a great team.” Armie had responded with a shrug when he asked him about his prediction.

A huge grin spread over Timmy’s face and he just nodded back because of course, he was right.

To continue the theme of having as much fun as possible, their group next headed over to Exotics Racing where they raced on super-powered go-karts. He was incredibly nervous getting in the go-kart, he’d never really been comfortable driving at high speeds - the fastest he’d ever driven was 80 MPH - but he was determined not to sit this out.

At first, it was terrifying and he tried not to go too fast but he also didn’t want to lose so he just kept going faster and, suddenly, it went from terrifying to exhilarating. Since they were wearing helmets and whizzing by each other, he couldn’t see Armie but was sure that he was having a ball.

That was confirmed at the end of the race. After they were done, they went to check out. Nick won and got a little trophy which he jokingly kissed and shoved in Ashton’s face. They all got Certificates of Achievement and all purchased an On-Board video of them behind the wheel of the go-kart. 

They played snippets of their videos on the tv by the video desk. When he saw Armie’s video his heart melted. The smile on his face was so wide he wasn’t sure how Armie’s face didn’t hurt right now. In the video, he took one of the 14 turns and he just screamed with joy. He looked like a kid at Christmas.

Even though he knew it might seem odd, he seriously debated asking them to sell him a copy of Armie’s On-board video, but he decided against it. 

Along with the video, there was also a picture taken that was equally adorable. After Armie showed him the picture, Timmy made him promise to show him the whole video later.

When they got back to the hotel, they separated to get changed for the concert. He got changed into a simple black shirt with an olive leather jacket. The outfit was completed with black leather pants.

They were going to a Billy Idol concert. While he wasn’t exactly in either his or Armie’s list of top 10 favorite artists, they did like plenty of his songs. Plus, given one of his biggest hits was called “White Wedding” he thought it was extremely fitting for this weekend, especially when he found out people often attended his concerts in bridal gowns and tuxes.

Since Idol often wore leather pants back in the day, he decided to wear them tonight. It was sort of his version of cosplay.

After he was done getting dressed he saw a text from Lucas asking to talk. He rubbed his hand against his forehead as he kept staring at the message not knowing how to respond to the simple text. As he went downstairs to meet everyone at the restaurant he was distracted by thoughts of Lucas. He ended up plowing into someone.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sir,” he started before looking up.

“Sir?” Will chuckled.

Finally, he noticed who he had bumped into and grinned. “What was I thinking? You’re no ‘sir.’ You’re younger than I am.”

“Only by four months, sir.” He winked at Timmy. “I suppose I should be grateful you didn’t call me ma’am.” 

“Definitely no ma’am.” He looked him up and down and whistled. “You’re looking sharp.”

Will did a cute little twirl. He was wearing a black leather jacket over a tight blue shirt and black pants. His hair was slicked back. “I clean up good if I do say so myself.” He nodded towards Timmy’s phone. “What’s got you so distracted?”

His thoughts returned to his predicament and he sighed. “Lucas texted me.”

“Shouldn’t you be happier to hear from your loving boyfriend?” Timmy wasn’t sure if he imagined the snarky tone when he said “loving boyfriend.”

“Normally, I would be,” they walked towards Charlie’s, “but earlier he asked me about moving in together and I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

“So, tell him that.” Will shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“It’s not that easy. Lucas is really sensitive right now. He has a tough time around his parents. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” He tucked a curl behind his ear.

“How does ignoring his texts avoid hurting his feelings?” Will raised his eyebrow.

He looked at him out of the corner of his eye and nodded. That was definitely a fair point.

“Are you sure it’s not something else?” Will asked after a moment’s hesitation.

“What else would it be?”

“Well, I know you’re not going to like me saying this but I’ve noticed the looks between you and Armie and seen some tension between you guys,” Will explained.

“What are you talking about?” He stopped walking. They were just outside of the restaurant.

“Armie was out of sorts this morning and you seemed a little distracted and worried, too. But the way you guys were looking at each other during dodgeball...it wasn’t exactly friendly.”

“You always say that.” He let out an indignant snort. 

“I know, but this was different.” Will took a deep breath and touched his arm. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

Looking around him, he saw that no one else was standing close by and then he scanned the restaurant. Tyler and Ashton were seated at the same table from yesterday. He didn’t see Nick or Giullian. 

Stepping closer to Will, he lowered his voice anyway. “What are you asking me? If we hooked up or something?”

“Yes.” Will swallowed.

“ _Wow_!” He shook his head and glared down at the floor before sharply looking up at him with narrowed eyes. “Is that really what you think of me? I would have sex with someone else’s fiancé a week before their wedding? You think I’m that horrible?”

“No,” Will said right away in a firm voice as if it was the most ridiculous idea. “I know you’re not a horrible person. If something happened between you two, I wouldn’t judge you. I’m not saying that you’re horrible.”

“Well, that’s what I’m saying!” He cried, then bit his lip hard and tried to regain control. “I have a boyfriend who I love. Armie is my best friend and he's engaged. I would never sleep with him and make us both cheaters. That would make me a horrible person.”

Will opened his mouth, but he waved his hand and cut him off.

“You are so off base, it’s not even funny.” He got in Will’s face. “I’m telling you to back off and stop bringing this up.”

“I’m sorry.” Will held up his hands. “I really wasn’t trying to upset you.” Remorse was written all over his face as he backed up and then trudged into the restaurant.

As soon as he was gone, Timmy shut his eyes tightly and let out a low groan. Even though he was genuinely annoyed at Will’s insinuation, he couldn’t help feeling guilty about lashing out at him, especially since he didn’t really have any right to act like he was completely out of line.

Though he was wrong about what specifically happened, something intense did happen last night and there was some tension that morning. Not only was he right about that but also about Timmy having feelings for Armie. 

The worst thing was, despite what he said, he wasn’t sure if presented with the opportunity - if Armie wanted to sleep with him - he would really turn him down.

When that realization hit him, he felt sick. Maybe he was a horrible person. The thought of facing the guys right now was too much and he needed a minute to get a handle on his emotions. He turned around to head back up to his room when he spotted Armie watching him from a few feet away.

As per usual, he looked amazing. Even from this distance, he could see how tight his purple shirt was and it was not helping him rein in his feelings - that color had always looked amazing on him. He was also wearing a two-toned purple jacket and black jeans. It was a struggle to keep from licking his lips and drooling.

Despite his leering at him for a long time, Armie didn’t seem to notice, probably because he was doing some leering of his own as his gaze never left Timmy’s pants. There was an expression of fascination on his face. He wasn’t blinking and Timmy wasn’t sure what to make of his reaction.

Did he seem turned on or was he imagining it? Perhaps his conversation with Will was causing his mind to be playing tricks on him.

Before he could question it further, Armie came out of his trance and blinked up at him. He coughed and his cheeks and the tips of his ears were pink as he began to approach him. Suddenly nervous, his eyes flitted everywhere but at Armie. He finally settled on staring down at his feet.

“So…” Armie cleared his throat. “Leather pants, huh?”

“Yeah.” He peeked up at him. “In honor of Billy Idol.” His chuckle was weak even to his own ears. “Does it look stupid?”

“Far from it,” Armie stated emphatically. “It looks - you look _amazing_.” His voice got lower. Dangerously low.

His stomach was competing for the Olympics with how much it was flipping. When he finally managed to look up at Armie for longer than a second he saw his gaze was once again on his pants. There was a look in his eyes he wasn’t quite sure he’d ever seen from him before.

When Armie glanced up and leveled that gaze on him, he almost lost his balance. The look was unmistakable to him now - it was hunger.

Armie took a step toward him and he couldn’t have been moved from his spot if an earthquake hit. They were practically nose to nose now. Armie was staring at his lips and his hand was slowly rising up towards his face.

“What’s up, guys?” Nick said in a cheery voice and patted Armie’s shoulder. He grinned at Timmy.

Armie’s hand quickly fell to his side.

It took every ounce of strength in him not to launch himself at Nick and tear him limb from limb. 

“Hi,” he gritted out.

Turning to look at Armie, he saw that he wasn’t looking at either him or Nick. He was looking off to the side and blew out a long breath. When he turned back to face Nick his expression was blank.

“Hey.” Armie stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I’m hungry, let’s go inside.” His eyes flicked up to Timmy once before he walked past him.

Nick followed him. 

It took him a few minutes to get over his intense frustration with Nick and the timing of his arrival but when he thought about it more, he didn’t know what he was mad about. Did he really think Armie was about to kiss him in the middle of the hotel a few feet from their friends? 

There was no way. It was crazy. 

His imagination was just running away with him. He didn’t know what was going on with these re-emerging feelings for Armie, but he knew he had to get himself in check.

Staying outside, he tried to settle his nerves, until Giullian joined him and he followed him inside. Immediately, he felt awkward because the only place left to sit was between Armie and Will. He studiously avoided looking at Will. At first, he tried to keep himself from glancing at Armie until he realized Armie was avoiding eye contact with him.

Just like that morning, Armie drank twice ordering a beer on tap. Unlike that morning, others seemed to notice and when they turned to him he didn’t know what else to do but grin and just shrug and play it off as no big deal. He hoped it wasn’t something to worry about. Also, he hoped that Armie would enjoy himself at the concert and he would forget whatever was bugging him just like he did with dodgeball and the go-karts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think - here or on Tumblr @filmgeekstacey
> 
> The next chapter will be posted very soon! ❤️


	5. Drunken Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armie gets wasted at the concert and Timmy takes him back to the hotel to take care of him. He's prepared for a long night - what he isn't prepared for are the things Armie ends up confessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it goes. We're finally going to get a glimpse into some of what's been going on inside Armie's head and what he's feeling. 
> 
> I've been really excited about this chapter for months now. It was awesome finally getting it out of my head into outline form and finally properly writing the whole chapter. I'm excited, but really nervous because it's an intense chapter and changes everything. 
> 
> I hope it was worth the wait and you like how it turned out.
> 
> Warning for brief mentions of past homophobic comments.
> 
> Thank you to ashleymoshow for looking this over for me!

The venue was packed when they arrived and Timmy noticed a couple of people dressed in white dresses. One “bride and groom” were seated behind them and spent most of the concert making out.

It was a large enough concert hall but the seating arrangement was intimate. They were all seated in the middle section close to the front row. 

The music was rowdy, good, and noisy. It was fun because the crowd was engaged - everyone except for Armie. At least not at first.

A lot of people were up and banging their heads but Armie remained seated and seemed lost in space. After about half an hour, he got up and came back with a drink - a White Russian. He did that two more times, getting drunker every time. The upside was that he became more animated.

Initially, it was fun watching him singing, or rather screaming, along with songs like “Mony, Mony” but then it got a little embarrassing. He was getting into other people’s faces and singing. Some people seemed into it, but one large mountain of a man - who was slightly shorter than Armie but far bulkier - didn’t like the way his red-head girlfriend was hanging off of Armie instead of him. Timmy could see him tightening his fists a couple of times.

Before the last few songs, Timmy, Nick, and Tyler had a mini-conference and decided it would be best if Armie slept it off early. He volunteered to take Armie back to the hotel. It took a little bit of convincing to get Armie on board - he had to tell him they’d put on their own private concert at the hotel - but he finally got him out of there.

Given Armie’s huge stature, it was a bit difficult getting him inside, especially since he was hanging off of Timmy. When they got in the elevator, he decided to head to his room since it was closer. Before they got off, Armie suddenly decided to start belting out “White Wedding.”

“It’s a nice day to start again! It’s a nice day for a white wedding. It’s a nice day to start again!” He yelled.

They stumbled out of the elevator and he tried to hold up Armie as they walked down the hall.

“There’s nothing fair in this world!” Armie continued singing/shouting. “There’s nothing safe in this world!”

“Shh!” He said as they got closer to his room.

“You shh. You said we would do our own concert.” Armie pouted.

“Yes, when we get to my room,” he explained.

“I want to do it now!” Armie insisted. “Look for something left in this world - start again!” He practically howled.

When they finally got to his room, he set Armie against the wall and took his room key out of his pocket as Armie hummed more of the song. After he got the door open, Armie lurched away from the wall and staggered his way into the room.

After quickly closing the door, he followed him.

“Start again!” Armie giggled. Suddenly, he sat down in the middle of the floor between the foyer and living room/bedroom. “You know what? I want a white wedding.”

“Yeah?” Timmy stood over him.

“I think it would be fucking cool. White everywhere, including white snow.” Armie held up his hand. “I mean actual white snow, not cocaine.”

“I think I figured that out.” He snorted.

“That’s what I told Elizabeth I wanted, but she wasn’t really into it.” He paused and looked down at his chest and played with the zipper on his jacket. “Same thing with the honeymoon.”

“What did you want to do for your honeymoon?” He sat down near Armie and leaned back against the beige dresser.

“Basically, same as a white wedding. I wanted to go to a cabin, in winter and spend most of the honeymoon inside cuddling together, just being with each other.”

“That sounds nice.” He smiled as he pictured it in his head.

Armie’s head lolled to the side and he glanced at him but his gaze was unfocused. “I’m not surprised you think so but Elizabeth is another story. She wasn’t convinced.”

“So, once again you got no say in this part of your wedding.” He ran his teeth along the bottom of his lip and tried to keep from cursing.

“No.” Armie shook his head. “Elizabeth gave me two options that she liked for beach locations and I got to choose from them. So, see it was my choice.”

He rolled his eyes heavenward. 

“I know what you’re thinking, but it’s my fault. I don’t - I don’t fight for what I want.” He hung his head and rubbed at his temples. “I just…” He covered his mouth. “Shit, I don’t feel good.” At first, he tried to scramble to his feet but he ended up crawling as fast as he could to the bathroom.

Timmy helped him get the rest of the way in and he rubbed his back as he began to puke his lungs out. This went on for about a minute before he stopped, while still clinging to the side of the toilet and breathing heavily. It seemed like he was done and he started to turn back toward Timmy when he sputtered and turned back to the toilet.

While he was pretty sure Armie puked on him that wasn’t even close to his main concern. He just watched over Armie as he continued to empty the contents of his stomach. He kept his hand on Armie’s back as he sat back against the bathtub. After another five minutes, Armie slumped his head against the rim of the toilet.

“Armie? Are you okay?” He rubbed circles on his lower back.

Holding his stomach, Armie slowly sat up and shrugged one shoulder. “For now, I think.” He looked down at himself and groaned. “Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ, I’m a mess!”

There was some vomit on his chin and the collar of his shirt. Timmy got up and picked up a towel and ran it under warm water.

“Do you know that was the first thing I ever heard you say? Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ.” Armie giggled. 

Returning to sit next to him, he started to wipe at the side of Armie’s face that had been laying against the toilet and then at the vomit on his chin. “How drunk are you? That wasn’t the first thing I said to you.”

Though he’s sure he might have been thinking it, he never said it. Actually, his brain was barely working when he first laid eyes on Armie. His gaze just traveled the length of his _loooong_ body over and over again until he realized what he was doing and his face got so hot he was sure steam was coming out of his ears. When his mortification passed, he glanced up and realized - to his immense relief - that Armie was staring at his feet and hadn’t seemed to notice. 

After that, he finally got his mouth and brain to work in coordination.

“I’m fairly sure the first thing I ever said to you was ‘you’re my roommate?’”

Armie opened his mouth and then clamped it shut as he looked down at Timmy’s shirt and wrinkled his nose. “I think I got puke on you.” 

Staring down at his shirt, he noticed a very small bit of puke towards the bottom, but he didn’t attempt to clean it off and kept dabbing at Armie’s face. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.” Armie shook his head and then groaned. “You’re taking care of me and I repay you by hurling on you.” He closed his hand over Timmy’s and stopped his efforts to clean him up. “Why are you so good to me?”

“Because you’re my best friend,” he said simply and smiled. 

It was true - setting aside whatever else he felt for Armie - he would always be the best friend he’s ever had and he would do anything for him. If he lost that, he didn’t even know how he would survive it.

“You’re my best friend,” Armie replied as he frowned and glanced down at his lap. “You were there for me when my dad died - like literally right there even though you had to get on a plane. You put up with my shitty behavior after it happened and stood by me even when I tried to push you away.” He closed his eyes and grimaced.

After his father’s death, to say he didn’t handle it well was putting it mildly. His constant crutch was alcohol and he pretended like he needed nothing and no one else. He started skipping classes. The way he treated Elizabeth was horrible. He was dismissive and cold and cruel at times. She finally had enough and broke up with him briefly.

He had tried to push Timmy away as well, but he refused to let Arrmie get away with it. He could see right through his behavior and knew that he was hurting and wanted to suffer by pushing everyone away and isolating himself. 

One night he reached his limit with Armie’s behavior. Armie was on thin ice with all of his teachers. He begged Timmy to help him with a test in his English class. Even though he ended up blowing off a test of his own to help him, Armie refused to be serious and just spent the time they were supposed to be studying drinking.

Completely fed up, that night he found all of the alcohol Armie had smuggled into their room and threw it all away. When Armie got back from partying and discovered what he’d done, he became enraged. He called him a “pathetic loser who couldn’t pay anyone else to be his friend” who was trying to control him.

Despite how much it hurt to hear him say that when Armie tried to leave immediately after, he blocked the door. Deciding to challenge Armie, he told him the only way he was getting out of there was if he physically dragged him out of the way. Other people might have thought he was crazy to get in the face of someone who had more than five inches and fifty pounds on him, but he wasn’t scared for even a second. Down to his core, he knew who Armie was and trusted him and believed he would never hurt him.

And he was right.

After staring him down for a minute with his nostrils flaring, Armie deflated. Sensing he couldn’t let up until Armie truly understood how much he was fucking up, he decided to bring up Michael. He briefly considered giving Armie the lighter but wasn’t sure if it was the right time. Instead, he talked about how much his father loved him and the great things he wanted for him. Did he think he was making his father proud by wallowing in misery and ruining his life? This heart-breaking expression crossed over his face and his eyes quickly filled with tears and he slowly collapsed on the floor.

When Timmy held him, Armie apologized profusely and didn’t stop apologizing for days. 

Things didn’t magically get better - it happened in very small stages. Instead of drinking every night, he started to drink only two nights a week. He started going to half of his classes regularly again. He still isolated himself, but he never pushed Timmy away again. Eventually, Timmy was able to help him get him fully back on track.

“You have more faith in me than anyone I’ve ever known.” Armie’s voice was tinged with such sadness as he opened his eyes. “I really don’t deserve that faith.”

“Stop -”

“No. It’s true,” Armie insisted as he stood up quickly. He wobbled on his feet and reached for the bathroom counter to stabilize. “You’re always there for me and I repay you by barely talking to you for the last six months. I don’t do enough for you.”

“That is such bullshit!” He stood up and stared Armie in the eye. “From the _first day_ I met you I was able to be myself with you. It’s not always easy for me to let people see what an awkward weirdo I can be…” They both chuckled. “But I did with you without even thinking about it. You accepted who I was - and liked who I was - and I felt so safe with you. So safe that when I came out you were the first person I wanted to tell. When I did you didn’t look at me any differently. You accepted that like you accepted everything else about me and that meant _everything_. Even if that was the only thing you’d ever done for me - which it’s not - it would be enough. So, don’t you ever say you haven’t done enough for me.”

Armie held his gaze and he seemed to be blushing before he lowered his eyes. “Okay,” he said softly.

He nervously balled the hand towel in his hand before throwing it in the sink and taking a slight step back.

Swallowing, Armie soon wrinkled his nose. “My mouth tastes funny.” He reached for the mouthwash on the countertop and took a huge swig straight from the bottle before he gargled and spit it out. 

“You should probably lay down,” he suggested.

“I don’t want to sleep.” Like a cranky toddler, Armie shook his head. He slowly walked out of the bathroom.

“You don’t have to sleep, just sit down on the couch.” He followed him. 

“No. I don’t want to,” Armie insisted.

“Well, what do you want to do?” He held up one finger. “And do not say put on our own concert.”

“Why not?” When he turned around there was a wicked grin on his face. “You can sing for me. Do some Billy Idol for me. You’ve already got the sexy as hell leather pants thing going for you. Ooh, maybe you can even sing “Lady Bird” for me and I’ll wave my lighter in the air.” He thrust his hand deep in his pocket and retrieved his dad’s lighter. 

After he flipped open the hatch, he tried to get the lighter to work but it wasn’t cooperating.

Rushing over, Timmy quickly closed the hatch and held his hand over Armie’s. “I don’t really think fire and drunk Armie is a great combination.”

Armie snorted. “Probably not.” His focus was on their hands touching. Slowly, he entwined their fingers.

He sucked in a breath.

Rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand, Armie stared at the lighter. He gazed up at the ceiling before he closed his eyes, swaying on his feet. “You know the last time I saw my dad he said that he had never really wanted to marry my mother.” 

That was a new bit of information and his head snapped up.

“Yeah. He said his grandparents and his mother were pressuring him to marry someone from a respectable family who would help him carry on the legacy of the family name. My grandmothers were friends and introduced my parents. My dad liked my mom but he didn’t love her but his parents insisted it was time for him to settle down. He thought his dad would stand up for him and be on his side, but he just stayed on the sidelines too afraid to go against his parents. So my dad gave in and got married. Even though it wasn’t fair, he took out his frustrations with his parents on my mom. He loved her to a degree, but not enough. I don’t know if it was the same for my mom - her parents pressuring her. I’ve thought about asking her but knowing her she’d never tell me and I don’t want to embarrass her. That’s why I never told you.”

Other than being shocked to hear this, he just felt intense sympathy for all involved - Armie, Viktor, Michael, even Dru. Given his family’s history sometimes he thinks he takes for granted how lucky he was to be raised in such a loving environment.

“I think he might have found the courage to leave if it weren’t for Viktor and me,” Armie continued.

“You can’t blame yourself.” He squeezed his hand.

“I don’t.” Armie nodded. “We were kids. We weren’t responsible for our parents’ fucked up choices. My dad said not to blame myself, either. He said it wasn’t until he realized that he was dying that it truly hit him that it would have benefited the two of us more to have two parents who were happy instead of being raised by two miserable people keeping a family together for appearances’ sake.”

Blowing out a shaky breath, Armie rubbed at his eyes. He crossed the room on shaky legs and sat down on the edge of the bed. Immediately following him, Timmy sat down beside him.

“The reason he told me all of that was because he wanted it to serve as a lesson to me of what not to do with my life. He said the most important thing in this world was that I am true to myself and choose happiness - no matter what.” He turned the lighter in his hand over and over again. “When you gave me his lighter that’s all I could think about. It was like some sort of sign. All I’ve been thinking about all day is am I doing what he wanted?” He sounded so distressed and unsure.

This was usually the moment he would try to say something reassuring to try and comfort him, but he didn’t know what to say and it seemed like maybe this was something Armie needed to answer for himself.

“I know what you guys think of Elizabeth.” Armie’s tone wasn’t accusatory but there was a frown on his face.

“I can’t speak for anyone else, but up until this weekend, I really didn’t have many issues with her,” he argued.

“But now you think that she’s too controlling and doesn’t care what I think and...you know sometimes that’s true.” His voice shook. “But she’s not a bad person. She’s smart and beautiful. She can make me laugh in some surprising ways. She’s put up with a lot of my shit, too. After the way I treated her after my dad died and she broke up with me, it was she who reached out to me. She apologized to _me_. Even after I threw that bottle at her head.”

This was one of those instances where Armie exaggerated something he did to make himself seem worse. While what he did wasn’t right, he did not throw a bottle at her head. Elizabeth and Armie got in a fight and Armie kept yelling at her to leave. Suddenly, he turned and threw a bottle towards the side of the room. Though Elizabeth was on the opposite side of the room when the bottle broke a piece ricocheted and almost hit her in the eye. Once he realized what he’d done, he tried to apologize but Elizabeth told him to fuck off and broke up with him the next day.

“I was relieved that she was willing to give me a second chance and she understood that I was grieving. I was so grateful to have someone else care about me, of course, I took what she was offering and we got back together. I’ve been happy with her. I love her. I just… don’t know if it’s enough.” He whispered that last part.

It took him a lot longer than he would have suspected, but instantly he assumed that Armie was finally hitting the stage of getting cold feet. He put his hand on his knee. “This is just nerves and all of those White Russians talking. You’ll feel better when you’re sober.”

“Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ, Timmy!” Armie pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes. “You’re not getting it. Just like you didn’t get it before. ‘Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ’ isn’t the first thing you ever said to me. It was the first thing I ever heard you say.”

“I don’t…” His brow furrowed.

“I was the first person who got to our dorm room,” Armie started to explain. “I was there for a while and I got bored and hungry so I left and went downstairs to find something to eat. I’d barely walked through the front door of our building when I saw you.” 

He looked up at Timmy and his whole demeanor changed and his eyes seemed more focused and he had the most tender look and his smile - could a smile literally glow - because it sure seemed like it was.

“You were picking up a box out of the trunk of your mother’s car and it was like the whole world just stopped. It was like there was this spotlight on you and only you. I’ve never experienced anything like that before in my life. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life.”

Timmy covered his mouth and he was dealing with his own breathing issues. Armie’s words replayed in his head. _The most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life._ How was that even possible? Armie saw him first? He thought he was beautiful? What was happening?!

“Somehow the bottom of the box you were carrying burst open and everything just scattered on the pavement except for some kind of glass figurine which shattered on the ground. You just looked up at the sky and yelled ‘Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ!’ That broke me out of my trance and I just burst out laughing. I’d never heard anyone say that before. It sounded so weird and silly, but cute and even though I didn’t know you, somehow, I thought that was so perfectly you - which I know is crazy. It’s why I still laugh or smile whenever you say it because I just think of that moment.” His smile somehow grew. “I think I laughed so loudly that you heard me. You started looking around and I felt like such a creeper for watching you that I darted off in the opposite direction.”

This was getting so weird because he did think he remembered hearing someone laugh at that moment. It was such a distinctive laugh and he just wanted to know where it came from. He didn’t see anyone laughing or looking over at them and stopped searching but there was something about the laugh that stayed with him. It made him smile and he forgot how annoyed he was at the box bursting open and he realized it wasn’t the end of the world so he got on his hands and knees and started collecting his stuff. 

A realization hit and he stood up and let it sink in. Even before he’d met him, Armie found a way to calm him down. A habit that continued when they became friends.

“When I got back to our room and I saw that _you_ were my roommate - I got so overwhelmed I didn’t know what to say or even how to speak. My brain stopped working and all I could do was stare at you. I finally tore my eyes away from your face and I just looked down and tried to figure out how to act like a normal person and not freak you out. I tried my best to be casual.”

He turned back. “Well, you did a good job because I didn’t know that you were nervous. You seemed a little stand-offish at times, but I didn’t think you were nervous.”

“I think I was a little distant because I was concentrating so hard on not staring at you and until I could I just tried to keep my distance, though that didn’t last long once we started talking. You were so funny and sweet. You said before that I made you feel safe and that’s how you made me feel. It’s like I’d known you all my life.”

There was a small grin on his face and he rubbed at the back of his neck.

“I knew I wanted to know you for the rest of my life. I think that’s why - that’s why…”

“Why what?” He took a few steps closer and licked his lips.

“I had a dream about you that night.”

His knees almost buckled and he had to sit back down. 

“It wasn’t like a sex dream or anything.” Armie bit his lip and gazed out at the front of the room. “What was weird was it was such a normal dream. We barely did anything in it. We were sitting on some couch and you had your head in my lap and I was running my fingers through your hair.” Turning back to face him, he lifted his hand slowly and sifted the tips of his fingers through a few locks of his hair.

Timmy had to choke back a whimper and his eyes closed almost involuntarily.

“I’ve always had a thing for your hair.” He put his hand down on the white comforter. “In the dream, you looked up at me and all I could feel was love. If I could have stayed in that dream, I think I would have. The dream was so normal that when I woke up, I had trouble realizing for a second that it was just a dream. I woke up with the biggest smile on my face.” His face was red as he smiled seemingly picturing that dream right now. “When I sat up in bed, I realized it was a dream. I looked across the room and you were sleeping so peacefully and looked so beautiful, I just knew that I was a goner.” His voice was so raw and full of emotion.

Putting his face in his hands, he had to look away. It was as if Armie was opening up his chest and showing him his heart and he didn’t know how to handle it. 

He’s not sure there were words invented yet to describe everything he was feeling. He should just be ecstatic, but he’s so confused. The entire time he and Armie had been friends he’d been positive that Armie was straight. He had no clue the kind of feelings he apparently had for him. How had he not seen it?

Sure, there were a few times - including this weekend - where he thought maybe Armie was slightly attracted to him but he always chalked it up to it just being a curiosity for him, nothing that deep but what he was describing went beyond just lust.

“Then reality came crashing down on me - hard.” He drew his legs up to his chest. “I thought about my mother and what she would think about the thoughts and feelings I was having. It wasn’t really something I had to imagine, though. In high school, I knew this boy named Henry and he was so cute and funny and I invited him over to my house just to study but I couldn’t stop staring at him. I felt funny and I knew what I was feeling wasn’t right. He wasn’t the first boy I’d felt that way about - or the last. At some point, without me realizing it, my mother came home and she saw me watching him.” He shuddered. 

At the mention of Dru, Timmy’s spine stiffened.

“As soon as I spotted her, it was like the temperature in the room dropped fifty degrees. She gave me this cold look I’d never seen from her. She was completely rude to Henry and told him he had to go home.” Armie rubbed at his eyes and it seemed like he was going to be sick again. “She gave me this impromptu bible lesson. She talked about homosexuality being a sin and even harboring those kinds of thoughts could ruin you. If you gave in to that temptation if you made that _choice_ ,” his lip curled up, “you would suffer horribly.” His eyes opened and flicked up to Timmy. “I knew she would make me suffer horribly so after I had that dream about you - about us - I did the only thing I knew how to do - I just stuffed what I was feeling for you down so deep and got so good at pretending it wasn’t there.” A tear streaked down one eye.

There was a white-hot rage bubbling inside of him. His opinion of Dru had always been low - to put it mildly - but it crossed over at this moment into a kind of hate he’d never felt for anyone in his life. He pressed his fingers to his eyes and had to stop the terrible, terrible thoughts that were coming to him. No matter how horrific Dru was, he was not about to let her backward, disgusting behavior poison him and turn him into someone as loathsome as she was.

“I’m sorry.” Armie touched his arm briefly and dropped his legs to the ground. Tears were still swimming in his eyes.

“What?” His eyes flew open. He moved closer and grabbed both of his hands. “You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. That bi-” He inhaled sharply. “That woman - and everyone like her - are the ones who should be sorry. You did nothing wrong. You shouldn’t have been made to feel ashamed because of your feelings for Henry...or for me.” He looked down at their joined hands and almost let go, but Armie gripped them.

“I know what you’re saying is true. It’s just really hard. It’s been so _hard_.” Armie shook his head as his voice cracked. “That’s what she’s done to me. One dream and I panicked. I never even had it again.” He swallowed thickly. “Until now that is.”

His eyebrows rose in question. 

“I’ve had that dream again almost every night for the past six months.” 

“Really?” He asked with wide eyes.

“It’s why I’ve been so distant with you lately.” Armie nodded. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t even risk Face-Timing you. I knew if I saw your face things would just get more intense. I knew this weekend was a risk, but I didn’t care because I wanted to see you again so badly but I was right - seeing you again, these feelings are clawing their way out of me and I don’t know what to do.” He ran his hands through his hair and tugged. “Fuck! I shouldn’t be telling you this. I’m jeopardizing everything. I could lose my relationship with Elizabeth. I could lose my relationship with you. I’m just so tired of lying about how I feel. I _hated_ lying to you but I…” He laughed harshly. “If I need to get my head straight I talk to you and I just couldn’t this time because...because what do I even say to you? That I don’t know how I can marry Elizabeth when the person I imagine spending my life with isn’t the person whose finger I put a ring on but the person sitting in front of me right now.” He cocked his head to the side and reached his hand out and played with the tips of Timmy’s fingers. “Someone whose green eyes - sometimes hazel - sometimes this perfect mix of both - but always so beautiful...so beautiful it still stops me in my tracks sometimes.”

When Armie reached up and wiped under his eyes and he saw his thumb was damp, it was the first time Timmy realized he’d been crying. 

Armie’s other hand came up and cradled his face and his eyes fluttered. When his gaze focused again he realized the distance between them was almost non-existent. His stomach instantly dropped and his toes curled when he peeked up and Armie was staring at his lips with that hunger he’d seen in his eyes earlier.

“That dream I told you about before isn’t the only dream I’ve had about you.” His hand stroked the side of Timmy’s face and his thumb softly caressed his bottom lip. “Some of them are much more...intense. These lips…” Armie bit his lip. “Do you know the things I’ve imagined them doing to me?” He seemed to be getting bolder, the longer he talked.

“Armie…” he pleaded.

“Please.” He pressed his finger against his mouth a bit harder. “If I don’t say this now, I don’t know if I’ll be drunk enough to say it ever again.” He licked his lips. “This mouth wrapped around my cock.”

His voice was so husky and it, along with the image Armie was painting, was making it difficult for Timmy’s brain to function, especially with the lack of blood flow to his brain. He dug his fingernails into his palms. 

“I want to feel these lips over every inch of me.” Armie removed his finger from his lips and stroked the sides of his face as he gazed into his eyes. “I want to touch you, too.” He leaned in closer. “I want to bury myself inside of you while you call out my name.”

This time he couldn’t hold back his whimper. “Armie.”

“I’ve dreamed of kissing you.” Slowly, he inched forward even closer. “Can I kiss you?”

Timmy just blinked repeatedly and tried to speak, nod, do something, but he couldn’t.

“Can I kiss you?” 

Now, he was so close that Timmy could feel his incredibly long, gorgeous eyelashes brushing against him. 

His leather pants felt so restrictive and uncomfortable. Also, he was sweating all over. His heart was racing but all of that discomfort just faded when he stared into Armie’s eyes - this man he’d adored for seven years - and saw the want he felt reflected in them. 

This was so wrong. Armie was drunk. He was engaged. He was straight. But none of that mattered because, God, Timmy _wanted_. 

“Armie, please-”

Suddenly, Armie turned his head to the side and he let out a loud belch. It looked like he was about to turn back when instead he collapsed onto the bed and held his stomach. “Oh, God, oh no, not again.” Not saying another word he staggered up and raced to the bathroom.

Soon, he heard Armie throwing up. It didn’t sound good, but he couldn’t really focus on it. This moment was another whiplash-inducing turn of events and he didn’t know how much more he could take. He bowed his head and rubbed at his temples.

The things Armie said - he wanted him as badly as Timmy always had. He cared about him. Did he dare assume that Armie could possibly love him?

That last question ran on repeat in his head until the predicament in his pants was too intense to ignore. Leather pants and raging hard-ons really don’t mix.

It also occurred to him that he hadn’t heard any sounds from the bathroom in a while. Getting up, he adjusted himself as best he could before he went to the bathroom. When he stepped inside he saw Armie passed out by the toilet. It reminded him of the many times he came upon a scene like this after Michael died. 

After rushing over to him, he kneeled down. “Armie?” When he didn’t respond, he gave his face a light slap. “Armie?” Still nothing.

Panic began to settle in. His heart raced for an entirely different reason and he held his breath as he leaned over and listened for signs of his breathing. He clutched at his chest and began to breathe again when he felt Armie’s breath against his face.

Using all of his strength, Timmy put his arms underneath his and lifted him up. He barely managed to hold on but got Armie over to his bed. For once, being a bit messy paid off, since now he didn’t have to deal with holding him and untucking the covers. He set Armie down and took off his shoes before he drew the covers over him.

By the time he was done, he was breathing heavily. For a few minutes, he just watched him. He never imagined this morning his life would change in such a drastic way. Only in his wildest dreams did he imagine Armie saying the things he said tonight - even in his dreams it wasn’t like this. But this wasn’t a dream. It was very, very real.

Despite it not being a dream, he couldn’t help the worry that was creeping up. What if some of the things he said weren’t true? What if this was just confused, drunken rambling? He’d been given a small kernel of hope tonight, but what if it was taken away in the cold light of day?

His stomach lurched and he ran to the bathroom. When he kneeled in front of the bowl nothing came out, but he still retched. After a couple of minutes, he flushed and bonelessly laid back against the bathtub. He laid his cheek on the cool surface of the tub. As his breathing normalized, he stared up at the ceiling and the next thing he knew he started sobbing.

_Please, let it be true._

Eventually, he was so wrung out by the events of the night and his sobbing that he fell asleep right there in the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know if you liked how this turned out. 
> 
> @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr


	6. Survival Mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy's dreams came true last night, but somehow in the morning, he feels like he's in a waking nightmare with nothing but fear and anxiety. He has a million questions but Armie is the only one who can answer them, if he can that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I want to say how much I appreciate the response and all the comments to the last chapter. It meant a lot to me to see that chapter so well-received. 😘
> 
> A slight warning that this chapter is mostly filled with a lot of angst...mostly 😉

_When he opened his eyes, he’s staring up at the ceiling. Turning to his left, he’s startled to find himself not in the bathroom or his hotel room. Instead, he peered closer and realized he was back in his and Armie’s dorm room. The room was bathed in brilliant, bright light and he saw Armie’s perfectly made bed, his scattered pens next to the red lamp on top of his small dresser. There was a Back to the Future poster on his wall._

_It suddenly hit him that his head was not resting against a hard surface and it wasn’t a soft pillow, either. He was laying on top of something warm and moving. He finally looked up and was met with wide, gorgeous blue eyes. His head was in Armie’s lap._

_Armie looked the same as he did now, not that he had changed much since college._

_The look in his eyes was somewhat different than he was used to. He was gazing at him with such naked adoration and love. His fingers were trailing softly through his hair._

_“Hey there, sleepyhead.” Armie’s smile was brighter than the sunlight shining down on them._

_“Hey.” His voice was hesitant._

_“How do you do it?”_

_“Do what?” His eyebrow raised._

_“Your hair is a wild mess. You’ve got eye boogers. You’ve been drooling and yet...you’re the most gorgeous thing ever.”_

_“You really think I’m gorgeous?” He could feel a growing blush on his cheeks he was sure spread over his whole body._

_“I have eyes, don’t I?” Armie’s smile widened._

_Timmy thought he should get up, but he was too comfortable and at peace. “How did we get here?” He sighed._

_“You don’t remember?”_

_He shook his head._

_“I do.” He softly stroked his thumb down Timmy’s cheek. “I remember everything._

There was some kind of pounding. Ultimately, that’s what woke him up. He listened for the sound again but heard nothing. He wasn’t sure if the pounding was really there - a knock on the door - or was just the pounding in his head come to life.

Though he hadn’t drunk anything last night, he felt like he had a hangover. His body ached. Inside his mouth, it felt like he’d been chewing on cotton all night. If he felt like this, he couldn’t imagine how Armie was feeling.

Armie!

Sitting up suddenly, he immediately regretted it. There was a horrible crick in his neck. He reached up and rubbed at it and turned and realized he was still laying against the bathtub. Everything from last night was coming back to him.

_I felt like I couldn’t breathe. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life._

_I looked across the room and you were sleeping so peacefully and looked so beautiful, I just knew that I was a goner._

_That I don’t know how I can marry Elizabeth when the person I imagine spending my life with isn’t the person whose finger I put a ring on but the person sitting in front of me now._

_Can I kiss you?_

Not even thinking about the potential pain, he scrambled up to his feet and rushed to the door, which was still open. Before crossing the threshold, he stopped in his tracks and hid by the side of the door even though he knew Armie couldn’t see him.

What if Armie was awake? 

What was he about to walk into? 

Last night, before he fell asleep all he wanted was for everything Armie said to be true but was that for the best?

He’d convinced himself for so long that he’d put those feelings for Armie aside, but who was he kidding? There were so many moments this weekend that he’d looked at Armie and his heart just swelled, his pulse raced, or his palms began to sweat or all three. He’d wished too many times for Armie to just kiss him.

Lightly, he banged his head against the wall. This couldn’t happen. He had to stop thinking like this. 

He closed his eyes and Lucas’ face popped into his mind. God, he had it so good with Lucas. He was cute, sweet, funny, and talented. The way he treated him made him feel so special. Lucas loved him so much. Was he going to throw that away?

Then, he thought about Elizabeth. They weren’t best friends and there were things he learned about her this weekend that put his teeth on edge, but she didn’t deserve to get her heart broke and be dumped less than a week before her wedding.

On the other hand…

Wouldn’t it be better to find out Armie didn’t love her enough before making such an intense commitment? Obviously, it would hurt but she should know if he wanted someone else.

If he wanted him.

The thought that Armie might truly want him was everything. He couldn’t fight the tremulous smile on his face.

He thought about the dream Armie told him about. It caused him to remember his own dream from this morning. It wasn’t the first time he’d had a dream like that. To get a chance to be like that with Armie - to love him openly and to be loved by Armie in return - it brought a feeling of calm over him. 

Inhaling deeply, he moved from his hiding spot and walked into the room. Taking light, halting steps he walked through the short hall from the bathroom to the living room/bedroom. There were only a few steps left before he could turn and see the bed. 

Every step closer, he could feel his throat constricting. It felt like he was walking the plank and when he finally saw Armie he wondered if he was going to fall, and just how far. The calm he was feeling a few seconds ago was now gone. He stopped and held his breath as he spotted the edge of the bed. As he held on to the wall, with a turtle’s pace he peaked his head into the room. 

On the bed, Armie was face down. While he couldn’t see his face or his eyes, with how still he was he assumed he was still asleep. Timmy softly leaned his forehead on the wall and let out a few breaths. 

Suddenly, he heard some rustling and he quickly picked his head up and his eyes widened and he almost jumped out of his skin as he could see the covers shifting above Armie’s legs as he started to move. Of course, he started to wake up right this second.

There was a big part of him that just wanted to flee - back to the bathroom, out of his room, out of the state - but he couldn’t do it. No matter what was going to happen, he needed to face it. So he walked out on shaky legs and stood close to the bed. He worried about Armie turning and finding him there and being weirded out, but he couldn’t move another inch.

“Fucking hell.” Groaning, Armie pressed one hand to the side of his head before slightly lifting it up. “What train hit me?” He placed his other hand on the other side of his head before he slowly started to lift himself up on all fours then twisted back around and sat up. His eyes were still closed.

Putting his hand over his mouth, he stood stock still as he waited for Armie to notice him. 

Rubbing at his temples, Armie opened one eye and then the other fluttered open. It took him another few seconds before he fully looked up. When he spotted Timmy, he just stared at him with a blank expression.

This was it. Beginning to internally freak out, he just knew what he was going to say. _Sorry for the mix-up last night. I was so drunk I didn’t know what I was saying. You didn’t think I still had feelings for you, did you?_

“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” he muttered.

“Sorry,” Armie finally spoke up.

Timmy could feel his heart begin to sink and tears were welling in his eyes. 

“I mean, I think I should say sorry. I feel like I did something bad to you but I’m not sure what.” He rubbed at his eyes. “Did I throw up on you or something?”

He just blinked at him. Wait…

“Do you…” He swallowed thickly. “You don’t remember?”

Armie put his head in his hands and groaned before he glanced back up at him. “No.” He chewed on his bottom lip. “I remember the concert. I remember a fuckton of White Russians. I think I remember you dragging me to your room...my room? And that’s about it.”

On so many levels, he felt like a total idiot. It had never occurred to him that Armie would forget everything. When he used to get drunk, there were a couple of times he couldn’t remember anything, but the majority of the time that wasn’t the case. But still, how could he not have anticipated this?

“I’m sorry, again. I know I sometimes ramble when I get drunk. Forgive me if I said anything stupid.” Armie looked up at him with an apologetic half-grin.

_Something stupid? Like telling me how much you want me?_

The room started to spin. This time he was sure he was going to be sick. He clutched at his stomach and started to back away.

The only thing that stopped him was the loud groan Armie let out.

“I am such an idiot.” Armie put his head down on the bed. “I shouldn’t have drank like that. So much for a dry weekend. I feel like shit.”

“I’ll get you some Advil and water,” he whispered with a strained voice. 

Rushing over to the bathroom, he got a pill for him, then got him a bottle of water from the mini-fridge. When Armie looked up, he placed the pill in his hand. After he placed it in his mouth, Timmy handed him the water.

“Thank you,” Armie said after swallowing a few gulps of water. He cocked his head to the side. “Why are you so good to me?”

Immediately, he remembered him saying the same exact thing last night. Every moment from last night hit him full on and he had to turn his head when he started to cry. He turned his back, pressing his lips together to keep from audibly sobbing, and tried to wipe his eyes as fast as the tears came. 

“I’m sorry for taking your bed.” Armie chuckled. “I’m sorry I keep saying sorry.”

He wiped his eyes again and took a deep breath. Still having trouble breathing normally, he didn’t trust himself to really face Armie and just looked at him over his shoulder with a brief, plastic grin. “It’s okay. Both things. You needed it last night more than me.” Finally, feeling a teensy bit calmer he turned around and stared at the ground. “You can stay and freshen up. Leave whenever you want.”

“Okay, I-”

“I really need to get out of here,” he cut him off feeling on the verge of tears again. “I’m really hungry and that food at the restaurant yesterday is really good. I’m just going to get some breakfast. I’ll see you later.” It all came out in a rush and he ran out so fast, he almost tripped over his feet.

As soon as he shut the door, he laid back heavily against it. He probably looked and smelled like crap and was still wearing the same clothes from last night, but he couldn’t stay in that room another minute. Talking to Armie, looking into his blank eyes, knowing he didn’t remember everything that happened between them last night, it was like being stabbed in the heart repeatedly.

All of last night - this morning - he had thought the worst thing possible would be Armie telling him he didn’t mean anything he said but for him not to remember it at all? It was like last night was erased. They were basically right back to the status quo. He never thought that would be a bad thing, until now.

Clearly, he couldn’t go back to his room just yet, so he aimlessly wandered down the hall. While he wasn’t hungry like he’d told Armie, he definitely felt like a drink was in order this morning so he headed down to Charlie’s and skipped getting a mimosa and immediately ordered a rum and coke instead.

While Armie might have forgotten what he said last night, he didn’t think he ever would. He couldn’t begin to wrap his head around what shocked him or moved him the most. Right now, he kept thinking about Armie saying that he saw him before they met in their dorm room and Armie calling him the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

It should make him smile, but he just felt sad knowing he might not ever remember telling him that.

The one thing he really tried not to focus on were the last things Armie said to him. Getting a boner in the middle of the restaurant wouldn’t be ideal and he already had enough to deal with. Unfortunately, when you’re trying to avoid something, it’s sometimes the only thing you can think about. 

In his head, he started to hear Armie’s voice dripping with sex telling him how much he wished to feel Timmy’s mouth around his cock. He knocked over the glass in front of him. Thankfully, there wasn’t much left in it. He grabbed some napkins to mop up the small spill.

“What’s up, fucker?” Ashton suddenly slapped him on the back.

He almost dropped his glass again. “Motherfucker!” He cursed and glared at Ash.

“Okay, okay, sorry.” Ashton held up his hands. “Obviously someone got up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“I didn’t sleep in my bed,” he grumbled.

“Did you sleep in Armie’s room again?” Nick appeared on the other side of him with Tyler beside him.

“No. I brought him to my room.” Even though none of them gave him any funny looks, he felt the need to clarify. “He slept on my bed. I slept in the bathroom.”

“The bathroom.” Ashton wrinkled his nose. “No wonder you look terrible.” He sniffed. “You kind of smell terrible, too. You didn’t even drink last night.”

“I didn’t, but Armie did and he puked on me a little.” He showed them the spot on his shirt.

“Gross.” Ashton was distracted when the bartender came over.

“How’s he doing?” Nick sat down next to him.

“He woke up this morning with a killer hangover. I gave him some Advil,” he explained.

“I’m worried about him.” Tyler sighed, running his hand through his shaggy hair. “I wonder if he’s starting to have second thoughts about getting married.”

Timmy’s eyes widened as he leaned over to glance at him. Given their earlier conversation, it wouldn’t have surprised him to hear that from Ashton but from Tyler it was different. Tyler was genuinely very laidback and positive. He seemed to like Elizabeth.

“That’s what I’m wondering, too,” Ashton piped in. “I’m really surprised it got this far given Armie’s prior commitment issues.”

“It’s not about Armie or his issues, not for me anyway. They don’t seem like a great match in a lot of ways, especially how similar Dru and Liz are, but he seemed happy with her. Except over these last few months, he’s changed. He’s seemed so...conflicted. I know from experience weddings can be stressful but this seems to go beyond that. I wanted to believe he was okay, but the way he’s been drinking…”

So he saw the changes in Armie, too. It was almost a relief to know he wasn’t imagining things, but it didn’t change things.

“It’s his bachelor weekend.” Nick waved his hand dismissively. “It’s customary to get plastered. We’ve been abstaining for your benefit Ty, and none of us really mind, but it’s not odd for the groom-to-be to sneak a drink or two.”

“Or ten?” Tyler shook his head. “This is different. He doesn’t seem troubled to you?”

He watched the exchange silently with a mixture of confusion, and despite not wanting to even entertain it, a slight feeling of hope. If even Tyler was questioning Armie’s commitment to Elizabeth maybe it meant something. He saw them more than he did.

“Okay, he’s been a little edgy and drank too much one night but I think it’s just good old-fashioned jitters.” Nick shrugged. “It happens. I love Fi like crazy and even I got them.”

“Maybe,” Tyler said though he didn’t sound convinced as he drew a circle in the condensation on the bar’s surface.

“Come on, this is Armie. He may have had commitment issues,” Nick directed a pointed look at Ashton, “but he’s as loyal as they come, especially when he makes a promise and he loves Elizabeth. They’re this close to the wedding. He wouldn’t let things get to this point and just end it. It would kill him to hurt her like that.”

Though Nick was speaking at a normal volume, he felt like he was screaming every word in his ear. Everything he said was true. It probably didn’t matter if Armie remembered what happened. Nothing would change.

Feeling bile rise in his throat, he got up too fast and almost knocked down his stool.

“Whoa, whoa, are you okay?” Nick held on to his shoulder.

“Yeah.” He nodded quickly. “I should probably check on Armie.” His voice was shaky and he left before they could ask him any more questions.

The entire elevator ride up he held his head in his hands. When he got to his room, he paused before swiping his key. He actually prayed Armie wouldn’t still be in his room.

After opening the door, he stepped inside cautiously. He swallowed before crossing into the living room/bedroom. He let out a slight exhale when he saw Armie wasn’t there. Despite his distress, he had to smile when he saw Armie made his bed.

Knowing he wasn’t completely out of the woods until he checked the bathroom, he made his way over there. The shower wasn’t running and it sounded deathly quiet. Feeling more confident, he opened the door and let out a long sigh when he saw it was empty.

Looking at the huge, tempting shower, it hit him how badly he needed a shower. After turning it on, he got undressed on the spot, letting his clothes drop to the floor.

When he stepped in and felt the warm spray on his body, he exhaled. Slowly turning around, he let the water drench his dark curls and reached for the shampoo. As he did that his mind wandered and for the millionth time this morning he thought about the things Armie said.  
Dipping his head back to rinse out the shampoo, he relaxed enough to let go and tears began to flow freely, which he didn’t try to stop.

After his sobs subsided, he was completely spent and felt exhausted. His mind drifted again to the dirty things Armie said to him. This time, images accompanied his words. The second he pictured his mouth around Armie’s huge, amazing cock he moaned and was hard in seconds. 

His right hand slid down his wet stomach and his fingers hovered by his crotch. It wouldn’t be the first time he masturbated to thoughts of Armie. He rationalized that if he masturbated now maybe he could release some tension and manage to get through their last day together.

So, he took himself in hand. Pumping slowly at first, he started to picture deepthroating Armie. Tears would stream down his face with Armie fucking loving every minute of it. His head would be thrown back, a steady stream of curse words flowing from his wide-open mouth. 

Timmy bit his lip and whimpered as he could already feel an intense orgasm coming on. 

Armie had mentioned wanting to hear him call out his name. He felt the same way. His fist flew over his cock as he imagined chanting Armie’s name. His toes curled and he came hard, grabbing on to the slippery wall when he heard his fantasy Armie screaming “I fucking love you, Timmy” and came down his throat.

It took him a couple of minutes to catch his breath. He let his come wash down the drain and then quickly washed his body and stepped out.

After blow-drying his hair, he got dressed in a simple black t-shirt and baggy blue jeans. He was in the middle of putting on his socks when his phone loudly buzzed against the nightstand. When he checked it and saw Lucas’ smiling face a huge wave of guilt hit him. How could he talk to him mere minutes after jerking off to thoughts of Armie?

But, given he’d ignored him most of yesterday he knew he couldn’t keep doing that to him. He didn’t deserve that. 

He grabbed his phone and took a deep breath before he picked up. “Hey.”

“Hey. Why didn’t you answer me yesterday?” 

“I’m sorry. There was the concert. Armie got drunk and I...looked after him and I just forgot to call you back. I’m sorry.” He laid back on the bed.

“Okay.” He could picture Lucas chewing on his lip during this long pause. “I thought you might be mad at me for telling my mom we’re moving in together.”

“I’m not mad at you.” He shook his head even though Lucas couldn’t see him. “I know you did what you needed to do.”

“Okay. Good.” Lucas sighed. “And if you’re not ready to talk about moving in together, that’s fine.”

“Alright,” he said simply.

Lucas cleared his throat. “Well, I think you’ll be happy to hear after a rough start things were pretty nice the rest of the day yesterday. My dad actually said he listened to ‘Lady Bird’ and was impressed.”

“That’s great.” Timmy smiled genuinely.

“My mom is still mentioning you constantly but with less pressure. I’m trying to look at the positive and think about how nice it is that my mother loves my boyfriend as much as I do. What’s not to love, right?”

Closing his eyes, he suppressed a groan as he drowned in guilt.

“She’s making all kinds of plans for Christmas.”

“Uh-huh.”

There was another long pause. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” It sounded flat to his own ears.

“Is something wrong?” Apparently, Lucas also picked up on it.

“Why?”

“You just sound off.”

“I’m just tired.” He sat up.

“From taking care of Armie all night. You both know he’s a grown man, right?” He sounded more than a little agitated.

“Of course we know that. Grown men get drunk. You know that, don’t you? I’m pretty sure you’ve gotten drunk more than once so don’t judge him.” It came out much testier than he intended and he winced.

“Okay.” Lucas swallowed audibly. “I’m going out for breakfast with my family so I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright.” He rubbed the back of his neck and felt queasy. They both felt the awkwardness - he knew that. Their conversations were never this stilted.

“I love you,” Lucas said softly.

“I…” His voice cracked. “I-I love you.”

It was a few more seconds before there was silence on Lucas’ end.

He tossed his phone to the side, grabbed a pillow and pressed it up to his face while letting out a muffled “Fuck!” 

After another minute, he got up and trudged over to the dresser. Mindlessly, he picked up a few of his bracelets trying to pick something to wear for the day. Soon he heard a knock at the door. He instantly stiffened.

Walking over slowly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be Armie or not. He didn’t bother asking who it was before he opened the door. When he saw it was Armie he held his breath and instantly wondered if he remembered what happened last night. Would that always be the first thing he thought of when he saw him? How long would this go on for - a month, a year, five years, forever?

“Hi.” Armie bit his lip and fidgeted in place.

“Hi. Uh…” He desperately wanted to ask if he remembered but couldn’t get the words out. “What are you doing here?” He hoped that didn’t sound harsh.

“I just wanted to apologize again for last night.” Armie pointed to inside the room. “Can I come in?”

“Uh...” He briefly looked over his shoulder. “Yeah. O-of course.” Quickly, he stepped aside and let him in. After closing the door, he stayed next to it, keeping some distance between the two of them.

“I still don’t remember everything that happened, but I can’t shake the feeling like I did something I need to apologize for.” His eyes flitted up toward Timmy before he looked back down at his feet. “Did I?”

“No.” Timmy chewed on the edge of his thumbnail. Honestly, that was true, at least to him. He didn’t want or need Armie to apologize for finally being honest about his feelings...if he was being honest.

“Okay.” Armie sighed and some of the tension seemed to leave his body. “Well, then um, I wanted to ask if you had anything planned for us to do today?”

It took a few seconds for Timmy’s mind to focus on anything but last night and the nerves he felt being so close to Armie right now. When he was finally able to think about plans he had made, what felt like a million years ago, he remembered one idea was doing an escape room. Being trapped in a room with Armie and the other guys while trying to act normal, have fun, and figure out clues when he felt like he was close to a mental breakdown just standing next to Armie - hard pass.

One of the other ideas he had been toying with seemed like it might be a better fit and less stressful. “We could check out the Mob Museum.”

It was a museum where you could learn about the history of organized crime, check out films, exhibits, and artifacts from real-live mobsters. Armie had always been a huge fan of gangster movies.

“I don’t think I’m in the mood for that.” Armie shook his head. “I’m feeling a little better but with my hangover, I don’t really want to do anything that requires the use of my brain. I want to do as little thinking as possible.”

“Right.” He grinned. Given everything that happened last night, if he could turn off his brain he would. 

“Plus, I know you’re not a big fan of those types of movies,” Armie added.

A warm feeling of happiness replaced the pit in his stomach as he noted Armie once again being so considerate and thinking of his comfort.

“I had an idea of where we could go if that’s okay.” Armie sounded really enthused.

“Of course it’s okay.” He let out a slight chuckle. “It’s your bachelor party, Armie.”

“I know. I just don’t want to disrupt any of your plans. But, okay.” He took a few steps closer. “I thought maybe we could go to Ethel M’s Chocolate Factory. I’ve heard its varieties of chocolate are to die for and I know you and your huge sweet tooth. Plus, they have this big, amazing cactus garden which I thought you’d like.”

“Armie…” He closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, struggling not to run over to him and leap into his arms. He made it so difficult to not love him and want to crawl all over him.

“I know what you’re going to say.” Armie held up his hands. “That what you want doesn’t matter, but that’s not true. It does - to me. And I may not remember everything I did last night but I know we had to leave the concert early because I was an idiot and got way too drunk. You were having a good time and had to cut it short because of me. I never wanted you to have to take care of me while I was drunk, not after everything I put you through when we were in school. You took care of me and I want to repay you for that - for that and everything you’ve done for me. Making you happy matters to me.”

“Stop!” His face contorted in agony and he pressed his face into his hands, not able to take another second of this. Hearing Armie tell him he wanted to make him happy...He couldn’t handle this anymore. The only thing that would make him happy, Armie couldn’t give him. As much as he tried to fight it a muffled sound came out. Once that happened, it was like a dam burst and he let out another sob and soon tears were streaming down his face.

“Oh my, God Timmy!” Armie’s arms were soon wrapped tightly around him. “Shh, it’s okay.” He brushed a lock of Timmy’s hair from the front of his face.

He resisted Armie’s embrace at first, his arms trapped between their bodies, but soon he slid his arms out and gripped his back. When he pulled back slightly and peaked up at him, Armie wiped his tears with the pads of his thumbs. They held each other’s gaze the entire time.

“Timmy?” There was deep concern etched in his eyes which seemed to be glistening as well.

Pushing back against Armie’s chest, he disentangled himself from his arms and stared down at his feet.

“What’s wrong?” Armie pleaded.

“I-I feel like I’m losing you.” He shook his head as he blew out a breath. “You’re going to be married soon and have your own family. You won’t have time to be there as much as you used to. It’ll be like the last six months again.” He trailed off at the end, thinking of the real reason why Armie said he distanced himself.

“I’m so sorry about that.” Armie hung his head and groaned. “I handled everything so badly.”

“I didn’t bring it up because I wanted you to apologize again.” He sniffled and wiped at the drying tears on his cheeks. “I just - I just wanted you to know that I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you, too but you don’t really have to worry because I promise I’m going to stay in touch. It’s not going to be like the last few months. It was torture not seeing you. You’re one of the most important people in my life and that’s never going to change.” He gently gripped his shoulders.

Sensing another breakdown coming on if Armie kept going, he decided to change the subject as fast as possible. He backed up and Armie’s hands fell to his sides. “Thank you, that really means a lot to me. Since you really want to, we can go to the chocolate factory. Just give me a chance to splash some water on my face and I’ll meet you and the guys downstairs.”

“Are you sure? I can wait for you.” He chewed on his lip and stayed rooted to his spot. 

“It’s not necessary.” He tried to sound like he had it together and forced a tight smile. “Just go and corral the guys and I’ll be right behind you.” 

“Okay.” Armie started to head to the door but turned back with his hand on the knob. 

Before he opened his mouth, Timmy cut him off. “I’m fine.” 

Armie nodded, his brows knitted together, then opened the door and left.

He sagged in relief as soon as he was gone and ran a hand down his face. After a minute, he did go to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. As the water droplets dripped down, he gazed up at the mirror. “How the fuck am I going to get through this day?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr
> 
> The next chapter will be up soon!


	7. For the Best?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy is still trying to process Armie's confession which isn't helped by Armie's clinginess and an unexpected conversation.
> 
> He has to go it alone most of the day until Will steps in with a shoulder to cry on and some wise words.
> 
> Timmy has to decide whether to let Armie's confession stay a secret or confront Armie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *nervously chews fingernail* Anxious to post this and nervous as well. I hope you like where this ends up. 😊

After drying his face, Timmy put on a silver bracelet, grabbed his wallet and phone and headed out. By the time he made it downstairs, Armie had informed the rest of the guys of their plans. No one had any issues with it or chose to splinter off.

They had a quick breakfast and headed off to Ethel’s. They took a shuttle there. Timmy sat near the back near Giullian, who seemed to notice the continued tension between him and Will and acted as a buffer though it was mostly unnecessary since Timmy barely noticed anyone else and kept his eyes trained on whatever whizzed past the window.

When they arrived they all headed to the chocolate factory with Ashton making an obligatory joke about wanting everyone to call him Charlie and asking where the little orange men were. Stepping inside this incredibly inviting aroma immediately hit you and, even though they’d just eaten, most of the guys’ mouths started to water. 

The place was fairly busy but they all got to go down the viewing aisle where they were able to catch a glimpse of the kitchen to see the chocolatiers making some of the delicious-looking chocolate. Right now, they were making chocolate caramel bars.

Despite all the heavenly chocolate in so many different forms that surrounded them, he just couldn’t get enthused about it. Giving a brief glance toward Armie it seemed like he felt similar. He was staring into space with a faraway look in his eye. 

As the others lined up to get some free samples, Timmy quietly backed out of the factory. Going around to the back, he located the huge, sprawling cactus garden. There was a circular path where you could walk through the vast array of cacti, succulents, desert trees, and shrubs. It was really was gorgeous and he was able to get lost in the beauty for about a minute before his thoughts inevitably turned back to Armie.

One of the things he truly couldn’t get over wasn’t just what Armie said but the depth of emotion in his voice. There were a lot of things Armie said last night that he questioned whether it was true or just a product of drunken rambling but the pain in his voice - that was unmistakable. It wasn’t fake. Timmy knew this because it was the kind of pain he had lived with all throughout college. The kind of pain Armie apparently also felt during that time but hid so unbelievably well.

How had Armie lived with that for so long? Even though he’d been living with the same pain for so long, right now, it felt impossible to figure out how he had. 

How had Timmy been so blind to it? Though he knew it was ridiculous and silly there was a part of him that was a bit hurt because he thought he knew Armie so well, but he’d hidden something so major from him. Then again, he had done the same thing so he had no right to be hurt by that.

Mostly his heart just ached. He ached for the lost years. If either one of them had been honest a long time ago maybe they wouldn’t be in the mess they were in now. He ached for Armie. Being forced to stay in the closet and deny not just what he felt for Timmy, but who he was all because his mother was some religious nut who convinced him his feelings made him unworthy. 

He put his hand to his stomach and could barely keep standing he felt weighted down by his anger and how sick he felt over what Armie had gone through. Armie was put in an impossible situation of either being who he was or basically losing the only parent he had left. How could she do that to him?! He just wanted to scream in her face and tell her what a monster she was. He wanted to go home and cling to his parents and tell them, once again, how much their unwavering acceptance and love meant to him.

But before that, he just wanted to go to Armie and tell him how he felt. Tell him that he didn’t need to be scared anymore. Tell him that he wasn’t alone in this. The thing that stopped him was he just couldn’t stop thinking of the collateral damage being honest would cause, namely to Lucas and Elizabeth. He’s not sure if he could handle being responsible for causing that kind of pain.

What if it was for nothing? He still didn’t know what Armie really felt for him. He didn’t know what Armie really wanted to do. If Armie hadn’t gotten so wasted would he have ever told him the things he did? 

What if he never remembered? Would that be for the best? Would it make things easier? Maybe going back to the status quo wouldn’t be as bad as he feared this morning.

All of these thoughts were driving him crazy and he began to pace back and forth and was almost making himself dizzy. He knew he would probably look insane to anyone that might be there in the garden. He was about to turn around again when someone gently gripped his shoulder. His nerves caused him to shoot up in the air and whirl around almost hitting someone.

It turned out to be Will, who seemed to have ducked just in time.

“Well, I guess either your nerves are shot or you’re still mad at me. Possibly both.” Will straightened up slowly. 

“No, I’m not still mad.” He heaved a great big sigh. “In fact, I probably owe you an apology.”

“Me?” Will gestured to himself. “Why?”

“Because I was a giant asshole last night. I was mad at you because you were right.” He began to pace again.

Will’s eyes widened. “You and Armie did sleep together?” He exclaimed much too loud.

“What?” Timmy stopped in his tracks and blinked at him. “No! We didn’t sleep together the other night. You were wrong about that. What you were right about was there is tension between us. I do…” He swallowed. “I do have feelings for him. I am a horrible person because the truth of the matter is I don’t care about Elizabeth. Not really. If I could be with Armie I think-”

“Hey, guys.” Armie suddenly appeared beside them.

“Fucking hell!” He yelled as both he and Will jumped and whipped around toward Armie.

“Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ!” Armie held his phone to his chest and looked as scared as Timmy felt. 

“Don’t sneak up on people like that!” He admonished Armie as he ran his hands through his disheveled hair and tried to calm down. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Armie and tried to get a sense if he had heard anything when he walked up to them.

“Sneak up?” Armie’s eyebrows were raised. “First of all, it’s a public garden. Secondly, I’m 6’5” with large feet. I don’t think I’ve ever snuck up on anyone in my life.”

Will chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I just came out here because I’m on the phone with Elizabeth and she wants to talk to you.” Armie was looking over at him.

Looking from the phone still pressed to Armie’s chest then up at his face, he felt dread from his head to his toes. His main instinct was to tell Armie “no fucking way” but there was no viable excuse he could of think of to explain why he wouldn’t want to talk to her. His options were limited even more when Armie extended the phone toward him.

Slowly he reached for it as he shot “help me” glances at Will who seemed to be looking for the best way to tunnel underneath him and head for the hills.

As he took hold of the phone his fingers brushed lightly against Armie’s, as if his nerves weren’t frazzled enough. Taking a deep breath, he placed the phone to his ear. “Hey, Elizabeth,” his voice was so high he sounded like he hadn’t reached puberty yet.

“Hey, angel babe,” Elizabeth said in an over-the-top cheery voice.

He grimaced. His _loathing_ of that pet name from her knew no bounds.

“What are you guys doing? It sounded kind of rowdy a second ago.” 

“We’re just at a cactus garden.” Armie was watching him intently for some reason so he turned around and crossed one arm over his stomach.

“A cactus garden?” She sounded skeptical. “That doesn’t sound like Armie’s sort of thing.”

“Armie likes gardens. I like gardens.”

“Ahh.” She sighed. “It was your idea, then.”

“No.” Timmy shook his head. “It was Armie’s and it was a great idea. He has a lot of great ideas,” he added pointedly hoping it straddled the line between sounding as annoyed as he felt and somewhat innocuous.

There was a long pause. “Of course he does. He proposed to me, didn’t he?”

He would now count his greatest feat of strength today not hurling all over Armie’s phone just then.

“I just wanted to talk to you, first, to thank you for babysitting, my guy.”

With how hard he grit his teeth, he was almost surprised they didn’t shatter. As much as he wanted to, he could not go off on her. Not only was Armie right behind him but he had almost kissed her fiancé last night and wanked to thoughts of him this morning, he didn’t feel like he had the right to snap at her right now.

“No need to thank me.” He meandered a little further away from Armie and Will. “He’s my best friend. It’s not exactly a chore to hang out with him.”

“Still, I really appreciate it.” She cleared her throat. “I also just wanted to tell you to make sure that Armie and Tyler get on the road tomorrow by 7 AM because he has a dentist appointment at 1 and then an appointment to get his haircut and I’m going to need him to call the DJ so he can go over the song list one more time and make sure he doesn’t add too much of that rap music Armie’s obsessed with.”

He bit his bottom lip and roughly rubbed at his forehead.

“You know what, scratch that. I’ll talk to the DJ. Armie can talk to the videographer and go over the shot list.” She plowed ahead barely taking a breath. “Also, I think Armie’s having some difficulty with his vows so it would be great if you could help him with that. Hell, write it for him if you need to.” She chuckled.

“Write it for him?” He scrunched up his nose. “Aren’t vows supposed to be, I don’t know, personal?”

“It will be. You know Armie so well and you’ve been there for our whole relationship. I think you can speak for him and say something really beautiful especially after writing such a gorgeous song like “Lady Bird.” 

It was bad enough he was probably going to have to stand by the man he...He shook his head. He was going to have to stand by Armie’s side and watch him marry someone else. He’d be damned if he poured his heart out just so Armie could use it to pledge his undying love to her.

To placate the bride-to-be he decided his answer should be more diplomatic than that. “I’ll help him as best I can.”

“I would expect nothing less,” she crowed. “I can’t wait to see you on Wednesday.”

“Wednesday? I’m not coming up there until Thursday,” he explained.

“Thursday? I could have sworn Armie said Wednesday.” She groaned. “The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner is on Thursday. Will you have time to pick up your tuxes before the rehearsal?”

“Definitely.” He nodded. “I’m getting in early around 9 so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Okay.” She sounded uneasy. “I just think it would be so much easier if you just drove back with Armie and Tyler tomorrow.”

“I have to go back home. I have some work to do.”

“You write songs. Can't you do that anywhere?”

While she had a point, her dismissive tone didn’t sit well with him. He opened his mouth to respond but she barreled on ahead.

“It would so convenient for us to have you around for longer to help and, it would be good for you, too. I know how much you hate to fly. You’d cut out so many flights this way.”

“That’s a good point, but I already paid for the tickets and they’re non-refundable. I just want to relax a little and spend time with Lucas.” He turned and walked back towards Armie and Will ready to hopefully end this torturous conversation.

“Alright. Even though you won’t be here until Thursday, “ she sighed and sounded put out, “tonight I’ll e-mail you the schedule for the week.”

“That’s fine.” He briefly waited for a response but when none came he decided to say good-bye before she could come up with something.

“I really can’t wait to see you,” she spoke up before he could open his mouth. “You really have been there for us for so long and this wedding wouldn’t feel right without you. I don’t think our relationship would have survived if you didn’t take such great care of him after his father died. You were such an amazing friend and I just want you to know how much I do appreciate it.”

How sincere she sounded shocked him. It was probably the warmest she’d ever sounded and It made him feel like utter pond scum for being so annoyed with her and especially for wanting to see her get her heart-broken. It took him forever to be able to speak.

“Timmy?”

“Yeah,” he croaked. “I’m here. Thank you for saying that. I’ll see you soon.” He handed the phone to Armie without another word and turned away. 

“I’ll talk to you later, honey. Bye,” Armie said hastily and then hung up.

He was hunched over slightly and wondered if he looked as green as he felt. When Armie and Will came to stand in front of them, he glanced up, and by the worried expressions on both of their faces, he had his answer.

“What happened? What did she say to you?” Armie asked as he gently touched his shoulder.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “It’s not her fault.”

“I think Timmy’s feeling a little sick,” Will cut in. “He had some alcohol this morning and then didn’t eat much and it’s not sitting well with him.

Throwing him an appreciative glance, he took a deep breath and let it out. Almost quite literally he did not have the stomach to lie to Armie right now.

“Oh, no.” Armie frowned but then got a determined look on his face. “Alright, a shuttle should be back here soon. I’ll take you back to the hotel.”

“What?” Timmy stared up at him. “You can’t just leave. We just got here.”

“I don’t care.” Armie shrugged. “You shouldn’t be here when you’re sick and you shouldn’t go back alone.”

“I can go with him,” Will suggested.

“Right, that makes more sense. It’s not Will’s bachelor party.” He looked back and forth from Will to Armie.

“You left the concert last night early and you took care of me. Please, just let me return the favor.” 

There was such intense concern on his face and he was gazing at him with such pleading eyes that Timmy didn’t have the strength to turn him down. “Okay,” he said weakly. They started to head off and he looked over his shoulder at Will. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Will nodded.

The entire ride back in the shuttle Armie kept himself pressed closely to him - either his hand would be on his knee or his thigh pressed against his or his hand touching his and, at one point, he put his arm around him for a few seconds. It was what he could only describe as sweet torture. At times, he literally wanted to jump out of his skin at being so close but not getting to touch the way he truly wanted but when he saw the hotel come into view, he felt such a feeling of loss before they even stepped off the shuttle.

Once they got to his room, he knew it would be for the best if Armie left right away. He was one raw nerve right now and he needed some time alone to get some kind of hold on his emotions. 

Armie had other ideas.

“Okay, you should take your jacket off and your shoes and get in bed right away,” he said as he took his own jacket off.

“I will. I’m just going to take a quick nap so you can go and maybe head back to the chocolate factory.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“No. I said I was going to take care of you so let me do that.” Armie walked over to the mini-fridge. “Let me get you some orange juice or water or milk or tea.”

“I’m not really thirsty.”

“Part of the reason you’re sick is you didn’t eat enough. So you should at least eat something.” He marched over to the bedside table and opened the first drawer and pulled out the room service menu. “I can order you something?”

His near desperate desire to care for him was so sweet - or would be if it wasn’t making the situation unbearable. “Armie, you really don’t have to play nursemaid.”

“I’m not playing nursemaid. I’m...I’m playing waiter.” He chuckled weakly and shrugged.

“You don’t have to do that either.” He smiled, glancing at the front door. As much as he loved him, he was so close to walking over and opening it to give Armie the hint he just wasn’t getting.

“I do!” Armie insisted. “I need to repay you for everything you’ve done.”

“Oh my, God, Armie! Just shut up!” It came out with a ferocity he didn’t expect and clearly Armie didn’t either. It looked like he had been punched and he took a step back. Now that he started, Timmy kept going feeling a little better letting these emotions he’d been bottling up spill out. “I swear to God if you thank me one more time or tell me how much you need to repay me, I’m going to _lose my fucking mind_!” He roughly pushed his hair back away from his face. “Is that really what you think of me? That I’m good to you because I need you to repay me in some way? It’s called being a friend, Armie!”

“I didn’t - I didn’t mean anything bad by that!” His eyes were wider than Timmy had ever seen them. “I’m sorry.”

Armie looked so hurt and confused, his anger dissipated as quickly as it came. He let out a long sigh and pressed his face into his hands. “I’m sorry,” he said when he looked up. “I should not have snapped at you like that. It just gets so frustrating. I don’t look out for you or take care of you because I want or need you to do anything for me. I do it because -” He cut himself off because he was about to use the common “you’re my best friend” refrain but he didn’t want to. For once, he just wanted to be as honest as he could be. “I do it because I love you.”

Swallowing, Armie closed his eyes for a second and nodded slowly. When he opened his eyes, he stared into Timmy’s. “I...I love you, too.”

There was no doubt that he meant it, but he didn’t mean it in the way Timmy wanted him to. He probably never would. It hurt so much, he thought he might collapse on the spot. 

“I really appreciate you wanting to take care of me. I really do, but I just want to sleep. So...could you please go?” He whispered.

“Okay. I’ll go if you want me to.” Armie pursed his lips. “Can I check in on you later?”

“Of course. I’ll probably only sleep for a couple of hours and I’ll be down for lunch or dinner or something. Just go and enjoy your last day here. Don’t worry about me.” He tried to sound stronger than he felt to put Armie’s mind at ease but Armie still looked worried and a little lost.

“I don’t think that’s possible, but I’ll try since you asked.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Just take care of yourself.”

“I promise.” He gave him a lop-sided grin.

Armie held up his hand in a silent wave and then left.

As soon as he was gone, he trudged over to his bed and flung himself backward. When he closed his eyes, tears fell down the sides of his face. He tried to go to sleep, but he just lay there with his eyes closed, miserable and bone-weary.

After some time had passed - he wasn’t sure how much - there was a knock on the door. He was sure it was Armie again. Slowly he slid off the bed and made his way to the door. “Armie, I -” When he opened the door, it wasn’t Armie standing before him, but Will.

Will quickly stepped past him into the room without waiting for him to invite him in. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t leave things that way. When Armie offered to take you back here, you looked like a hostage trying to get away from their kidnapper.”

“Oh, come on, it couldn’t be that bad, could it?” He wrinkled his nose.

“It was that bad. You looked seriously distressed. Not that I thought Armie was kidnapping you, I know he would never hurt you - not like that anyway - but something is upsetting you, big time. And, obviously, I needed to hear more of what you were going to say before Armie interrupted us. You finally admitted you have feelings for him and you started to say something about how if you could be with him and then Armie scared the shit out of us.”

His whole demeanor and voice were so amped and hyper. It made him feel even more tired and he turned and walked back toward the bed.

“I don’t want to make assumptions,” Will continued, “and I don’t want you to get mad at me. I just want you to know that I’m here to listen. So, just talk to me.”

Sitting on the bed, he pulled his feet up and wrapped his arms around his knees. “It’s not just that I have feelings for Armie...I’m in love with him.” He could feel more tears coming but didn’t attempt to wipe them away. It was the first time he’d admitted out loud how he truly felt about Armie to anyone.

Will stepped closer to him but didn’t move to sit next to him on the bed. His expression was full of compassion and he silently waited for him to continue.

“You know for years, I dealt with this ache of knowing that Armie would never feel the same way about me. He was straight. He had his beautiful, actress girlfriend. I think he looked at me like a...sidekick? It would never be the way he looked at her like he really wanted me...until last night.”

This time, Will did sit down next to him staring at him with wide, curious eyes.

“He told me that he’d had feelings for me since we were in school together but he couldn’t do anything about them because of his religious zealot, homophobic mother.” Venom dripped from his words as he spoke about Dru. “But he said that he can’t stop thinking about me. He said that he wanted to kiss me. Then, he threw up and in the morning, he didn’t remember a single part of what he said to me.” He pursed his lips and tried to hold back tears as he turned to Will. “So, that was my night.”

“Oh, Tim…” 

He sounded so heartsick for him that he couldn’t hold back his sobs anymore and his shoulders began to shake. As he cried, he fell over onto Will’s chest and he wrapped him up in a tight hug.

Despite the anguish he felt, this brought him a huge sense of relief. Getting to talk about this with someone else, being held, it was something he didn’t really know he needed. It brought so much comfort to not be alone anymore.

Slowly, he pulled back first burying his head in Will’s shoulder and then sat up and sniffled.

“I know that it really sucks that Armie doesn’t remember, but can’t you look at the positive here?” Will tried to meet his gaze.

“What positive?” Timmy turned to him.

“You’re not alone in this now. Armie has feelings for you, too,” Will explained.

“But how do I know it’s even true?” He wiped his eyes and nose. “Armie was drunk off his ass last night. He might not have meant most of what he said.”

“I really doubt that.” Will let out a slight chuckle. “I know its cliché, but Shakespeare is one of my favorite poets. He has this really great quote about being drunk - ‘that which hath made them drunk hath made me bold.’” Will put his hand over Timmy’s. “Being drunk didn’t mean Armie just made things up. It just stripped away everything he was scared of, that he buried so deep inside, and it made him bold enough to say it.”

Timmy covered his eyes as he felt a fresh wave of tears coming on. There was definitely a lot of sense to what Will just said, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up once again. “I don’t know.”

“That’s fine if you don’t know. You don’t have to take my word for it. Just talk to Armie.”

“He doesn’t even remember.”

“He may not remember your conversation last night, but he knows how he feels.” Will put his hand over his heart.

“Yeah, he knows how he feels.” He stood up and turned his back to Will. “He loves Elizabeth. What about her?”

“What about her?” He shrugged.

“Aren’t you friends with her? You work together.” Timmy was taken aback at the flippant way he said that and whirled around to stare at him. 

“Right, we work together.” Will stood up, too. “Basically, we’re work acquaintances. Outside of when we share the same scene, which really isn’t that often, or when we socialize because of the friends we have in common, we barely speak. I hate to sound callous but she isn’t my concern, you are.”

It was blunt but he could understand that type of reasoning, especially from Will who was one of the most pragmatic people he knew.

“I really appreciate that, but I don’t want to hurt her.” He rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t think I’m the type of person who could break up a wedding.” 

“So do it before the wedding even takes place.” There was a slight edge to his voice and he sounded like he was growing impatient. “It’s crazy to me that you could possibly consider giving up a chance to be with someone you’ve been nuts over for seven years.”

“What’s crazy to me is that we’re even having this conversation!” He was so frustrated and tired. “This is all pointless. Armie is not going to leave Elizabeth. He wouldn’t do that to her. And putting aside Elizabeth, there’s his mother. I don’t know if Armie has it in him to stand up to her and I don’t know if I’d want to ask him to make that sort of choice. She may be a miserable fucking excuse for a person but she’s the only parent he has left. She’s all he has. You know?”

“No. I don’t know that.” He shook his head slowly. “He has you. He has me and all of his other friends. He has his brother. She is not all he has.”

“I know that, but…” He trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Will cocked his head to the side and scrutinized his face. “Are you scared?”

“Of course, I’m fucking scared!” He screamed and he could feel his eyes bulging as he glared at Will. “I’m - I’m terrified.” His voice cracked. “What if he never remembers and I’m left with these questions for the rest of my life? And, you’re right that I could just talk to Armie but what if he tells me this was just some sort of misunderstanding? Yeah, maybe he had feelings for me a long time ago and he had to put them away, but he managed to do it and he never said anything to me. He found Elizabeth and he genuinely fell in love with her. He proposed to her. Maybe he’s thinking about me lately but maybe it’s just cold feet? If that’s true, I don’t think my heart could take it - giving in to hope only for it to be taken away again. And, what’s worse is, now he’ll know how I feel about him. How can it not be awkward after that? What if we never recover from that?” A shudder ran over his whole body. Even contemplating that as a hypothetical he could feel his heart being torn to shreds.

Will attempted to step toward him, but he held up his hand.

“You know, I’ve spent most of the day ping-ponging from one emotion to the next. One second I think it would be the worst thing in the world if Armie never remembered then the next minute, I wonder if that would actually be for the best. There are moments I think he can’t possibly love me as much as I love him, then I start wondering...maybe he does.” He closed his eyes and let that small bit of hope wash over him. There was a serene grin on his face before it immediately fell. “I can’t wrap my mind around anything - except one thing. The one thing that I know is that I can’t lose Armie’s friendship. I won’t risk it. I can’t.”

After he was done, Will cautiously approached him. When he didn’t back away, Will took hold of his hands. “You’re doing it again, you know.”

“What’s that?” Timmy blinked up at him.

“You’re just focusing on the negative. What if you tell Armie how you feel and you find out he loves you as much as you love him?” He smiled

Of course, that would make all of his dreams come true. He hugged his arms around his chest.

“You know me, Timmy. I’m not an overly romantic guy. I’m not someone who has an overabundance of faith. I believe what I can see right in front of my face. I know it’s always driven you crazy that I’ve said that I can tell you have feelings for Armie but it’s because I could see it. The way you look at him, the way you talk about him, the way you are together. I could see it from Armie, too. That’s why when you told me what Armie said last night - I was surprised about him saying it now - but I wasn’t surprised in the least to find out he has feelings for you.” He squeezed his hands. “I really do understand why you’re scared and I’m not telling you to do anything you really don’t want to do. I just want you to really think about this. What has hiding your feelings for Armie gotten you? It’s been seven years. You’ve met a great guy like Lucas. Yet, you’re still not over Armie. Continuing to stuff your feelings down isn’t going to make you feel better. It’s just going to get worse and worse. Same for Armie.”

There was a pit in his stomach and he started to shake. It scared him how much he could feel that was true. But he appreciated Will being honest with him and caring so much.

“Thank you.” He threw his arms around Will. “It really does mean a lot getting to talk about this with you.” He pulled back. “But, as you said, I really need to think.”

“Okay.” Will nodded. “I’ll let it go - for now.” He grinned.

That actually managed to bring a small smile to his face. He knew he meant it and would definitely keep on him about it since it was obvious he felt strongly about this.

After Will left, his stomach grumbled and he decided to do what Armie had suggested and ordered lunch. He was hungrier than he realized and ended up ordering chicken and waffles, fries, and apple pie. 

As soon as he was done eating, he fell asleep. He was woken up an hour later by back to back texts from Lucas and Armie checking in on him. He texted Lucas back that he was fine. Briefly, he thought about asking how things were going with his family but he didn’t feel like getting into a drawn-out conversation, so he didn’t which he felt guilty about.

With Armie, he told him he was feeling better but that he was probably going to stay in for the night. Since his thoughts were consumed with Armie and about what to do next, he knew he couldn’t fake being in a party mood or act like his dutiful, platonic best friend.

While he couldn’t get Armie out of his head, it seemed like he wasn’t far from his mind either. Armie checked up on him periodically. As conflicted as he still felt, it amused him when Armie told him if he couldn’t fall asleep he would happily come to his room and sing him to sleep - badly.

He laughed until he remembered him singing “White Wedding” last night and how it led to his confession.

Curling up in a ball on the bed, he turned off his phone and tried to focus his thoughts on Lucas. So many of the happy moments in his relationship with him came to his mind, like their disastrous first kiss. On their first official date, they’d gone ice skating and Timmy had ended up spraining his wrist. What was ironic was he didn’t hurt himself skating, but slipping on some ice in the parking lot. Lucas was so sweet taking care of him and helping him wrap his wrist up. 

When Lucas was leaving, he had attempted to kiss him but Lucas moved out of the way at the last second to tie his shoe and Timmy ended up hitting his nose on the door.

Despite his nose hurting a lot, they both had a good laugh about his very clumsy night. Lucas kissed the tip of the nose then kissed him sweetly on the lips. It left a perma-grin on Timmy’s face for the rest of the night.

After that memory, he thought about the night they finished “Lady Bird.” As soon as they were done, he had this feeling they’d done something special. Lucas said he felt the same way. They made love for hours.

Their relationship meant a lot to him but no matter how many happy memories came to mind or how many of Lucas’ many amazing qualities he thought of he couldn’t stop making comparisons to Armie. It was unfair, especially since he and Armie had known each other longer but he couldn’t help it. 

Putting aside the conflict right now, when he just thought about their relationship and how Armie made him feel there was just no comparison. Meeting Armie was the greatest moment of his life. His heart raced every time they hugged. Just thinking about his smile could put him in a better mood. He couldn’t picture his life moving forward without Armie in it. The love he felt for him was so engrained, he didn’t think he could stop and didn’t know if he really wanted to.

At 3 AM he managed to fall asleep, even if it was fitful. He woke up three hours later and finally remembered that he needed to pack. He finished that and then put in his earbuds and tried to spend the rest of his time drowning out any thoughts with music. When he turned his phone back on, he was surprised to see Armie hadn’t him texted him again since last night.

His flight wasn’t for another couple of hours, but he wanted to say good-bye to the guys. He texted Nick and he said he and the others were in the lobby. He gave no indication if by “the others” that included Armie. Just in case, he combed his hair and tried not to look like death warmed over.

Before stepping off the elevator, he took a deep breath.

When he spotted them, he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed when there was no Armie. Neither were Will and Giullian, which made sense since they were going to be on the same flight as him. They all greeted him with big hugs and, of course, ribbed him for missing the last day.

“I know you’re a lightweight, Chalamet, but I never thought Vegas would get the better of you in two days.” Ashton slapped his arm. “A couple of mimosas and you’re down for the count?”

“Who says it was the alcohol that made me sick? I think it was seeing your face for so long that did it.” He good-naturedly teased him.

“You know you’re going to miss me.” Ashton grabbed his head and put him in a headlock.

“Oh, God, get off me,” he protested pushing him off. “Did you ever grow up past the fifth grade?”

“The fifth grade? I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Tyler countered. “First grade, at best.”

Nick snickered. He nodded toward Timmy. “We really did miss you last night.”

“Really?” Timmy smiled as he tucked his hair behind his ears. “I thought you guys would have appreciated not having to follow any of my plans and getting double the time at all those classy strip clubs.”

“While naked ladies are always a delight, it was a little difficult to completely enjoy the view with Armie moping all night.” Ashton crossed his arms over his chest. “He was really worried about you.”

“At one point we had to take away his phone because he kept insisting he needed to check in on you every five minutes,” Nick explained.

“When we went out to dinner he seemed to be doing better,” Tyler added as he moved out of the way of a fast-moving couple, “we were all laughing together and then he just shut down again. After that, he called it a night early.”

At first, he felt guilty for ruining Armie’s night and putting a damper on it for the others as well, but now he was getting anxious. He knew Armie was worried about him but this seemed to go beyond that. It especially worried him since he hadn’t heard from him in a while.

“Did you see him this morning?” He asked.

“We just checked in on him,” Tyler answered.

“He seemed hungover, though he insisted he wasn’t.” Nick frowned. “I think his head hurt because he just laid down in bed the whole time we were in his room. He just seemed out of it.”

Even though Armie couldn’t remember what happened last night he really doubted he would get so drunk again, especially with how bad he felt this morning but he could see by the expressions on the guys’ faces that they were all concerned. He looked over his shoulder toward the elevators itching to get to Armie.

“I’m starting to worry that you guys were right about him.” Nick pursed his lips and scuffed the tip of his boot against the floor. “I think it’s more than just the stress of the wedding.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, Timmy kept silent about just how right he was.

“Speaking of…” Tyler groaned. “Liz keeps freaking texting me that we need to leave soon.” He showed them all his phone with the notifications from her.

Timmy’s phone buzzed in his pocket. While he had a feeling it was Liz as well, he took it out in case it was Armie. When he looked down at the display and saw it was her, he rolled his eyes. 

“It’s a dentist’s appointment. Calm down,” Ashton grumbled. “His teeth are already blindingly white. I think the wedding photos will still be Instagram-ready if he misses the appointment.”

Nick stepped closer to Timmy, worry written all over his face. “I think you need to go up and talk to him. I think you’ll have better luck getting him to open up to you.”

He knew Nick was likely right, and as his friend, he wanted to help him in any way he could, but his legs shook as he walked to the elevator.

The entire ride up he kept panicking and trying to decide if he should tell Armie what he said last night. Will’s voice kept screaming in his ear to just do it. By the time he heard the ding and the doors opened, his brain was so scrambled, he could barely remember his own name.

Walking to the door was a blur and he must have knocked since the next thing he knew the door was swinging open and all he could see was Armie’s beautiful face. That beauty was only slightly marred by his bloodshot eyes, messy hair, and rumpled clothes - the same clothes he had been wearing yesterday.

Maybe he really did get drunk last night.

Armie was staring at him as if he was seeing him for the first time.

“Hi.” He winced a little but wasn’t sure what else to start with.

For a few seconds, Armie didn’t respond then shook his head as if clearing out the cobwebs. “Uh, hey.” He stepped aside and let him in.

After walking through the short foyer, he examined the living room. There were no mini-bottles of alcohol strewn around the room. The bar looked untouched.

Turning around, he saw that Armie remained just outside the room under the archway watching him intently.

“Um, d-did you eat anything?” He fidgeted on the spot shifting from foot to foot.

“No. I’ve been in bed all morning.” He cleared his throat. His voice sounded rough.

“Sleeping it off?”

“What?” Armie’s brow furrowed.

“You seem like you’re hungover. Didn’t you learn your lesson yesterday?” He tried to chuckle, but it sounded more like a wheeze.

“I’m not hungover.” He stepped inside walking toward Timmy. “I’m actually thinking very clearly.”

“That makes one of us,” he muttered. “I’m glad you didn’t get drunk again because it’s not good for you but also because I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you and know that you’ll remember it.” He paused, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. His heart was beating so fast he thought it might pop out like in a cartoon. “I need to talk to you because I need to make sense of this. When I need to make sense of things, you’re the one I talk to.” He grinned ruefully. “You said the same thing to me last night. I know you don’t remember that, but it meant a lot to me and -”

“I do,” Armie cut in.

“I need to tell you something but I don’t know how…” He talked over Armie and then trailed off as his words began to sink in. Slowly, he looked up at him with wide, unblinking eyes. “You do?”

“I remember saying that,” he said softly. “I remember everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a good place to leave it, right? *super-duper innocent face*
> 
> Let me know what you think. @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr
> 
> Next chapter soon!


	8. The Choice is Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sober Armie finally reveals to Timmy what he remembers about the night he drunkenly confessed and how he really feels about Timmy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting this! Life things got in the way, plus this chapter is so pivotal that I wanted to take time with it. I'm happy with how it came out, but kind of nervous because there are twists and turns here and it gets pretty angsty.

Something scary was happening. It was like he was in some sort of fog. He could still see Armie standing in front of him, though the distance between them now was smaller. His mouth was moving, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying. 

It felt like he’d gone deaf and dumb.

The only thing that brought him out of it was when he felt Armie’s hands strongly grip his shoulders and he shook him once. 

Blinking up at Armie, he swallowed thickly as he looked into his anxious eyes and remembered the last words he said to him. 

_I remember everything._

“You remember?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Loosening his grip on him, Armie nodded. “Yes.”

Rubbing his forehead, he stared at the floor as he tried to process this. “What does that mean?”

“It means…” Armie licked his lips which proved incredibly distracting to him. “That I remember the other night you dragged me back to your room. I remember telling you about the last conversation I had with my father. I remember telling you about seeing you for the first time and how incredibly beautiful I thought you were. I remember telling you about the dream I had about the two of us that night.” He paused and moved in a little closer. “I remember telling you about other dreams I had about your mouth and how -”

“Okay, okay,” he cut in, backing away from him. “You remember.”

His breathing quickened again and he felt like he was about to start hyperventilating. Armie’s close proximity wasn’t helping, so he turned and walked a few feet away from him by the window. All the way up to Armie’s room, he had worked himself up to attempt to tell Armie about his confession but even as he started talking to him a few minutes ago - minutes that felt like a lifetime now - he hadn’t been sure what to say or if he was going to be able to go through with it. 

Now, it turned out it didn’t matter.

He remembered.

Running his hands through his hair, he shut his eyes and could feel his heart thundering inside his chest. There was so much he needed to sort out and he didn’t know how to focus. He had so many questions. 

“When?” He finally croaked out.

“When what?”

“When did you remember?” He asked after clearing his throat.

“The morning after I confessed -” Armie started.

“The morning after?” His eyes flew open and he quickly turned around on his heel. “You remembered the morning after and you let me go through hell thinking that -”

“Hey, hey, no!” Armie held up his hands. “That’s not what happened.” There was a wounded look in his eyes. “Do you really think I would do that to you - lie and leave you so confused and upset?”

“No,” he said eventually and rubbed his hands over his face roughly. “I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do that to me. This is so unbelievable and hard to process. I’m a little on edge.”

“I understand. I’m sorry, too. I wish that I had remembered right away, but like I was saying before I was interrupted,” his mouth turned up in a half-grin, “the morning after it happened when I woke up the first thing in my head was this image of your face. You seemed sad and upset and it seemed like I was about to kiss you. I thought it was probably something I was remembering from a dream, but in the dreams I’ve had, you’re not crying when I’m about to kiss you.”

If he wasn’t so flustered, he might have smiled because he knew exactly what he meant. In his dreams, there was no crying involved when they kissed.

“It’s why I kept feeling like I needed to apologize to you. Throughout the day, I kept getting other brief flashes of memory. I saw us lying on the bathroom floor. I saw your face like you were annoyed with me. I saw you holding my hand. It was nothing I could really hold on to and I couldn’t remember anything we said to each other.” He frowned. “After I found out you weren’t feeling well, I didn’t really focus on remembering anything. I was just worried about you and I couldn’t really enjoy myself but the guys did their best to make things better and to cheer me up and, for a brief period, it actually worked.” 

Timmy nodded since that matched up to what Tyler had told him.

“They started to make fun of me for how drunk I got the night of the concert and then Ashton started singing ‘White Wedding’ and suddenly,” he snapped his fingers, “I remembered singing it, too and the memories just snowballed from there much more clearly than before.” He stared down at the floor and grimaced. “Once I remembered, I couldn’t forget a single moment - it just kept replaying over and over in my mind. I couldn't sleep all night and just kept thinking about what I said to you and the look on your face." He scrubbed his hands through his hair and groaned. "I feel like the biggest jerk!” 

“Why?” His brow furrowed.

“Because,” Armie blew out a breath, “you had every right to be upset when you thought I remembered and didn’t say anything. I dropped something so major and fucking confusing on you and then I left you alone to deal with it.”

Looking at his slumped shoulders and wide eyes, he could see that Armie was really upset with himself. His first instinct was to physically reach out to him. Instead, he clasped his hands together tightly.

“You didn’t do it on purpose.” He tried to sound as reassuring as possible. “It’s not your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.” He shook his head slowly.

There was so much regret in his voice and he dreaded his next words because he was certain this was when Armie would take it all back and deny he had feelings for him. He tried to prepare himself and find a way not to crumble on the spot but he knew he was losing his inner war because his vision was starting to blur and his palms were getting sweaty. 

“It’s not a big deal.” He tried to discreetly wipe his eyes. “You didn’t mean any of it, right?”

The silence stretched out for an uncomfortable amount of time and Timmy peeked up at Armie who seemed like he was in his own head right now. He was probably trying to come up with the most sensitive way to respond.

“You said it yourself, you ramble when you’re drunk. You say stupid things.” He was doing his own rambling to fill the stilted air. “Maybe you had some kind of crush on me when we first met, but it wasn’t more than that. You don’t have those feelings anymore. You don’t dream about me.” He swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt like he was drowning and just waiting for Armie to do something - anything - to save him.

Armie cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have said anything, but not because I didn’t mean what I said to you that night. I meant _every word_.” He looked into his eyes so intently Timmy felt like he was being hypnotized. “The first time I saw you it was…” He let out a long sigh with a wistful grin on his face. “...You took my breath away and that never stopped.”

He was the one having trouble breathing now as he looked back at Armie as he watched him intensely with words that dripped with sincerity. 

Despite Armie’s clarification, he still didn’t understand how this was possible. He knew that it shouldn’t have really been that hard for him to grasp. After all, he had hidden his own feelings from Armie even when he would always tell him how easy it was to read his face. It still mystified him how he managed to not have any idea about Armie’s feelings.

“How?” He whispered. When Armie opened his mouth to speak, he shook his head. “I mean, how did you hide this from me for so long?”

“I’m very good at wearing masks.” A rueful smile spread over his face. “I think I came by it naturally from both my mother and my father. You got a sense of how my father was really feeling when the mask slipped from time to time, but he was good at pretending and hiding his emotions. I don’t think it was a trait he wanted to pass down to me, but he did.” He pursed his lips. 

The way his eyes clouded over, he knew he was about to talk about his mother because he only got like that when she was mentioned. 

“With my mom, I had to learn how to hide who I really was because she didn’t want to know and I knew she couldn’t accept me if she did, so to survive I had to become a really good actor.” He swallowed and scuffed his shoe against the floor. “To survive college with you - to not go out of my mind with how much I wanted you - I had to keep it up.”

Even though he knew, and could understand, all the reasons why Armie felt he had to hide his feelings, he felt like screaming that he didn’t have to pretend. He could have told him and then… _God_ , where would they be right now?

“I think it’s a miracle I managed to keep it hidden. Not telling you how I felt is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” He chewed on his bottom lip. “Every time you would laugh that ridiculously goofy, adorable laugh of yours…” He chuckled briefly. “Every time you sat next to me on my bed as we studied whatever and I watched you tuck your hair behind your ear and get this sexy look of concentration on your face...Every time you would smile up at me with your bright and sweetly innocent smile...Every time your finger would so much as graze mine when you handed me a pen…” He let out a long exhale. “It was like the sweetest torture.”

His eyes widened when he said that.

“Especially when I kept seeing you shirtless and in your underwear all the time.” Armie rubbed the back of his neck and the color rose on his cheeks. “Though I have to admit, it wasn’t always accidental when that happened.”

“What?” His mouth dropped open.

“Yeah.” Armie pressed his fingers to his eyes and winced. “Yeah. Freshman year, you had only ten minutes between your last class and work on Tuesdays and Thursdays and you always went home to change so after the first time I walked in on you accidentally, I knew it would be a good time to catch you.” 

Of course, this was a smaller surprise than the other bombs Armie had dropped on him recently but it still knocked the wind out of him. He wanted to see him half-naked that much. It was amazing and flattering. He couldn’t help this giddy bubble of happiness inside thinking about it.

“I’m sorry. I know it was a creepy thing to do,” he started to apologize again.

“It’s okay.” He waved it off. “It was a long time ago and it was harmless. It’s not like you watched me in the shower or something.” He froze. “You didn’t, did you?”

“No.” Armie chuckled. “Not that it didn’t cross my mind, but I managed to control myself enough not to do that. My self-control when it came to you was pretty good, given how often I wanted to kiss you desperately but kept myself from grabbing you and just laying one on you.”

His own immense self-control was on display at that moment as he held back a whimper as he salivated at the thought.

“I was pretty good...most of the time.”

He left the last part of the sentence hanging in the air and Timmy’s curiosity was too great to let it go.

“Most of the time?”

“Yeah.” Armie licked his lips and looked away at the window. “You remember when you walked in on me jerking off?” 

That was probably the dumbest question Armie had ever asked him. The image of him with his thick cock in his hand, writhing on top of his bed would probably be one of the last images that flashed across his mind before he died. 

Timmy just nodded.

“We hadn’t seen each other in almost two days. You were busy with classes, going to work, and studying for a big test in your American Literature class. I came home and I had _just_ missed you when you came home to grab your books for your next class. I could still smell that shampoo you were using that smelled like oranges. In your rush, or more likely just your general nature of being a slob…”

He narrowed his eyes with a slight shake of his head.

“You left your t-shirt on my bed.” Armie hugged his arms across his stomach and there was a wistful expression on his face. “It was your favorite shirt - your black “That’s What She Said” t-shirt. I swear I picked it up just to toss it over on your bed but once I had it in my hand, I couldn’t let it go. I guess I just missed you so much I ended up lifting it up to my nose and inhaled your scent and I was...I got hard so fucking fast!”

How he remained standing, Timmy didn’t know. He wasn’t sure what turned him on more - the images in his head or the breathiness in Armie’s voice. His legs were shaking and he gripped his thighs to try and stop the trembling.

“I couldn’t help unbuttoning my jeans and thrusting my hand inside,” Armie continued. “I knew it might be a bad idea to jerk off in the middle of the day, in the middle of our room, but I thought you’d gone to class. I forgot how forgetful you could be.” He grinned before slowly trailing his teeth over his bottom lip. “The next thing I knew I was on my bed with your shirt pressed to my face. It was like you were there...and then you were there.” He covered his face with his hand. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so mortified or moved so fast in my life to throw your shirt to the side. I was so glad you didn’t see it or I would have never lived down that amount of humiliation.” 

It was really cute and sweet how red his cheeks were along with his sheepish expression. He would have happily focused on how adorable Armie was if he wasn’t still preoccupied with thoughts of Armie masturbating while sniffing his shirt. 

The number of times he’d masturbated to images of Armie - then and even now - was too much to count. Knowing that he had similar thoughts and had acted on them, even getting so turned on just by smelling his shirt, was so mind-blowing. He really needed a second to get his thoughts together.

He turned around and looked out the window.

“Oh, fuck,” Armie groaned. “I’m sorry. I’m making you uncomfortable, aren’t I?”

When Timmy glanced over his shoulder, he saw Armie had his head in his hands. 

“It’s ok. You’re not making me uncomfortable exactly, it’s just…” He sighed and faced him again. “I have to get my mind wrapped around all of this. The way you felt about me...I can’t even believe it.”

“There were times I really thought you knew.” Slowly, he walked by him, his left hand briefly grazing Timmy’s and he felt like he’d been jolted with 100 megawatts of electricity. Armie leaned against the window. “Sometimes you would catch me smiling at you or looking at you in a certain way and I was sure I was busted. A couple of times I came up with an innocent explanation but most of the time you never said anything.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared down at his feet. “I never imagined you could look at me that way.” _The way I wanted you to_ , he didn’t say out loud. Instead, he let out a wry chuckle and gestured to Armie. “I mean, look at you. You’re so fucking gorgeous, it’s almost unreal and I’m -”

“What?” Armie stalked over to him. 

“I don’t compare to you,” he whispered.

“You’re right.” Armie smiled. “Maybe I’m handsome, but Timmy…” he breathed out. “Sometimes I look at you and I feel like I can see this light in your eyes and your smile and it’s so blinding that it almost hurts, but I never want to look away.”

His mouth fell open with no sound. He just gazed into Armie’s eyes as he closed the distance between them. “Wow, that was amazing,” he finally spoke up when he got his vocal cords working properly again.

“Yeah? It wasn’t too cheesy?” Armie smiled shyly.

“It was perfect.” Briefly, he looked down and grinned. “I might have to steal it for a song.”

“It’s yours.” 

“The way you said that, and the way you’re looking at me, you actually make me believe that I am...as beautiful as you say.” He peeked up at him through his lashes.

“I’ll say it every day then. You should feel like that all the time.” Armie reached out and slowly stroked his hand through his hair. 

Timmy closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. He desperately wanted to keep his eyes open because he kept worrying this was a dream and when he opened them it would be back to reality and he wouldn’t have Armie staring at him as if he were the most precious thing in the world. His head dropped to his shoulder. “I really wish you had told me sooner.”

“I know.” 

His hand trailed down from Timmy’s hair to the nape of his neck with his thumb caressing it with slow, soft circles. His toes curled and he gripped Armie’s forearms to steady himself.

“There were so many times I wanted to but I was too scared of how my mother would react. But then my dad died and I…”

“And what?” Timmy picked his head up and eyed him intently. 

“After I got control of my drinking - after _you_ helped me get it under control - I kept thinking about what he told me before he died about choosing happiness, no matter what. Even if it meant losing my mother, I wanted to honor him. I wanted to do what he asked and choose my happiness for a change. I knew I needed to be honest with you and maybe see what could happen.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It was a lot easier said than done. I kept trying to prepare myself to do it and it took days and before I could…”

Before he finished what he was going to say, it dawned on Timmy what had happened and he could feel the color drain from his face. “It was Elizabeth.” He sounded far calmer than he felt. “Wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Armie answered softly. “Even after how I treated her, she came by to see me and she was so understanding and forgiving and she wanted to give us another chance. She said she loved me and…”

“You love her.” He took several steps back and slowly rubbed his hands over his face as things became crystal clear to him. This is how it was always going to be. She was who he wanted. He loved her. He was marrying her.

“I felt like I owed it to her. It felt like the right thing to do. Maybe I was just too scared and…” He fisted a bit of his hair and tugged. He seemed so lost and confused and upset.

It was his first instinct to tell Armie it was okay and make things easier for him, but he couldn’t do it this time. Tears were clouding his vision and this time they weren’t just tears of sadness. The anger he’d felt for so long was starting to bubble up. He was mad at Dru. He was mad at Elizabeth. He was mad at himself. But right now he was mostly mad at Armie.

All he needed to do was tell Timmy the truth and things could have been different. It would have been hard, but they could have gotten through it together. Instead, he chose Elizabeth. At this point, he had the sinking feeling that would always be Armie’s choice.

As he felt the tears begin to spill he looked away and angrily wiped at them.

“I can see that you’re upset,” Armie said in a gentle voice. “Even though you’re not saying anything.” He cautiously stepped forward. “You didn’t say much the night I confessed either, but I could see it then and I see it now. It might have taken me way too long but I can see it in your face that you want me, too.”

“Stop.” Timmy held up his hand and put more distance between them.

“Just tell me. You have feelings for me too, don’t you?” He pleaded with him as he tried to make eye contact. “Please, look at me.”

“No.” He shook his head vigorously. “I’m not doing this. I have a boyfriend. You’re getting married.” Even though he was trying to sound strong, it didn’t work with his voice wavering so damn much.

“You’re not answering me.” When his eyes flicked up toward him, Timmy saw that his jaw was clenched. After the silence stretched out for ages, Armie gripped his hands tightly. “Talk to me!”

Finally, having enough he ripped his hands away. “What’s the fucking point?” He glared at him. “You didn’t talk to me! Whatever you felt for me back then didn’t mean anything. You picked Elizabeth. You proposed to her and never told me _anything_! Now, your wedding is coming up and you’re scared and nervous so you turn to your faithful best man, best friend, your _back-up plan_ and tell me about feelings you had for me and I’m supposed to, what, fall to my knees, fall into your bed?”

In all the time they’d been friends, it was probably the cruelest thing he’d ever said to him. The worst thing was, deep down, he knew it wasn’t true. Actually, the worst thing was the look on Armie’s face right now. It was like he had ripped out his heart.

“I guess I was wrong.” His voice was thick with emotion and he had to clear his throat. “That night I said you had more faith in me than anyone but I guess that’s not true. You thought I would lie to you and tell you I didn’t remember confessing despite how upset I knew it would make you. Now, you’re suggesting I would tell you this because I have fucking cold feet and I just want to use you for a quick fuck?”

With Armie laying it out like that, he felt lower than pond scum but he didn’t know what to say. 

Turning around, Armie walked over to the desk and gripped the back of the chair before he straightened, hitting the chair hard. Timmy flinched when it fell over. 

“Do you not get how precious your friendship is to me? How precious you are to me? I would never…” He swallowed. “I was going to say I would never jeopardize our friendship, but I guess that’s what I’m doing by telling you how I feel. I guess what I mean is I would never use you in any way and certainly not just to scratch some itch I feel or because I’m scared. I thought you knew that.”

“Yes, I know that.” Tears were running down his face now and he didn’t have the energy to wipe them away. “This is all just so confusing.”

“I know it is. I’m confused, too and I’m sorry.” He inhaled deeply and exhaled a shaky breath. “But let me be really clear about something. You keep talking about my feelings for you in the past tense like they went away. They didn’t. My feelings for you are very real - right now - and they’re not going away. I’ve tried ignoring them and it hasn’t worked.” He clasped his hands together and walked over to him until they were standing so close, Timmy could feel his breath on his face. “I’m asking you to tell me how you feel. Tell me what you want.”

Being so close to Armie, looking into his eyes and seeing the pain and desperation was almost too much to bear but he didn’t look away. Inside, everything was screaming at him to just throw his arms around him and tell him how much he adored him and how lucky he would feel if Armie chose him, but he couldn’t do it. He was petrified of what would happen if he admitted aloud how he felt and Armie eventually chose Elizabeth anyway, yet again. His heart would be shattered and he’s not sure how much time it would take to fix it - if he ever could.

Also, he knew himself enough that if Armie didn’t make this choice on his own, he would always wonder if being with him was what he truly wanted. He couldn’t tell him what to do, or do what he always did, and make this easy for him. 

What he truly wanted was for Armie to fight for them the way he never had before.

“This isn’t about what I want. It’s about what you want. I can’t make that decision for you.”

“I’m not asking you to. I just want you to tell me you’re feeling what I am, that I’m not alone in this,” Armie begged.

He wrapped his arms around his stomach and bit his lip so hard to keep from sobbing. He had to take a few deep breaths before he could speak again. “I don’t know why it matters what I feel.” He held up his hand before Armie could interrupt. “I know you’ll say that ‘of course my feelings matter’ and ordinarily I would think that’s really sweet, but it doesn’t help right now because nothing I say is going to change anything.”

When he finally glanced up at Armie, he expected him to challenge him on that, but he didn’t. He was just staring at Timmy tearfully, waiting for him to finish.

“If I say I have feelings for you, what are you going to do?” He sniffled. “Are you going to break Elizabeth’s heart? Is that what you want to do?”

“Of course, I don’t want to do that,” he said as a tear fell down the side of his face.

“Because you love her?” His bottom lip trembled. “Right, you love her?”

“Yes,” he said simply, without stressing the word and just sounding wrung out.

“You’re going to marry her.” It wasn’t a question.

“I don’t know.” Armie shut his eyes tightly and shook his head. 

“Yes, you do. You just don’t want to say it out loud.” He almost reached out and touched Armie’s hands but he restrained himself. “Just say it.”

Even as he held his breath and waited for Armie to say what he knew he would, he kept hoping against hope that he would prove him wrong and ignore what he said. 

_Fight for me, Armie, please._

“What will you do if I get married?” Armie took a step back and chewed on his bottom lip. “Will you still come to the wedding?”

It took him a few moments to figure out how to breathe again. “I don’t know.”

“Will we -” Armie’s voice cracked and he swallowed several times. “Will we still be friends?”

Timmy didn’t answer and watched Armie’s tears start to pool on top of his sneakers. They were both shaking and Timmy had to squeeze his arms to stop. 

Losing a potential relationship with Armie was devastating but losing his friendship would be something else altogether. He couldn’t imagine ending their friendship over this, especially since he’d been dealing with these feelings as long as he’d known him and had managed to stay friends with him. 

His feelings were too raw right now though to make outright promises.

“I hope so.” He finally lifted his head to stare up at him but avoided looking into his eyes.

“Okay. I guess that’s the best answer I can hope for right now.” Armie nodded as he wiped at his face. “I should probably go.”

He didn’t respond and Armie didn’t make a move to leave.

“I…” Armie opened his mouth to speak but soon clamped it shut before he turned on his heel, grabbed his duffel bag off the bed, and walked shakily to the door. He opened it and left without another glance at Timmy.

As soon as Armie was gone, he felt a loss so profound he almost collapsed. Once he got his bearings, it fully hit him how wrong this was and he knew he couldn’t leave things this way. Armie deserved to know that he loved him. How could he make a decision without knowing that? 

He sprinted toward the door and when he got there he gripped the handle tightly and pressed his forehead against it. 

Fear kept him rooted there until he found strength he didn’t know he still had to step out into the hall. When he looked to his right, he just saw the bottom half of Armie’s leg before he fully stepped inside the elevator.

_Call to him_

_It’s not too late_

It seemed he’d used up all of his strength opening the door and he just stood there paralyzed, not saying anything. He heard the elevator close and remained in that spot for what felt like hours. Finally, he staggered back inside and as soon as he closed the door, he sat down in front of it. Gathering his legs up to his chest, he put his head on his knees and cried his heart out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is the last chapter that ends with Timmy in tears.
> 
> @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr. Let me know what you think!


	9. The Brave One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timmy deals with the fallout from the revelations after his eye-opening weekend in Vegas. It causes tension in his relationship with Lucas, which reaches a breaking point. Unable to let go, he turns to Will to give him a much-needed reality check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for the long delay. Never meant it to go on this long. Unfortunately, the year went downhill really fast with so many horrible things at once. I also had some difficulty with this chapter and some writer's block.
> 
> Luckily, my writer's block is gone. Today was my birthday, and as a present to myself, I was determined to get this chapter cleaned up and finally posted. Yay, mission accomplished! 😁😁

When he’d left for Vegas, Timmy’s feelings for Armie were still there - as they always had been - but they were buried well enough. It truly felt like he’d moved on with his life. While he was absolutely excited and anxious to see his best friend, his only goal was to show him a good time and make him happy.

It was mostly going so well at first, and then… _God_ , things got so screwed up, and he was returning to New York feeling like a total failure. Everything had been turned on its head. His feelings for Armie were the opposite of buried and stronger than ever. Even though he’d never entertained the thought they had a real shot to be together, it seemed like there wasn’t even a slight glimmer of a chance now.

Instead of making Armie happy, he’d devastated him. The last time he saw him, he walked away in tears. Their relationship might never be the same - that last thought gutted him and he was barely able to function, in zombie mode from the time he finally left Armie’s hotel room to walking back into his apartment. A nuclear bomb could have gone off around him and he didn’t think he’d have noticed. 

The one thing he was immensely grateful for was that Lucas still had another day with his family because he really couldn’t imagine facing him right now.

Sleep was not in the cards for him that night. He kept beating himself up for his last conversation with Armie. He kept thinking there had to be ways he could have handled it better. Why couldn’t he just have told him how he really felt? Why couldn’t either of them have admitted their feelings? If they had, things would be so different. 

When the thought occurred to him that instead of Armie marrying Elizabeth - it could be their wedding day - he almost threw up. 

Occasionally, he would check his phone and wondered if Armie would reach out to him. He didn’t know how he’d respond - if he would respond at all. Still, he held his breath every time he checked, only to be bitterly disappointed when there was nothing from Armie.

The only people he got messages from were Lucas, Will, and his sister. Pauline texted to ask him how things had gone over the weekend. Lucas asked how he was and reminded Timmy to pick him up at the airport the next day. Will texted him three times to ask how he was and asked him to call. 

They weren’t sitting next to each other on their flight to New York, and he had given Will the slip once they’d landed. He texted him back to let him know he was dealing with a lot, but survived, and would talk to him later.

The next day, he tried to go about his normal routine, but due to emotional and physical exhaustion, he could barely move. The only thing he managed to do was play the piano for an hour. Playing always relaxed him, and he was able to fall asleep after.

Unfortunately, he was a little too relaxed and overslept, flaking on picking Lucas up at the airport. He woke up to several increasingly irate messages from Lucas. When he called to apologize, Lucas didn’t pick up. He showed up half an hour later at Timmy’s apartment.

After yelling at him for being so forgetful, he was more patient and understanding when Timmy explained how tired he was and how he hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night. When Lucas pressed him on why he simply said he got in a fight with Armie about the wedding. He felt horribly guilty when Lucas hugged him after that admission.

To make it up to Lucas, he made him his favorite - chicken enchiladas - and they watched two of Lucas’ favorite movies. Things were going well, but it got awkward when Lucas put his arm around him to cuddle, and he visibly stiffened. After that, he slowly withdrew his arm and kept his arms in his lap. He looked like such a kicked puppy. 

He tried to show Lucas some affection by putting his head on his shoulder, but he wasn’t sure it really placated him, and Timmy didn’t feel at ease the whole night. 

Despite the awkwardness of the evening - maybe because of it - Lucas asked if he could stay the night. It was on the tip of his tongue to say no, but he was sure that would complicate things even more, so he said it was okay. 

As he feared, he just couldn’t relax, and when Lucas put his arm around him in bed, the same thing happened as before - he tensed up, though he thought he hid it better since his back was turned to him.

It took him a while to fall asleep, but when he finally did, the dream he had was the same one Armie had described having the first day they met. They were sitting on a white couch with Timmy’s head in Armie’s lap. Armie’s hand softly trailed through his hair as he read to him from a blue book in his hand. Though his lips were moving, there was no sound. Every time he looked down at him, the love and happiness shining in his eyes made Timmy’s heart dance in his chest.

When he woke up, he had the biggest smile on his face. He caressed the arms around his waist and turned his head to see a grinning Lucas. It was like being doused with freezing water while being slapped in the face. He quickly turned his head, so Lucas didn’t see his face crumple as he opened his mouth with a silent sob.

The next night, he had the same exact dream. Thankfully, this time he didn’t wake up next to Lucas. Earlier, Lucas had mercifully gone back to his apartment to unpack and make some calls. They were supposed to have dinner that night.

Though he tried to settle down and get through the night as if things were normal, he couldn’t quite manage it. When Lucas tried to kiss him on the mouth, he avoided it by kissing him on the cheek. In one extremely awkward moment, he moved out of the way and Lucas almost face-planted against the refrigerator. 

It was a cringeworthy moment that was made worse because it made Timmy think about their first kiss and how dramatically different things were between them now. The whole thing made him want to bang his own head against the refrigerator - repeatedly. He was treating Lucas like some contaminated stranger, and it was incredibly unfair. 

Finally, he came up with an excuse that he was sick and he didn’t want to infect him. It didn’t seem like Lucas bought it, but it did seem to put him more at ease.

Things worked a little better when he initiated the touching, so he offered to give Lucas a foot massage. They sat on his black leather couch, and he started to work his magic with Lucas smiling and whimpering instantly. He started to tell Timmy about some song ideas he’d come up with.

He tried to focus, but his mind drifted as he started to think of Armie’s own magic fingers. When he was stressed over an upcoming test or got a bad grade or came back from a bad date, Armie would sometimes give him amazing massages. It was absolute heaven. Just thinking about those moments, he became aroused. 

Remembering the feel of Armie’s strong but amazingly soft and gentle hands. The sexy way Armie bit his lip as he dug in to soothe Timmy’s aching muscles. How if he was massaging his neck, he would get so close and the combination of his hands on his body, his breath against his neck, the warmth of his body against his back could get Timmy into trouble. He had to have intense concentration not to get a boner, and when that mission wasn’t a success, he tried desperately not to come in his pants. 

It was the same struggle he was experiencing right now.

The only thing that brought him out of his trance was when he heard his front door slam. He looked down and realized Lucas’s feet weren’t in his lap. In fact, he was gone completely.

To his immense shame, he realized Lucas must have noticed he wasn’t listening to him, tried to get his attention, and when that didn’t work, he stormed out. This was the type of asshole behavior he wouldn’t tolerate from someone else and he was horrified that he was treating his boyfriend this way. 

As soon as he came to his senses, he called him, though it went straight to voicemail. There wasn’t much he could do but apologize profusely and beg for his forgiveness.

Realizing he needed to take the first step to truly move forward, he decided he couldn’t go to the wedding. At first, he tried to convince himself that going might give him some closure, but once he really thought about it realistically, he knew there was no way he was going to get any closure that way. It would just send him into further depression.

Now he just had to deliver the news. He considered texting Nick or Tyler, but he thought that was too cowardly. Telling Liz was out of the question. Not only was he in love with her fiancé but she was already pissed when he told her he wasn’t arriving in California until Thursday, he could only imagine how nuclear she’d go with him bailing altogether - and at the last minute. 

That left Armie.

If he was being honest, he just wanted to make contact with him. He knew that the main reason he was so out of sorts was how much he missed Armie. It felt like he was walking around with something vital missing, and he ached for him - that ache was swallowing him whole. 

Despite how much he missed him, he wasn’t prepared enough to hear his voice, so he texted instead.

“Gave it a lot of thought, and I don’t think going to the wedding is for the best - for any of us. I really was honored to be your best man.”

After typing that out, he had to suck in a deep breath to keep from crying.

“Be happy,” he finished the text. His finger hovered above the send button for ages before his shaky fingers finally pressed the arrow button.

Immediately, he tossed his phone to the side and tried not to get preoccupied with anticipating Armie’s response. He showered, combed his hair, got himself breakfast. His phone was never far from him or from his mind. He tried to distract himself with Netflix, but he just searched for something aimlessly.

Finally, he got a response from Armie about an hour later. Timmy had been loading his dishwasher, and he slowly straightened up and stared at his phone, vibrating against the countertop. He approached it like it was an explosive device. Without looking at the message, he picked up his phone and slowly walked over to the couch. 

When he sunk down, he let his phone sit face down against his right thigh. After a couple of minutes, he finally picked it up and glanced down. He stared at the screen until his vision started to blur. 

“I respect your decision.”

He was still trying to process his initial reaction when he yelped and almost dropped his phone when he saw the three tell-tale bubbles indicating Armie was typing something. He stared at those bubbles unblinking. Then they were just gone. All that was left were those four words.

“I respect your decision.”

It was so business-like and impersonal. It wasn’t like them at all. But should he have expected anything different? Their relationship wasn’t the same anymore. They probably would never be as close. What would probably happen is their texts and communications would slowly peter out until they were the type of friends who said “Happy birthday” on Facebook and nothing more.

He squeezed his phone in his hands and sputtered in anger and sadness before he collapsed against the couch in tears.

When he finally got up, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Slowly, he wiped away his tears. He was so tired of this. He didn’t want to cry anymore. All he wanted right now was to forget everything.

At first, he thought about drinking himself into oblivion but he knew from watching Armie in college, and this weekend, it wouldn’t help. All of his problems would still be waiting for him once he sobered up.

His phone beeped and like an unrelenting masochist, he immediately reached for it, wondering if Armie came to his senses and wasn’t just going to leave him with that short text message. Instead, he was met with bitter disappointment when it turned out to be a text from Lucas. His disappointment morphed into dread when he read the short message. 

“We need to talk.”

It was like he and Armie had entered a contest - “How to Destroy Timmy in Four Words or Less.”

Wiping away his remaining tears, he bolted up. This was not happening. He lost Armie and would be damned if he lost Lucas as well. After throwing on some ratty sneakers, barely bothering to tie them, he grabbed his wallet and keys and stormed out of his apartment with one goal in mind but very little planning or thinking.

When he got to Lucas’s place, he pounded on the door with far too much force. Since he didn’t respond right away - right away, meaning after ten seconds - he was about to knock again when Lucas ripped open the door.

“What…” As his gaze focused on Timmy, his expression went from annoyance to confusion right back to annoyance. “I know I said we needed to talk, but you don’t need to break my door down.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say he was sorry before he decided to apologize in a very different way. So, he grabbed both sides of his face and planted a fierce and long kiss on him.

After he pulled back, Lucas slowly opened his eyes and looked almost cross-eyed.

It made him smile.

Lucas cleared his throat. “That was really nice, but we-”

Timmy cut him off with another passionate kiss.

At first, Lucas still seemed resistant. His body remained rigid, and his lips barely moved. It started to occur to him that maybe this wasn’t the best idea when Lucas put his arms around him and carded his hand through his hair, and deepened the kiss.

From there, the kiss grew more heated, and they stumbled inside with Timmy quickly shutting the door with his foot. Lucas’s hands were everywhere as Timmy’s remained caressing his face. They ended up on the couch in the living room with him seated in Lucas’s lap.

As they sat, their kisses became slower and more tender. With things going from zero to sixty before, he just turned off his brain and went with it. Now that they were pacing themselves, the feeling of wrongness from the other day came back.

No matter how into it he tried to appear and tried to be, it still felt like he was doing something wrong - or rather that he was kissing the wrong person.

Shoving those thoughts aside, he tried to do whatever it took to get into this. He ground down on top of Lucas. Clearly, Lucas was not having trouble getting into this and was hard already.

Directing things, he placed Lucas’s hands on his ass and threw his head back. Lucas took the hint and started sucking a spot on his neck that usually did the trick and would have him quivering in seconds. No luck this time. Lucas sucked on it for a few minutes, but still, nothing was happening.

When Lucas unbuttoned his jeans and started to slide his hand inside, he had the urge to stop him but didn’t try to. Despite Lucas rubbing him with increasing pressure, it didn’t help. Actually, he became even less aroused - if that was possible. 

The thought occurred to him that maybe he should try and picture something that turned him on. The most obvious choice was Armie.

He’d never pictured Armie’s face when he was intimate with Lucas before but desperate times…

When he realized what he was about to do, the wrongness of it punched him in the gut. If the only way he could enjoy sex with his boyfriend was picturing Armie’s face, that seemed like the answer to a question he didn’t want to ask.

The awful truth was he didn’t practically mount Lucas on sight because he was overcome with lust and wanted him desperately. He was using him as an Armie substitute. 

As soon as he understood that, he felt sick to his stomach and started to sob uncontrollably. He slid off Lucas and covered his face with his hands.

“Timmy?” Lucas sounded so worried and ran his hand through his hair. “What is going on?” He retracted his hand and sighed.

He couldn’t stop crying enough to provide an answer. 

“You’ve been off since Vegas. You’ve been acting so guilty. I know something happened.” Lucas closed his eyes. “Did-did you cheat on me?”

Honestly, if he had just slept with someone else, it would have been less complicated and not much worse than what actually happened. 

“No. Not really.” His voice was barely audible as he shook his head. He knew that sounded unnecessarily cryptic, but it was closer to the truth than a flat “no.”

“Not really?” Lucas tugged at his hair. “What the fuck does that even mean? Is this…” He swallowed. “...About Armie?”

For a split second, he was surprised that Lucas jumped to that conclusion but given his previous attitude about Armie, it shouldn’t surprise him that his mind went there. 

Tears were still blurring his vision, but he calmed down enough to turn to Lucas.

From the deep frown forming on Lucas’s face, Timmy could tell he could clearly read his sad, remorseful expression and what it meant. “It is. It finally hit you that this is really happening - he’s getting married, and you can’t stand it because...because you’re in love with him?”

He wasn’t going to dishonor everything they’d meant to each other by lying, so he took a deep breath and let it out. “Yes.”

There was no going back after that confession. His answer hung in the air, and both could barely breathe. Though there was much to say, neither was prepared to say it. He soon left a devastated Lucas on the couch and slunk out of the apartment.

On the way home, his tears seemed to dry up, and he just felt numb. When he got to his apartment, after days of radio silence, he texted Will that he needed to talk. Unfortunately, Will was working and told him to stop by the next day. 

Sleep alluded him that night. All he did was toss and turn, beat up his pillow, and stare up at the ceiling. His brain would not turn off enough to give him a moment’s peace. He was haunted by the look on Lucas’s face when he admitted he was in love with Armie. His last conversation with Armie didn’t leave his thoughts, either.

The only advantage of barely sleeping was he was up ridiculously early. Since Will was actually a morning person, he didn’t feel bad about going over there at the crack of dawn.

As soon as a dressed and alert Will opened his door, he strode right in, amped up on too much coffee.

“Am I the biggest asshole on the planet?” He asked before Will even shut the door. 

Will closed it and followed him. He cocked his head to the side. “I wouldn’t say the biggest on the entire planet. We don’t know how many walks of life exist. There might be some huge alien assholes out there.”

Instead of laughing, involuntarily his face crumpled, and he bit his lip so hard he was amazed it didn’t split it in two.

“Oh, shit! I’m sorry.” Will winced. “You’re not an asshole...most of the time.”

This time, Timmy did burst out laughing.

“Look, you don’t have to apologize,” he replied after his laughter subsided and he wiped his eyes. “I actually really need your honesty right now.”

Will nodded.

As they moved toward Will’s living room, Timmy almost bumped into his kitchen table, which was somewhat ironic given how sparsely decorated Will’s place was. It was a large apartment (thanks to his actor’s salary) but Will didn’t care much about decorating. He had one purple rug in the living room with a thin coffee table, one black couch, a curved black chair, and one lamp. It looked more like a therapist’s office. 

His only splurge item was a large photo on the wall of the night sky above New York.

They sat down on the couch, and Timmy took a deep breath before he started talking. “I just feel like I must be this huge asshole, and karma must be paying me back right now because I feel lower and more alone than I ever have in my life.” He hung his head.

“What happened?” Will rubbed his back. 

“I finally told Lucas I’m in love with Armie.” After waiting for a beat, he glanced up at Will, whose eyes were as wide as saucers.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I’ve been such a monumental asshole to him since we both got home. I’ve been distant - I mean, literally, physically distant. Every time he tried to touch me, I recoiled like he was some kind of leper.”

Will scrunched up his face.

“He got fed up one night when I completely checked out and stormed out of my apartment. Then I got upset because I finally texted Armie and told him I couldn’t come to the wedding, and he texted me back, ‘I respect your decision.’ Like what the fuck is that?” 

Without thinking, he kicked at the silver leg of the coffee table. He grimaced in pain.

“Sorry.” He didn’t know why he directed that more at the table than at Will. When he looked over at him, Will had a slight grin on his face and just shook his head.

Timmy slowly ran his hand through his hair. “It felt like my friendship with Armie was over, and I couldn’t handle that and losing Lucas at the same time, so I went over to his place, and I threw myself at him, but it wasn’t really working. I wasn’t getting into it and, at one point, I actually considered picturing that I was with Armie.” He threw his head back and groaned. “I was being so unfair, and when Lucas asked me if I was in love with Armie, I had to tell him the truth.” He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh.

“Wow.” Will almost sounded at a loss for words. “I’m sorry, man, that sounds rough. It sucks it had to end that way.”

“It’s not exactly over.” Timmy opened his eyes and chewed on his bottom lip. 

“What?” Will’s eyebrows shot up. “You didn’t break up?”

“No.” He sat up. “It was just so awkward, and I don’t think either of us knew what to say, so I just left.”

“Okay,” Will drew out the word slowly. “You are going to break up with him, though, right?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, still feeling so helpless.

“How can you possibly be considering staying in a relationship with him?” He asked in a strident voice.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he glared at Will, taken aback by his tone. “You sound pretty eager for me to end things with him. I thought you liked Lucas?”

“Of course I do,” Will said without any hesitation. “He’s an amazingly sweet and funny person, and I totally get why you are reluctant to let him go, but...you have to. You said it yourself you’re being unfair.”

Even though he knew he had a point, Timmy couldn’t help feeling defensive. “I’m not trying to be unfair. I can’t just...It’s not-” He let out a frustrated groan. “You’re right. Lucas is a wonderful man. I never thought I’d meet anyone who could make me forget my feelings for Armie for even a second but being with him has been one of the best experiences of my life. Having him look at me the way that he does. The way that he trusts me and loves me. We’ve shared a lot together. Maybe I don’t love him the way I love Armie, but I do love him. How can I just toss him aside? He doesn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“What he deserves is for you to treat him with respect and be honest with him.” Will looked him in the eye. “Do you think Lucas wants to be kept in the dark like this or to be someone’s consolation prize?”

His shoulders slumped, and he stared down at the floor.

Will put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. “You’re a good person, Timmy, and I know you don’t want to hurt anyone, but I think it’s for the best. Yeah, Lucas will hurt - maybe for a while - but he will get over it. Elizabeth will, too.”

After chewing on his bottom lip for another minute, he let out a long sigh and stood up. “You’re right. He deserves better from me. As far as Elizabeth is concerned, she’ll be alright. Armie wants to be with her.”

“Are you basing that off of Armie being engaged to her -”

Timmy snorted. “They’re not just engaged, Will. They’re getting married _tomorrow_! I think that’s a pretty clear sign he’s made his choice.”

“Did he even know he had a choice to make?” 

“It’s...a little complicated.” He could barely look at him as he answered.

“Alright, what happened?” Will lightly slapped his arm. “Did you talk to Armie at all?”

While he didn’t relish reliving his last few painful moments with Armie, it really was time to fill in Will on everything that happened. One of the reasons he was so desperate to talk to him was that he wanted Will’s advice. He couldn’t very well advise him without knowing the pertinent details.

“I did talk to him.” He scuffed his shoe against the floor. “The day we left Las Vegas, I went to talk to him, and before I could really say anything, he told me that he remembered his confession to me.”

Will’s mouth dropped open, and he blinked at him slowly. After a few seconds, he wiped a hand down his face. “Seriously, dude, why didn’t you lead with that information?”

“Sorry.” He shrugged and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. “My brain completely short-circuited when he told me.”

“I’ll bet.”

“It was like the night of the concert - except he was sober.” He blew out a breath. “He was so sincere, and he told me everything he told me that night was true. He’s had feelings for me ever since we met. He said he even thought about telling me once, except he changed his mind because of Elizabeth. Because he loved her. He loves her. That’s his choice.”

“Is that what he said?” Will crossed his arms over his chest.

Walking over to the window, he watched the cars below. It was still early, but the traffic was already bumper to bumper. “Armie asked me -” Timmy cut himself off and squeezed his eyes shut. “He _begged_ me to tell him if I had feelings for him - to tell him what I wanted. I couldn’t do it.” _I wouldn’t do it._ He turned back around, suddenly flooded with feelings of shame. “I told him he was going to marry her, and he didn’t deny it. Soon after that, he left.”

Will stared up at the ceiling and didn’t say a word for a long period. He shook his head before finally responding. “Timmy, I swear I love you like a brother, but I am seriously considering strangling you, right now.”

He glared at him. “That’s great. That’s really helpful.” He rolled his eyes. “Now is really not the time to make jokes.”

“Who says I’m joking?” Will finally looked at him again with an expression as if he just smelled something foul.

“What exactly do you think I should have done?” He spits out in annoyance with his arms held out. “I didn’t want to make Armie’s choice for him.”

“Telling him how you feel and what you want does not mean you were making his choice for him.” 

“Why is this all on me?” He narrowed his eyes. “Armie didn’t even tell me he loved me, just that he had feelings for me, but I’m supposed to open up a vein and confess everything to him even though I knew what the outcome would be? Armie had feelings for me for years and didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t have even found out about how he felt if he didn’t get drunk and it accidentally came out. When I told him he was going to marry Liz, he could have said no, but he made the choice not to fight me.” His voice sounded shrill and whiny to his own ears, and he hated it. “Is it so wrong to want him to tell me he loves me? To fight for me, for once?” He had to purse his lips as he struggled to hold back tears.

Sympathy was etched all over his face as Will began to walk toward him. “Of course, it’s not wrong but, Timmy how is Armie supposed to fight for you when you refuse to tell him how you feel?”

Running both hands through his hair, he tugged hard at the ends and looked away. This is what he came to Will for - honesty, no matter how much it hurt.

“And don’t get mad, but you asked why is it all on you.” He paused and waited for Timmy to face him again. “Why is it all on Armie?”

“What are you talking about?” His brow furrowed.

“You’re right. Armie had feelings for you for years and never said anything - but he thought about it. Despite everything he had to lose, he was going to say something before he changed his mind. Yeah, he only confessed in Vegas because he was drunk, but that’s a lot more than you’ve ever done.” It was harsh but said without malice. “You’ve had feelings for Armie for years, and you’ve never said anything. I don’t think you’ve ever even come close to telling him. When he confessed in Vegas, he forgot. He could have just left it at that, but when he remembered the first thing he did was be upfront with you. He _begged_ you to be honest with him, but you didn’t and basically told him to get married.”

As he talked, Timmy slowly backed away as if he could run away from Will’s words and the truth in them.

Will wouldn’t let him get away and followed him. He gently held one of his hands. “I guess what I’m getting at is...when are you going to fight for the man you love?”

The weight of those words crushed him, and he gaped up at Will. 

He was fucking right. 

After so many years of being without Armie, it never really occurred to him that the pain would ever go away. It just didn’t seem possible. Even when Armie was standing in front of him throwing him a lifeline, he just...couldn’t see it - too focused on his anger and fears.

“Oh...fuck!” He pressed his face in his hands. 

All he had wanted was Armie to fight for him, but that’s what he had done - in his own way. Armie had poured out his heart to him. The only thing he really needed was for Timmy to meet him halfway.

Finally looking up, his voice trembled as he spoke. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

To his credit, Will didn’t say anything. He just wrapped his arms around him in a long and tight embrace. When he pulled back, he gave Timmy a small grin. “You had your reasons.”

“Because I’m a fucking coward.” He let out a shaky breath. Will opened his mouth, probably to contradict him, but he cut him off. “It’s like no matter how much I love Armie, the only thing my brain can focus on right now is everything that fucking terrifies me. It’s not just the idea of Armie picking her, but why he might. What if he picks her just because he’s scared to come out and really confront his mother? How could he live like that for the rest of his life? How could I? Or what if...what if I’m really kidding myself and he doesn’t love me at all? And then -” He stopped abruptly.

“What is it?” Will touched his arm.

Timmy sat against his windowsill. “Man, this is going to sound really stupid but last night as I was thinking of all of these worst-case scenarios for one moment I allowed myself to be happy and imagine what it would be like if he did say he wanted to be with me, but then almost immediately, I thought okay what if he does - then what?” He whispered. “I’ve been dreaming about this for so long, but what if reality doesn’t match up to the dream? What if we don’t work out? What if we end up hating each other” He covered his eyes with one hand and hung his head. His guts churned, and once again, he felt on the verge of collapse. “It’s like no matter what, I feel like I’m going to lose him.”

“Okay, just take a second. Breathe slowly.” Will sat next to him and put his hand on his back. 

He didn’t even realize he was starting to hyperventilate until Will said anything. Not knowing what else to do, he put his head between his knees and breathed in and out for a couple of minutes until he started to feel calmer and gradually sat back up.

“Look, I can’t guarantee anything,” Will started when he finally glanced over at him. “There’s a slight possibility Armie won’t choose you, but if he doesn’t, he’s the stupidest fucker on this planet or any other planet.”

Despite everything that caused him to let out a slight chuckle.

“But I truly don’t think you have to worry about that. In fact, you want to know how confident I am about that?”

He just raised his eyebrows at him expectantly.

“I’m so confident about it that if we were still in Vegas, I would bet good money on things working out, and you know how much I think gambling is a stupid, pointless waste of time.” Will grinned. 

It was true. While they were in Vegas, Will never gambled and even joked with Timmy on the plane ride to Vegas that if he caught him gambling, that was a sign that he was falling down drunk and to get him out of there. 

“But I’d bet on the two of you,” Will finished.

“Wow.” He smiled. It was sweet how much faith he had in the two of them. He bit his lip and sighed. “I wish I had your confidence.”

“I know. I think you just need to try and get out of this negative headspace, man.” Will clapped him on the shoulder. “I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve gotta try.”

“How do you suggest I do that?” 

“I don’t know.” Will rubbed at his forehead. “Maybe you should try closing your eyes and trying to think of something positive, something that you can hold on to instead of all of your negative thoughts.”

“Something I can hold on to,” Timmy repeated. He wasn’t sure it would work, but at this point, he would try anything to get away from this incessant anxiety. 

When he tried to think of something positive that would make him happy, the first image that automatically came to him was of Armie’s face. Unfortunately, instead of picturing Armie’s beautiful, smiling visage, all he could see was the expression on his face the last time he saw him. His features contorted in pain. He heard the anguish in his voice when he asked if they would still be friends. He had felt his pain so acutely at that moment.

Just the thought of losing Armie filled him with so much pain it was almost enough to bring him to his knees. Armie was the most important person in his life. His life would be so much darker without Armie’s goofy laugh and his weird sense of humor. 

He started to picture the numerous times Armie had made him laugh, including the time during senior year when Timmy was a nervous wreck after he’d submitted one of his songs for the first time to an agent and was waiting for a response back. 

As he alternated between bouncing off the walls and biting his nails down until there was nothing left to chew, Armie decided to distract him by doing his impersonation of Ace Ventura. He made Timmy laugh so hard juice actually came out of his nose.

After he was rejected by the agent, Armie called the guy every name in the book, and half-jokingly offered to beat him up. He helped him drown his sorrows in tons of ice cream and crappy movies. Ultimately, he held him all night when Timmy finally broke down in tears.

Physically, Armie was larger than life and could seem so intimidating at first glance, but his physical stature was completely dwarfed by how massive his heart was. How could Timmy get by without Armie’s innate kindness in his life?

The way Armie took care of him after he was rejected by the talent agent was not the first time or the last Armie had been his rock. Senior year had not been the greatest year for Timmy. Much worse than getting rejected by the talent agent, that same year his maternal grandfather Thomas was hospitalized after having a heart attack. His mother Nicole refused to leave the hospital, and neither did her sister Paulette. Their family stayed with them, including Timmy. 

Even though mid-terms were coming up, Armie spent all of his time with him and his family. Nicole insisted on the boys not sleeping at the hospital and going back to her house. Every day they stayed there, Armie made him breakfast. While that was sweet, what really blew him away was that Armie made his family breakfast and lunch. 

To help keep everyone’s spirits up and distract them, Armie asked for stories about Thomas, which got everyone going, and they would end up laughing and sharing stories for hours. 

On top of that, he made sure to help Timmy study for his mid-terms. He’s not sure when he found the time to study for his own, though he must have since he passed all of them. He tried to thank him for everything he did for him and his family, but Armie wouldn’t let him and pretended like it wasn’t a big deal like he was simply repaying Timmy for what he did for him after his father died, but he knew it was much more than that. It was just who Armie was to go above and beyond for those he loved. 

If at all possible, it made Timmy love him even more. 

Thinking about that time, it was one of about a million different ways that Armie showed him he loved him. Maybe he never really said the words out loud, but those moments did count for something. 

Was that really true, though? Had Armie really never said he loved him before? 

Sure, he’d said those words to him before, but the few times he did, there was usually a painfully clear tone of “I love you, bro” in it. Except for this one time…

The memory was a bit hazy since he had been a little drunk at the time. Even though it started with a moment he wasn’t particularly proud of - he was supposed to help Armie and instead got drunk - he thought about it from time to time because of how the night ended.

It was about a month or so after Armie’s father died. Armie had actually been pretty good and had not been drinking much during the week but seemed to be trying to play catch-up as soon as the weekend started. On Friday night, he called Timmy from a bar and asked him to come and get him. He had come over right away and had expected to leave as soon as he got there instead Armie had asked him to have a drink with him. 

At first, he refused since he thought he was there to be a designated driver, but it was hard for him to commit to the word “no” when it came to Armie, and he relented. Before he’d even finished nodding, there was a beer in front of him. He’d only intended on taking a few sips, but Armie distracted him by talking about something silly - he can’t quite remember what it was - the next thing he knew he had drunk four beers, and being a ridiculous lightweight, he was drunk. 

After two additional shots, Armie ended up carrying him out of the bar instead of the other way around. They took a cab home.

By the time they got to their room, he was ready to puke. As soon as they stepped inside, he managed to find the nearest wastebasket and threw up. He was so drained after that he climbed onto the first bed he saw, which was Armie’s. 

“This smells like you.” He rubbed his face against the pillow and inhaled with a large smile on his face. “Why does my pillow smell like you?”

“It’s not your pillow, genius,” Armie said while taking off Timmy’s shoes. He looked down at him with a fond expression. “You’re in my bed.”

“Your bed? What about my bed?” He tried to get up but couldn’t really pick up his head. “You should take me to bed.”

Thinking back on it, he doesn’t believe he was trying to come on to him or tease him in any way but he knows if he hadn’t been drunk, something like that probably wouldn’t have come out of his mouth.

There was silence for a second, and the only sound was Armie’s audible gulp before his gaze drifted over Timmy’s body. “Lift up your arms.”

He said it so low, Timmy was sure he imagined it until Armie glanced up at his face and raised his eyebrow. His brain was already barely working because of the alcohol, so he couldn’t form words and did as he was told. 

As Armie reached over and grasped the bottom of his black t-shirt, Timmy held his breath. By the time he’d slowly peeled it all the way off and tossed it over his shoulder, he was barely breathing or moving. 

A slow smile spread over Armie’s face as he had to move Timmy’s arms back down to his sides. His fingers lightly skimmed the bare skin on his stomach, and Timmy shivered.

“You had puke on your shirt,” Armie nodded his head toward the discarded garment. “I didn’t think you wanted to sleep with a puke-covered shirt.”

The explanation was barely sinking in when Armie jumped over him and laid down. He had far more energy than someone who should be as wasted as Timmy was, though Armie was a more hyper drunk than him.

“It looks like you’re feeling better than I am.” He turned his head toward him. “Am I really that big of a lightweight?”

“You are.” Armie chuckled. “It probably helps that I’m not that drunk.” He turned his head, and he and Timmy were practically nose to nose. Armie stared at him for a moment before he looked down at the sheets underneath them. “I didn’t call you because I was so drunk I couldn’t find my own way home. I just…” He chewed on his bottom lip. “I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“But…” He stared at him with a wide-eyed expression. When he thought back to Armie’s phone call, he realized he didn’t ask him to come and get him. He just asked him to come to the bar. He had just assumed he had too much to drink and needed help getting home.

When Armie’s words registered - that he wanted to spend time with him - he could feel his cheeks flushing and partially hid his face in Armie’s pillow. “I guess you didn’t need a designated driver.”

“No,” he said, his voice filled with amusement. “But you might need a designated mouth wiper.”

Suddenly, Armie reached over him. He turned just in time to be face to face with Armie’s expansive chest. As Armie lay back against the bed, he had a couple of tissues in hand and wiped at the corner of his lip.

Realizing he was drooling, Timmy was even more mortified and pressed his face to his hands. “Oh, my God, that’s so embarrassing.”

“It’s no big deal. It’s not like I haven’t seen you do it before.” Timmy peeked one eye out from behind his hand. “You drooled a little on me when you slept on my shoulder on the plane.”

“Oh, no.” He groaned.

Armie let out one of his beautiful, big-throated laughs. “It’s fine. I don’t know how, but you look cute when you drool.”

Slowly lowering his hands, he gazed up at Armie. “Really?” He asked in a surprised whisper.

“Yeah.” Armie ducked his head. 

Not knowing what to say at all, he rubbed the back of his head and tried to think of something. Should he ask him how on Earth he could find his drooling cute? Should he ask what other things he did that were cute? 

When he glanced over at Arme, the way he was squirming he thought he might be a little uncomfortable, so he decided to go with something light to make things a little less awkward.

“So, are you prepared to wipe my drool for the rest of the night?”

Instead of answering him back with more banter, Armie’s response was sweetly sincere. “If you need me to, yeah. I’ll wipe your drool. Or if you need me to, I’ll get the wastebasket if you need to puke again. Or help you to the bathroom. Or rub your stomach.” He let out a short, nervous chuckle. “Whatever you need.”

“Why would you do that?” Before the words even finished leaving his mouth, he thought it was a stupid question. It was because he was his friend. It was because he was a nice person. 

“Because…” Armie leaned his head against the pillow. He brushed his fingers against the fringe on Timmy’s forehead. His stare was so captivating. It was filled with such tenderness, but there seemed to be fear there as well. “Because I love you,” he finished softly.

His hand lingered against Timmy’s temple. Armie’s gaze didn’t falter, and he felt like a deer in the headlights, too anxious to move and disturb whatever was happening between them. 

While it wasn’t the first time Armie had said he loved him, it just felt different - the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes, his whole demeanor. This didn’t feel like something one “bro” would say to another. It made his stomach twist, and this warmth in his chest start to bloom.

Still, he had to wonder if this was all in his head. After all, he was drunk. Was he just attaching an extra weight to his words because he really, really wanted it to be true? Maybe, but -

Armie leaned over him again and turned off the light. “You should get some sleep. Wake me if you need anything.” He settled back against the bed.

Preoccupied with his previous thoughts, he didn’t ask any questions about Armie deciding to sleep beside him. He turned to examine his expression again. Unfortunately, in the dark, he couldn’t see Armie’s eyes, especially since he was staring up at the ceiling.

Even though he didn’t want to, he found himself quickly succumbing to sleep. The alcohol finally caught up to him, and despite the questions still nagging at him over what Armie said, he closed his eyes and was out in seconds. 

The next morning, Armie wasn’t lying beside him. He was stretched out on his own bed. 

He smiled at him when he saw he was awake. There didn’t seem to be anything inherently different in how he was looking at him. Right away, he got up and retrieved some aspirin and water for him and watched Timmy as he drank the full glass. 

As he drank, he remembered Armie telling him he loved him and the strange way it made him feel. Discreetly, he tried to catch Armie’s attention just to get a glimpse of his eyes, to see if he could detect even a little of what he saw the previous night - if anything had truly shifted between them - but Armie was studiously staring at the ground.

Ultimately, he decided that his imagination had just run away with him. There was no way Armie thought of him like that. The alcohol and fuzziness of his brain had been playing tricks on him - a cruel trick. 

Once he was done drinking, he handed the glass back. Armie took it with a tight grin and went over and put it on his nightstand. He grabbed his bag and headed towards the door.

“I’ve got to get to class.” He gripped the doorknob. “Do you need anything?”

“No. I think I’m okay. I have to get ready, too.” It seemed like a somewhat obvious lie since they both knew his next class wasn’t for another three hours, but Armie didn’t call him on it. 

“Are you sure?” Armie swallowed.

“I’m alright.” He whispered before flashing a fake grin. 

“Okay...I’ll see ya.” With a brief nod, he was gone. 

He watched the door for a second and then got up to get his toothbrush. Every so often, Armie’s “I love you” would run through his mind, but every time he just said to himself “it’s just my imagination.” Over and over again until he, more or less, believed it. 

So over the years, he did think about that night. He thought about how embarrassed he was that he got drunk so easy. He thought about how sweet Armie was and the way he wanted to take care of him. But, when he thought about the “I love you,” he would berate himself for actually - even for just a second - thinking it could have been a real admission of love. 

Sometimes, though, he would allow himself to fantasize that it really was an admission of love. It was a nice fantasy to think about from time to time, but it wasn’t real.

Except he was wrong. 

Thinking about it now, he knew it was different. In his soul, he knew what Armie was telling him. 

It made him wonder what was going through Armie’s mind that whole night. The truth was, he didn’t have to wonder because he knew from personal experience - it must have been the same way he felt after Armie’s confession in Vegas. 

If Armie got any sleep at all, as soon as he woke up, he must have remembered what he said. Did he regret it? Did he wonder if he wrecked their friendship? Did he want Timmy to remember? Was it this incident that made him consider completely open up about his feelings - before he changed his mind? Did he walk around with this ache all these years, thinking his confession didn’t mean anything to him?

The whole thing, especially that last thought, was almost enough to make him want to curl up in a ball and cry for days - except there was no time for that. He refused to focus on any sadness when he finally had genuine hope for the first time.

His fears and doubts about Armie’s feelings were gone. The adoring, earnest look in his eyes back then when he told him he loved him was the same way he looked at him a few days ago. 

_“But let me be really clear about something. You keep talking about my feelings for you in the past tense like they went away. They didn’t. My feelings for you are very real - right now - and they’re not going away._

This whole time, Armie had been the brave one putting his heart on the line. It was his turn now. He had to be the brave one because he was not about to give up a chance to be with Armie, not without a fight. Because he knew…

“He loves me.” His smile stretched wide across his face as he looked up at Will. “Armie loves me. I know it.”

“Looks like you found something to hold on to.” Will’s grin matched Timmy’s.

He just nodded with a tremulous smile.

Will gripped his shoulder. “Go get your boy.”

While he knew now what he wanted to do, he wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it. Calling Armie and admitting how much he loved him and asking him to call off the wedding really didn’t seem like something he could, or wanted, to do over the phone but he should call him and give him a heads up at least.

But he was getting ahead of himself. Before he could deal with the situation with Armie, he needed to talk to Lucas and end things properly. He owed Lucas that much. 

As he got out of the elevator and started walking to his apartment, he pulled out his phone. He would call Lucas and ask him to come over. This was something he absolutely needed to do face-to-face.

When he walked into his apartment, all the breath left his body as the first thing he saw was an extra set of keys on the kitchen countertop. At first, he wondered if Lucas came and dropped them off, but then he heard some movement coming from his bedroom. Lucas was still there.

Taking several deep breaths, he slowly walked over there. He stopped just outside the doorway. Lucas had his back to him and was by the desk in the corner. He was staring at a metronome Timmy kept there. His dad gave it to him, but he barely used it. The only reason he kept it on his desk was that Lucas liked using it when he was writing.

Without saying a word, Lucas turned around. He didn’t seem startled to see him. “I really wanted to take this, but I know it’s a family heirloom.”

“It’s not really.” He shrugged. 

“Your grandfather gave it to your dad.” Lucas put it down on the desk.

“I know, but I don’t really consider it an heirloom, and you know it kind of drives me crazy.” He nodded towards it. “You can have it.”

Lucas pursed his lips for a second before picking it up again. “Thanks.” He walked over to the bed.

For the first time, he noticed the small duffle bag on the bed, which Lucas placed the metronome inside. There were a few other items inside like clothes, a couple of books, etc. He was packing up his things. 

Clearly, he knew what was coming. 

Despite that, he stood there trying to figure out what to say and how to end things in the “right way.”

“You really don’t need to think about this so hard,” Lucas suddenly said.

He was so startled he almost jumped a mile high. 

“I know…” Lucas swallowed. “I know that this is over.” He zipped up his bag.

As soon as Lucas said the words, he felt tears start to well up, but he bit the inside of his cheek to stop. Knowing that he was ending things for the right reasons didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, but given that he was the one ending things, he didn’t feel like he had any right to cry. 

“I just…” he rubbed at his forehead roughly as he took a few steps inside. “I…”

“I know what you want to say, and you really don’t need to.” Lucas looked down at his feet and didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. He ended up with his arms hanging limply by his sides while he clenched and unclenched his fists.

“I’m so sorry.” He winced immediately, knowing it sounded so trite, but he couldn’t help it. He meant it with all of his heart. “I really didn’t expect this to happen.”

Lucas shook his head and picked up his bag, hoisting the strap over his shoulder. “It’s not really your fault, right? You love who you love, and it’s not me.”

“That’s not it.” He insisted as he closed the gap between them. He frowned when Lucas immediately stepped back. “Not exactly. This wouldn’t be so painful - so hard - if I didn’t love you at all.”

Sighing, he slowly carded his hand through his hair. He tried to examine Lucas’s face to see if this made things better or worse, but his expression mostly remained unchanged.

This was a whole new, horrible, experience for him - breaking someone’s heart. It was probably this lack of experience that kept him going, even though he worried he was just digging the hole bigger and bigger.

“I know that what I want right now probably doesn’t matter to you, and it shouldn’t, but I really need you to know something.” Lucas glanced up at him briefly. “What we had was real. I wasn’t using you as some kind of placeholder and waiting for Armie. I tried to put my feelings for Armie behind me. I really did.”

“But you couldn’t...because you love him that much.” His voice sounded so calm and rational, but when he looked up Timmy could see a tear fall down his cheek. 

He couldn’t bring himself to answer but knew he didn’t really need to.

At that moment, if he could have torn himself in half and given that part of him to Lucas, he would have, but it was impossible. He had to remind himself that this was for the best. As much as he loved Lucas, it didn’t compare to how he felt for Armie.

Pursing his lips, Lucas took a few halting steps forward and was soon within arm’s reach of Timmy, not that he would dare reach out to touch him right now. 

“I’m not going to pretend this doesn’t hurt like hell.” He sniffled. “I’m going to miss...I’m going to miss getting to see your face almost every day. I’m going to miss the crazy way you would mainline fifteen cups of coffee and bounce around the apartment like the Tasmanian Devil when you were trying to flesh out an idea.”

They both chuckled lightly.

Lucas’s grin fell as fast as it had appeared. “I’m going to miss your creativity and the way you made me better - with everything.”

He looked away as he couldn’t stop the tears from falling now.

“But I know this is for the best.” Lucas sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t want to be with someone who can only give me a part of his heart. I deserve better than that.”

“You do,” he said without reservation and wiped at his eyes. 

It didn’t escape his attention at how eerie Lucas’s words were - almost as if he was looking into his brain. A moment he’d experienced often when they were writing together. Something he realized probably wouldn’t happen again for a long time, if ever again. It instantly hit him how much he was going to miss that. He couldn’t help feeling unbearably sad at the prospect of Lucas leaving his life for good. 

“There’s a part of me that does know you weren’t using me, but it is nice to hear it from you. It’s nice to know this was real, even if it didn’t last.” He stared down at the ground, his eyes blinking rapidly.

There was an extended pause that didn’t feel natural but wasn’t as awkward as he expected it to be. Despite the ticking clock of Armie’s wedding date looming, he wasn’t about to rush Lucas out the door. 

Eventually, Lucas cleared his throat and gripped the strap of his bag tightly. “I’m not really sure what else to say. I don’t think I can say ‘see you around.’”

“Because you don’t ever want to see me again.” He tried to keep the self-pity out of his voice. 

“I wouldn’t say I never want to see you again.” Lucas crossed his arms over his chest. “There is a part of me - a really small, bitter part - that wants to close the door and never look back, but I know it’s not what I really want. I’m going to miss creating with you, and I don’t want to close the door on that forever. It’s just going to take some time.”

“That makes sense.” He hesitated before continuing. “Whenever you’re ready just call me.”

“Okay.” Lucas chewed on his bottom lip and glanced toward the door. “I should…” he gestured ahead.

“Right.” It was his instinct to reach out to hug him, but he knew that wasn’t his right anymore.

Lucas trudged past him, and he turned to watch him go. He stopped in front of the doorway and turned around. There seemed to be some fight going on in his head. Before he spoke again, his eyes darted all around the room. “Is it okay if I get one last hug?” Lucas asked in a small voice.

“It’s-” His voice, like his heart, cracked. Finally, he just jerked his head slightly in a barely recognizable nod. 

Before he knew it, Lucas’s arms were gingerly wrapped around him. It was as if he was afraid to hold on too tightly until Timmy put his arms around him, and then he sunk into it. 

They let go at the same time after a few seconds. Lucas let go almost completely except he clutched Timmy’s forearm. 

“I wish I could be the one who makes you happy, but even though I’m not, I still want that for you - for you to be happy. One of the reasons I’ve always been jealous of your friendship with Armie is I know how happy you make each other. I really mean it when I say I hope it’s not too late.” 

He just stared at him in disbelief. If the positions were reversed, he’s not sure if he could find it in his heart to say something so generous. 

“Thank you,” he croaked out.

Lucas nodded. “I’ll see you around.” He grinned briefly before it morphed into a frown as he turned and walked out.

“Bye,” he whispered as the door closed.

After another minute, he walked towards his bed and sat down at the edge. Soon he curled up and cried. 

A few hours later, he was finally ready to regroup and focus on his predicament with Armie. He got up and started to pace as he tried to think of what his next step should be. Even though he didn’t know exactly what he was going to say, he decided to call Armie. He was frustrated when his calls went straight to voicemail. Yes, the wedding was the next day but he couldn’t think of anything he could be doing where he needed to have his phone off. 

There was the option of calling Tyler or Nick or even Ash, but to tell them what? To ask them to locate Armie? To ask them to help him stop the wedding? He didn’t want to drag them in the middle of this unless he really needed to. 

While time was slipping away, he still had more than twenty-four hours before the wedding. There had to be flights to California available. It would probably cost him an arm and a leg, but Armie was absolutely worth it. 

Thank God, the wedding wasn’t until six o’clock. He was so grateful that Elizabeth insisted on a nighttime wedding. Even if he couldn’t find a flight until tonight, he would arrive with plenty of time to find Armie and have the talk with him he’d been waiting years for.

He managed to book a six o’clock flight that didn’t break the bank. Even though he didn’t need to be there for a couple of hours, he immediately started packing like a madman. It was the fastest packing job he’d ever done. 

Before he left, he called Armie one last time. It went to voicemail again. The first few times he didn’t leave a message but decided to this time. “Um...Armie. I-I know that the way we left things was...horrible, but there are things I didn’t get to say to you - really important things, and I just...I need you...I need you to call me back. _Please_. We need to talk.” 

As soon as he hung up, he flew out the door. When his Uber driver arrived, he could have kissed him since he got there in under five minutes. He kept staring at his phone, hoping that Armie would call him back. 

About ten minutes away from the airport, he realized he didn’t even know where he was going to stay when he got to LA. He had a couple of friends there besides Armie, but he didn’t want to impose on them by asking to stay with them last minute. He decided to book a hotel. When it came time to put in his credit card information, he reached for his wallet.

His wallet!

It wasn’t there!

“Motherfucker!” He cried out. 

The male driver - Brian - was so startled his head almost hit the roof of his Lexus. “Problem?”

“My wallet. I forgot my fucking wallet!” He banged his fist against the seat.

The driver rolled his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. You have no idea how much.” He put his head in his hands. “We need to go back.”

“Okay. It’s your dime,” Brian said, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

The only saving grace of this situation was that he left so early that he wouldn’t miss his flight. Even though he was generally forgetful, he was still stunned he could forget something like his wallet.

When they got back to his apartment, he barely waited for the car to come to a complete stop before he practically ripped the door off its hinges opening it. 

“I’ll be back in like two seconds,” he shouted over his shoulder.

Continuing his theme of the day of being clumsy and forgetful, he seemed to have forgotten how to walk and almost tripped over his own feet a couple of times, including getting out of the elevator. 

Just as he was approaching his door, he literally skidded to a stop. His heart leaped into his throat, and he blinked several times as he couldn’t quite comprehend what he was seeing.

Armie was sitting by his door.

Armie was sitting by his door!

His legs were curled up to his chest. He had his phone pressed to his ear with one hand, and the other was playing with his father’s lighter.

When he noticed Timmy’s presence, his eyes widened, and the phone slipped down from his face. 

“Jesus H. Tap Dancing Fucking Christ!” They exclaimed at the same time.

On shaky legs, Armie stood up slowly.

The only thing Timmy could do was continue to goggle at him. Without even thinking, he closed his eyes and when he opened them, Armie was still standing there so tall and beautiful and close enough to touch.

“What are you doing here?” He finally managed to squeak out.

For the longest time, Armie just stared at him with wide eyes that seemed to be filled with a million different emotions. Finally, he held out his phone. “I got your message.” He cleared his throat. “You wanted to talk. So let’s talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will probably be two, or possibly three, more chapters. 
> 
> Thanks for reading - and your patience! Let me know what you think!
> 
> @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr


	10. Happy Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Timmy and Armie realize it's time to get out of their own way and choose happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shouts into a megaphone* I'm so sorry! A six-month break was not my intention, especially with the last chapter's cliffhanger. The only good thing I can say is I have taken the last couple of months to work on this story and the rest of it is mostly done so I can guarantee there will be no more huge delays for the rest of the chapters!
> 
> I've worked on this a lot and am happy with how this came out. Maybe it's cheesy to say as the writer, but I'm proud of the two of them and how far they come in this chapter. I hope it ends up worth the wait!

This was becoming a somewhat nasty habit - Armie throwing him for a loop like this. Timmy probably had more shocks in the last four days than he had in his entire life. This latest was truly doing his head in. 

Even though it seemed like a fantasy, he knew it wasn’t. He could hear Armie’s labored breathing - or was that his? He could smell his cologne. He could feel the pull he always felt towards him. 

This was real. This was happening. 

But how could it be real? How could it be happening? 

“You can’t be here. You should be getting married.” He pressed the palms of his hand to his eyes. 

“Yeah, that was the plan, but-” Armie started.

“But what?” He gaped up at him. “I-I don’t understand how this is happening. You said you heard my message but that can’t be why you’re here. I _just_ left that message. Why are you here?”

“Timmy. Breathe.”

He nodded without really doing what he asked. 

“I read your message when I was already here. After…” He cleared his throat. “After I called off my wedding.”

Timmy stumbled backward. Rushing forward, Armie attempted to steady him, but he managed to lean against the wall to keep upright.

“Maybe we should go inside?” Armie nodded towards the door.

“In-Inside?” Timmy slowly turned to look at the door. He stared at it for a second as if it was a foreign object. “You want to go...inside.” His brain finally caught up. “Right. Sorry.”

Turning around, it took him a few extra seconds to get his key in the lock, his hands were shaking so bad. Once inside, Timmy sucked in a few, long deep breaths before facing Armie again. The shaking stopped and his heart stopped trying to make a break from his chest.

When his gaze focused on Armie, he was startled.

Despite telling him to breathe earlier, right now it seemed Armie was the one having trouble catching his breath. With how he was pacing, he almost reminded Timmy of a caged animal.

If his freaked-out meter wasn’t already at level 10, it might have disturbed him the way Armie seemed to be talking to himself. His lips were moving but nothing was coming out. The last time he’d seen him like that was before his father’s funeral where he was supposed to do a reading.

When he noticed the way Timmy was looking at him, he smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I thought I should write down what I wanted to say to you, but I changed my mind and thought it needed to come straight from the heart, but now that I’m here that seems like a really stupid idea.”

“Armie?” Timmy couldn’t help chuckling. 

“Huh?” His mouth snapped shut.

“Breathe.”

There was a brief, tremulous smile on Armie’s face.

Armie being nervous helped Timmy’s nerves settle. It’s the way they always balanced each other out. Only one of them could be a basketcase at a time. If one of them was spiraling, the other felt the need to be the calm the other needed. It was one of the many ways they worked so well and just fit together. 

It made him remember what he wanted to say - what he needed to say. After waiting for so long, he couldn’t wait another second.

“Timmy, I-”

“I love you.”

Instantly, Armie stopped in his tracks and they both blinked at each other. 

The silence seemed to stretch on for eons.

“I’m sorry, what?”

With his heartbeat thundering in his ears, he could barely hear Armie. He placed his hand on his chest to calm down. It felt like he was sweating so badly, his green t-shirt was almost clinging to his chest.

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “God, we’re saying that a lot these days.” He blew out a long breath. “I didn’t mean to step on anything you wanted to say. I know there’s a lot you need to say and explain I just...I’ve wanted to say that for seven years and I couldn’t wait anymore.”

“You’ve been wanting to say you love me?” After all that pacing, Armie stayed rooted to the spot and seemed afraid to move.

“Yes...and no.” Timmy stepped closer. “I wanted to say that I’m _in_ love with you.”

Armie nodded. His lips moved but once again nothing came out until he finally spoke and exhaled at the same time. “Oh.”

Timmy smiled. His smile getting wider and bigger the closer he got to Armie until he was a hair’s breadth away. 

“I should have said something when you asked me about my feelings in your hotel room.” His shoulders sagged with the weight of years of regret. “Actually, I should have said something years ago. I’ve just been so scared of what I could lose. Our friendship has been the most precious gift and if I lost it - if I lost you…”

“You could never.”

“I know.” Timmy closed his eyes and a tear fell down his cheek. 

Before he could wipe it away, Armie reached up and wiped it gently with his thumb. Timmy grabbed his hand. It gave him the strength to go on.

“I kept thinking I needed you to make the first move to prove something. It took Will talking some sense into me for me to see you’ve been making the first move for years. You were willing to tell me how you felt back then and you told me how you felt in Vegas.”

“When I was drunk.” Armie stared at the ground. 

“So what?” Timmy crouched down until he could stare into his magnetic blue eyes again. “You were drunk but you were honest. You asked me to be honest, too.”

“You had a lot to lose.”

“I also had a lot to gain if I could get out of my way and fight for what I wanted.” He ran his hand through his hair and felt his chest begin to tighten. “The first thing I needed to do was break up with Lucas.”

“I know how hard that must have been.” The regret and sadness in his voice were sincere. 

“It was.” Timmy nodded and swallowed. “But I know I needed to do it, for him as well as for myself.” If he kept talking about this, he would picture Lucas’s face after the break-up and that wasn’t going to help him get through this so he squeezed his eyes shut briefly and moved on. “Next, I knew I needed to get on a plane so I could talk to you.” He let out a dry chuckle. “Then I forgot my wallet and came back here and...you were here.”

“I’m here,” Armie whispered.

Timmy chewed on his lip and squeezed his hand. “I’m beyond thrilled to see you but why are you here? Why did you call off the wedding?”

In his heart, he already knew the answer but to truly believe it he had to hear it from Armie’s mouth. His confidence faltered a bit when Armie took a tiny step back.

“You know-” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “You know I’ve been struggling to write my vows.”

He nodded.

“So, a few days ago I sat down determined to get it done. I was going to sit there and write until something good came out. For a while, that didn’t work. When I wasn’t just staring into space I was writing absolute crap but suddenly I thought about this weekend and this flood of emotions came over me and I just wrote and wrote and wrote…” He let out a long sigh and looked up into Timmy’s eyes. “The funny thing was, I wasn’t writing my vows to her...they were to you.”

A rush of breath felt punched out of Timmy’s body. Somehow, he experienced this feeling of time stopping and the room spinning at the same time.

“Right then, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. As terrified as I was to end things and break Elizabeth’s heart, I knew going through with it would be so much worse because I couldn’t look at her and say this.” He cradled Timmy’s face in his hands. “You are _everything_ to me.”

The tears came and wouldn’t stop now. Armie’s eyes were brimming over as well. 

“Despite everything I poured out of me that night, I still don’t think I managed to convey what I feel _every time_ I look at you.”

Timmy stared into his eyes needing to memorize every second of this moment.

“What I feel for you is deep in my bones and I don’t know how I managed to keep my feelings from bursting out other than when I was drunk.” His gaze traveled to the ceiling as if searching for answers. “I was such a coward.”

“That goes both ways,” Timmy said in a choked voice.

“I understand why you were scared. I also didn’t want to mess up the best thing in my life.” Armie leaned his forehead against his and stroked his right cheek. “For me, I’ve spent my whole life being scared of my mother’s judgment. It made me question my feelings and think that the absolute worst would happen if people knew I was bisexual.” A pained expression darkened his features.

Armie let go of his face but Timmy didn’t let him go far and held onto his shirt.

“I’m so messed up, Timmy.” He ran a hand through his hair. “God, I thought I didn’t deserve someone as perfect and wonderful as you are.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell him how wrong he was - especially about him being perfect - but he could tell how important this was for Armie to get out.

“The only thing I’m scared of now is losing the chance to be with you. So, I won’t hold back anymore.” He stared deep into his eyes with a look of unwavering joy. “Timmy, I love you. I love you so much!”

This was the moment he’d hoped, prayed, and dreamed of for so long. The moment he feared would never happen. Even though he knew he was wide awake he couldn’t help needing confirmation. 

“Please...say it again,” he whispered in a steady voice, not a reflection of his nerves and the thousand and one butterflies in his stomach right now.

Armie gave him the most patient, sweetest, beautiful smile that would have a prominent spot on the highlight reel of his life. He slowly carded his fingers through Timmy’s hair as he leaned in and spoke in a whisper mere inches from his lips.

“Timothée Hal Chalamet, I love you more than words could ever say.”

They gazed into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity. As much as he adored Armie’s blue eyes, especially with the intense way he was staring at him, he ached for him to close the distance between them.

Before he had a chance to ask - plead - with him, Armie’s willpower gave way and he finally pressed his lips against his. It was featherlight and much too brief before Armie pulled back again.

Despite the brevity of the kiss, it stirred something inside him he’d never felt before and it took him a few seconds to open his eyes. When he did he was met with an equally breathless Armie. More than breathless he looked blissed out with the cutest, dopiest grin he’d ever seen.

They kissed again with both opening up to each other with a firm kiss that went on for much longer, though occasionally it was more teeth than anything else as they both couldn’t stop smiling.

This time, Timmy pulled back. He looped both arms around Armie’s neck and leaned into his ear. “Say it again.”

The wolfish grin on Armie’s face when he peered back at him again made his legs turn to jelly and his cock, which had already started to wake-up, began to stir fully.

Leaning forward, his expression turned less predatory and more tender. “I love you.” Armie kissed each of his eyelids. “I love you.” He laid a long kiss on the tip of his nose. “I love you.” He finally moved back to his lips.

“I love you.” He barely got to finish before Armie’s mouth devoured his in a heated kiss. 

Feeling Armie’s tongue slide up his top lip, he needed no further invitation. He tightened his arms around his neck before opening up his mouth. As soon as he did, Armie’s tongue lightly stroked his. Timmy let out a muffled whimper.

Wrapping his arms around his waist, Armie crushed Timmy to him. He had always been aware of how strong Armie was but it felt different now to be so engulfed by him. He just knew Armie could manhandle him, but only if he asked him to. That thought turned him on even more.

His hips had a mind of their own and he couldn’t help pressing them forward into Armie’s who stepped back with a gasp. His eyes were black with lust and his eyes flicked from Timmy’s crotch to his plump, kiss-bruised lips.

“Fuck, Timmy,” he growled before grabbing his head and pulling him into a kiss that made him dizzy and he had to clutch on to Armie for dear life.

They only parted to breathe. As much as he needed the air, he didn’t want to stop and was desperate with the need for more. There was a tiny part of him that still couldn’t believe this was happening and he needed to feel Armie’s skin against his, to feel him inside him to cast any doubt aside.

He reached for Armie’s belt and fumbled with it. When he finally made some progress and almost had it undone, Armie’s hands gripped his wrists.

“Wait.”

Timmy panted as he looked up at him in confusion.

“Maybe we should slow down?”

“Slow down? Why?” He stared up at him with wide eyes, as if he was speaking gibberish. 

“Don’t get me wrong. This is amazing.” He pulled up Timmy’s hands and kissed his knuckles. “This is beyond my wildest dreams but…” He sighed and spared a brief glance at the ceiling. “But you just broke up with Lucas.”

“You just broke up with Elizabeth.” He shrugged.

“I know and I won’t say it wasn’t difficult for me, or that I don’t feel horrible that I hurt her, but you’re different than I am. You’re much more sensitive. I know this must be killing you. I don’t want you to rush into anything. I want this moment to be a happy one.”

If it were at all possible his heart swelled with even more love for him.

“Oh, baby, you’re so incredibly sweet.” He caressed his face and Armie’s eyes fluttered closed. “Yes. I feel bad for hurting him, but I think it was for the best for both of us. I know it was for me. I chose you because I knew that being with you was the only thing that would make me happy and being in your arms now, I know that was right. This is the happiest moment of my life. Can’t you feel it?” He took his hand and placed it against his chest to feel his heartbeat then placed it against his crotch.

Armie bit his lip and groaned.

“After seven years, this is not rushing into anything. This is me being exactly where I want to be. I won’t take a single second with you for granted again. I know that what we could have together could be so amazing and I want that more than anything.” He spoke with such passion and all of the love in his heart.” Now, the question is, what do you want?” He licked his lips and stared up at him.

There was no hesitation as he found himself enfolded in Armie’s embrace again as his face hovered just above Timmy’s. The kiss was more gentle than the last one. “I want you,” Armie said into his mouth. “I’ll always want you.”

They kissed for another minute, their tongues becoming well acquainted with each other. 

“Could you do something for me?” Armie nipped at his lips.

“Anything.” Timmy started to grind his hips against Armie’s. _Fuck_ he was so big and so hard. His mouth was already beginning to water.

“Call me baby again.” His voice was so soft and it was an almost timid request.

Timmy grinned. That had just slipped out, but it felt so natural, he didn’t question it. He was so glad Armie had liked that.

“Enjoyed that, huh?” His voice a tease as his hands glided up and down Armie’s back.

“Yes, very much.” He fisted Timmy’s hair and gently pulled his head back.

A shaky sigh fell from Timmy’s lips as Armie started to plant open-mouthed kisses down his neck. “Oh, fuck, baby please keep doing that.”

Armie chuckled against his neck and repeated his actions back up his exposed throat.

By this point, Timmy was so hard it was verging on painful.

“Let’s go to your room,” Armie said after he was done.

“I don’t know if I can move,” he only said half-jokingly.

“You can’t?”

Coyly looking up at him through his lashes, Timmy shook his head.

“I guess I’ll have to help you then.”

“You’d do that for me?”

His eyes softened and Timmy felt a different warmth spread through him at the devotion reflected in them. “I’d do anything for you.”

Timmy sighed happily and butted his head against Armie’s chest. When he looked up, they shared a languid kiss.

Without warning, Armie gripped his thighs and lifted him. Timmy squawked into his mouth and they both giggled. He wrapped his legs around him. Despite the fact they continued to kiss, they didn’t stumble once as they made it to his room.

As soon as they were inside, Armie lowered him down and closed the door behind them. Timmy took a few steps back and started to unbutton his jeans.

“Wait.” 

_Not again_ , he thought impatiently.

“Let me.” Armie closed the distance between them.

That’s better. He flashed a quick grin before nodding and letting his hands fall to his sides. Armie finished unbuttoning his jeans and slowly unzipped him, watching him intently. He pushed his jeans down, leaving him in his boxers. Timmy stepped out of them and kicked them to the side.

Next, Armie gripped the hem of his shirt. He paused as if waiting for permission.

“Please,” Timmy whispered.

Armie nodded and peeled the shirt off in an agonizingly careful fashion. The green garment was discarded on the floor. 

When he gazed down at Timmy he sucked in a breath. He reached out and reverently touched his neck and slid his hand down his chest.

“How are you even real?”

He couldn’t help blushing, sure his hair must look crazy, and in the back of his mind wondering how Armie was studying him as if he were this perfect creature.

“Thank you for talking me out of my dumb idea of going slow.” He continued to touch every inch of his chest.

“Well, I was the idiot who told you to get married.” Timmy chuckled. 

“We are two idiots in love.” Armie shook his head and glanced down. 

“Yes, we are.” The smile that graced his face could have lit up the night sky. 

Returning his smile, Armie leaned down and pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat while he wrapped his arms around Timmy and pulled him in. As he continued to pepper kisses over his neck, his hands drifted down and soon gripped the waistband of his boxers.

Timmy stopped him this time. “Wait, aren’t you going to get naked, too?”

“You think I need to get naked, too?” Armie eyed him with a smirk. 

He nodded vigorously.

“If you insist.” Armie’s voice could have melted butter. 

Hearing the heat in his voice, Timmy’s insides turned to jelly and he had to take in a quick breath to concentrate on the sight before him as Armie took a step back and reached for his top button. His fingers were already itching to touch. Instead of standing idly by, he decided to repeat Armie’s earlier request.

“Let me?” Timmy moved without waiting for a response as he reached up and started to unbutton the black button-down.

With every bit of skin he revealed, he placed a lingering kiss on that spot. Armie groaned and cradled the back of his head.

When Timmy was done, he was on his knees. They worked together to finish removing his shirt and it fell behind Armie. Quickly moving on, he finished removing Armie’s belt, ripping it off and throwing it.

After unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, an already impatient Timmy gripped the waistband of his jeans and pulled it down in one smooth motion. Armie’s black boxer briefs were molded to his body and he seemed to almost be bursting out of them with how hard he was. Further proof of how far gone he was, Timmy saw a huge wet spot at the top.

Looking up, he saw Armie staring down at him with heavy-lidded eyes. His fists were clenched at his sides and his breathing was labored and he hadn’t even done anything to him yet.

Knowing he was in such a state because of him - made him feel so powerful and even more aroused. Pressing his face into the crease of his thigh, Timmy sniffed - long and loud - while lightly stroking him through his underwear.

“Jesus-Tap-Dancing-Christ!” Armie threw his head back.

This smell - this musky scent that was so specifically Armie - a heady feeling washed over him. His entire body felt alight with the growing anticipation of what was to come. How did even his smell drive him absolutely crazy? He had to subtly wipe the drool from the corner of his mouth. 

Unlike him, Armie couldn’t hide the less-than-subtle evidence of his arousal - his forehead was glistening with sweat, his chest was heaving, and his cock was twitching as if trying to burst out of his boxers through sheer force of will.

When Timmy’s eyes flicked up to his face, Armie’s blue eyes were boring into his and he could almost hear the desperate wail of _do something._ And, _God_ , did he want to - he wanted to devour him whole right then and there and keep at it until they were both lying there spent, sated, and smiling from ear to ear.

And yet, he hesitated. To make this as good for them as he wanted he couldn't rush this part. He couldn’t let this be over so quickly.

“You want this so much, don’t you, baby?” He nosed up the length of his clothed cock.

The only response Armie could offer was a whimper.

“I want to hear you say it.” He paused any movement.

“Touch me, please!” Armie begged, sounding more desperate than he had ever heard him.

“I am touching you.” Timmy couldn’t help his wicked grin as he petted the rod underneath black cotton, barely applying any pressure.

“You know what I mean,” Armie growled as he watched him with an expression that was a mix of frustration and slight amusement.

“Like this?” He licked a stripe up the outside of his boxers.

A moan from deep within his belly erupted from Armie.

“Or like this?” He pressed a slow, wet kiss to the outline of his crown.

“Christ Almighty!”

Not quite done with his teasing, but needing more, he finally pulled Armie’s underwear down to his ankles.

Armie had to get them off the rest of the way as Timmy was struck dumb by the sight before him. There had been a couple of glorious moments over the years where he got to glimpse Armie’s dick. That he was huge shouldn’t have been a shock and yet...Seeing it fleetingly, feeling it against him through his jeans was nothing compared to being up close and personal with it. 

He’d faced - and sucked - big dicks before but Armie’s was without a doubt the biggest. There was every chance he would choke on it and the thought had him salivating. He wouldn’t necessarily say he had a size kink but giving head was something he found immensely enjoyable and the few times someone had fucked his face led to some of the most powerful orgasms he’d ever had.

Starting slowly, he just sucked the head into his mouth, applying light suction, before sliding off with a light pop.

“Better now?”

“Yes, yes much better.” Armie panted as he gripped Timmy’s shoulder.

His eyes were blown wide and the expression on his face was nothing short of rapturous and Timmy needed more of that. He got back to it and went a little further this time as he stroked the rest with his hand, sucking harder this time. Needing to see his reaction, he glanced up through his lashes. He was rewarded with the sight of Armie’s eyes rolling to the back of his head.

Pulling back, he spat against his cock and spread it with his hand before diving in and going so far his eyes watered, but that didn’t deter him and he bobbed his head faster and faster. The way his cock became even stiffer and filled his mouth, even more, was impressive since Timmy thought he couldn’t possibly get any harder

Armie’s whimpers intensified before he fisted the hairs at the back of Timmy’s head. He got excited at the thought Armie might press his face down, possibly start fucking his face. Instead, he tapped his shoulder with his other hand.

“Timmy, Timmy come up here.”

While he was reluctant to stop what he was doing, after a few more hard sucks he swallowed around him - which earned a sharp tug of his hair - then slowly slid off. Armie hauled him up to his feet. His shaky fingers touched his slick, swollen lips as they both tried to catch their breaths and shared looks so heated it could have set the whole room on fire. 

“That was - ” His eyes narrowed and instead of finishing his sentence he swooped down, swallowing Timmy’s moan as they shared a filthy open-mouthed kiss, though Armie’s tongue did most of the work. “That felt so fucking good.” Armie sighed against his mouth.

“I don’t have to stop.” He licked his lips and smirked as he leaned over and nipped at his neck.

“Mmmm.” Armie grasped Timmy’s shoulders. “You kind of have to because…” He looked down with a blush creeping up his neck. “I was getting really close…”

Timmy gently held his chin and he glanced up after a few seconds. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about that. I _love_ that I could make you come with my mouth.”

After closing his eyes for a brief moment, Armie let out a breath and caressed the side of his face, staring at him with a look of utter adoration, then he moved in close to his ear. “That would be great except...I want to come inside you.”

The images his words conjured, along with feeling his hard length close to his, the way his hot breath hit his ear, caused his knees to buckle. Armie quickly steadied him before hoisting him off the ground. In three large steps, they were by Timmy’s bed. Armie set him down before pushing him on the bed and climbing over him.

As he loomed over him, Armie’s expression suddenly morphed from an animal on the prowl to a puppy who had just been reprimanded. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. Was that too rough?”

Chuckling, Timmy shook his head. “No.” He sat up and wrapped his arms around Armie’s neck and pulled him down. “In fact, you could be rougher and I wouldn’t mind.”

“Really?” Armie pulled back with wide, doubtful eyes. 

“Absolutely.” He stroked his hands up and down Armie’s thick biceps. “You’re so strong and being in your arms has always made me so happy. I _love_ the way your arms can fit around me twice over.” He squeezed his biceps. “You’re the strongest person I know, but so gentle. When I’m in your arms I know I’m in the safest hands possible. I trust you more than anyone. I know you would never hurt me - unless I asked you to.”

“Would you ever ask me to?” Armie leaned down on one elbow, careful not to put too much weight on Timmy.

Timmy swallowed. He moved out from under Armie and they faced each other. “Yes. I don’t mind some hair pulling or spanking. Or…” he picked up Armie’s hand and wrapped it lightly around his throat. “If you wanted to choke me.”

Armie blinked at him and his confidence faltered. He stared down at the bed.

“If you’re not into it, that’s okay,” he added, his own nerves starting to bubble up.

“I am.” He chewed on his bottom lip. “It’s just Elizabeth made me feel like a freak for even suggesting light spanking. She definitely wouldn’t let me pull her hair.”

Of course, it was Elizabeth’s prerogative not to be interested in rough sex, but he loathed that she made Armie doubt himself in any way. He reached for Armie’s hands and clasped them together. “You are not a freak and I am definitely not Liz.”

Their eyes met again and he recognized the moment a fire reignited inside Armie. Moving in slowly, his lips grazed Timmy’s with a tenderness that contrasted the heat in his gaze. As he increased the pressure of the kiss, his hand snaked up and he placed it against Timmy’s neck and placed a small amount of pressure. 

He gasped into the kiss.

When Armie’s gaze flicked up to Timmy’s with a question, he nodded and let out a strangled moan. Armie took advantage of his mouth being open and his tongue explored inside his mouth thoroughly. His hand was still against his neck but he didn’t squeeze harder.

After pressing Timmy onto his back and hovering over him, he let go of his neck. “I can’t wait to know how you like being kissed and touched.” His hands slid down his chest before gingerly touching his crotch. “Everywhere.”

“Armie,” Timmy whimpered.

He latched his mouth just above his collarbone and sucked. Armie’s soft lips felt so amazing against his skin and the suction sent electricity shooting up and down his body.

“Oh, God!” Timmy had to bite down on his shoulder to muffle the desperate sounds that wanted to erupt from his mouth.

“Don’t.” Armie shook his head. “I want to hear you.”

That was all he needed to let go and he threw his head back letting out a piercing moan. 

Sucking a little longer, Armie pulled back and licked the resulting purple bruise. “I guess you like that, too.”

At first, he tried to speak, but then just gave a shaky nod. 

Moving to the other side, Armie began to press tickling kisses to the exposed spot.

“You’re teasing me.” Timmy pouted, but couldn’t help giggling.

“I’m just returning the favor.” With the sexiest smirk on his face, Armie chuckled darkly and moved down a little further.

First blowing on one nipple and then giving it a few kitten licks, he then sucked it into his mouth. Timmy keened and fisted his hands in his hair which caused Armie to go harder while he pinched the other nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Fuck!” He arched off the bed.

“Sensitive nipples, check.” Armie sounded so cocky. It was annoying and sexy as all hell.

His chest heaved. “I am so going to get you-” Timmy’s words died with a strangled groan as Armie bit down on the other nipple.

He threw his hand over his eyes and didn’t get a chance to recover as Armie repeated the same actions on that same nipple as he did with the other one. His cock was aching and he reached down to grip himself but Armie batted his hand away.

“No.”

The protest died in his voice when he saw the powerful, determined look in Armie’s eyes. He laid his hand flat against the bed.

Armie moved further down the tip of his tongue leaving a trail of heat down his torso. He gently opened Timmy’s legs further before settling between them. When he reached for the waistband of his tented boxers they stared deeply into each other’s eyes. Timmy let out a long satisfied sigh when his cock was finally freed.

After quickly discarding his underwear, Armie stared at his cock and touched it with gentle fingers. He then pressed soft kisses to his inner thighs. 

In anticipation, Timmy had closed his eyes, but when Armie continued to just stroke him lightly, he opened them again. The cocky swagger of before was gone. Armie appeared timid and unsure.

“Armie?”

He took a deep breath before glancing up. “I’ve-I’ve never done this before. I want to make it good for you.”

Timmy’s heart melted yet again and he smiled. “It will be good because it’s you. I’m already so fucking turned on, Armie. I’ve been wanting this for so long. I promise I’ll like anything you do.”

“You’ve been wanting this for so long, what if it doesn’t live up to what you’ve dreamed of?” His voice was strained with worry. 

“Did it live up to it for you?”

“It was phenomenal but that’s because you’ve done it before.” 

“I wasn’t great my first time - hardly anyone is.” He sat up and tried to come up with a way to reassure Armie. “I’ll tell you what I like and I think that will help and if you’re not comfortable you can stop. You can just jack me off instead.”

“Okay.” Armie still seemed a bit hesitant.

Timmy nuzzled the side of his face and caressed his cheek. “I’ve got you, okay.” He nodded against him. Timmy kissed his temple and sat back on his elbows. “You can go as slow as you want. You can just suck on the tip - that feels incredible - especially when you get it really wet.” 

“Alright.” He spat into his hand and slicked up Timmy’s cock.

“Yeah, like that.” He lay back against the bed with a sigh. “And when I’m getting close, I like having my balls squeezed.” 

Even though he wasn’t quite there yet, Armie reached down and gripped his balls, giving them a gentle squeeze.

“That feels good.” Timmy smiled as he made sure to make eye contact with him.

Some of Armie’s nerves seemed to fall away, his body relaxed and he sunk down into the bed. His large hand closed around the base of Timmy’s cock and he gave an experimental lick of his slit once and then again.

“Keep doing that.” Timmy groaned.

He repeated the motion a few more times before giving one last languid stroke of his tongue.

“You have a lot of pre-come.” 

“You can spit it out if you want.” There was no sign of disgust from Armie, but he knew not everyone loved the taste of pre-come or come.

“I don’t want to.” Armie made a show of swallowing. 

It caught him off guard and he couldn’t help his involuntary whimper.

“You like that?” His confidence seemed even greater now.

“Yes.”

Armie grinned and suckled at just the head of his cock.

“Mmm, yes.” Timmy threw his hands behind him and clutched at his pillow his breath beginning to quicken.

As Armie reached up and stroked his stomach, he took him further into his mouth. When he moaned around him, Timmy roughly grabbed his hair, thinking he might fly into orbit.

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck_!”

Slowly pulling off, Armie licked his lips. “This feels incredible. You taste so fucking good!”

“My God, your mouth is so warm. You’re making me see stars already.” He carded his hand through his hair. 

“You are?”

“I am.” Timmy nodded rapidly, grinning.

Flashing a brief smile, Armie bent his head down before he suddenly pinched Timmy’s nipples.

His groans were so loud it felt like they could rattle the foundations of the room.

“The sounds you’re making, Timmy,” Armie bit his lip and moaned. “You don’t know how hard you’re making me.”

When he glanced down and saw Armie fisting his own swollen cock, his toes curled. “I need that cock inside me.”

Gripping his thighs, Armie grunted and went back to work, taking him back into his mouth. Without warning, before Timmy got a chance to get control of his breathing, Armie took him down to the root. 

It was the most pleasure he’d experienced in quite some time. He fisted the sheets so tight they were soon bunched all around him.

As amazing as it felt, as soon as he heard Armie start to sputter he remembered why this probably wasn’t a good idea. It took all of his strength to lift his arm and squeeze Armie’s shoulder.

“Armie, you-you don’t have to do that.”

He was already starting to come back up.

Messy didn’t even begin to describe him - his eyes were wide and drowning with tears and there was a long line of spit connecting his lips to his cock.

There was a war of emotions going on inside him. He vacillated with worrying that Armie took on too much too soon and feeling painfully turned on.

“You don’t have to try and deepthroat me already.” He sat up as far as his shaky limbs would allow.

“But you liked it.” Armie wiped at his eyes and nose.

Timmy smiled, affection beating lust right now. “I did, but it might be too much for you for the first time.”

“How will I know if I don’t try?” He reached out and slowly wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, cradling his balls with his other hand.

Before he could get a good rhythm going, he pulled him up until they were chest-to-chest. “That’s true, but didn’t you say something about wanting to come inside me?”

“I definitely want that but it doesn’t mean I can’t get you off first.” The intense stare Armie leveled at him stole his words and his breath. 

As he sunk his hand deep into his curls, he leaned down sucking Timmy’s top lip into his mouth as he pressed his crotch flush against his own. Feeling Armie’s hardness against him for the first time was almost too much and he wrapped his arms around him until every part of their bodies was connected.

In a daze, he didn’t start to move right away. The intense sensation of having his rigid cock against his was almost paralyzing. Even though Armie seemed just as affected, he did begin to grind their hips together. When he joined in, they rocked together slowly at first, but when their eyes locked, it set something off in Armie and his pace picked up until they were both panting into each other’s mouths. 

Digging his nails into Armie’s back, Timmy didn’t know how to process the insane amount of pleasure he was feeling. It was almost unreal. Every sensation was heightened - Armie’s harsh breath against his ear, his heaving, sweaty chest against his, the sound of their slick skin rubbing against each other. 

Before long, he felt on the verge of an earth-shattering orgasm. Instead of surrendering to it, he dug his nails in harder. 

“Not yet,” he mumbled.

“What?” Armie paused his frantic movement, kissing him.

“I don’t want to come yet,” he said more clearly. “I want to come on your cock.”

Armie closed his eyes tightly and groaned.

“I’m ready.” To make his point clear, he took Armie’s dick and rubbed it against his hole. “Please, baby.”

“Fuck!” Armie sounded on the verge of tears. When he managed to open his eyes and Timmy nodded, he bent down and kissed him softly. 

“Where’s your…?”

“Over there.” He gestured wildly toward the bedside table.

If he weren’t so painfully aroused, he might have laughed at the blur Armie created as he scrambled off the bed.

As he grabbed what they needed, Timmy suddenly got worried. He hoped against hope the condoms he had would fit someone of Armie’s size.

After Armie returned to bed, depositing the condoms and lube, he sat up and nodded toward them. “Uh...do you think the condoms are going to work with your…” His eyes traveled to Armie’s crotch and he lost all train of thought staring at his thick cock.

Given the way Armie began to laugh, it seemed his meaning wasn’t lost on him. “Yeah, they’ll probably work. Plus, I have condoms in my wallet.”

He returned his focus to his face and his eyebrows raised to his hairline at that comment. “You brought condoms here with you?”

“Yes.” Armie let out an embarrassed chuckle. “It’s not like that. I wasn’t presumptuous enough to have any expectations of this happening. I mean, I was hopeful but I didn’t think farther than telling you how I feel. I didn’t know if you’d want me.” He scratched the back of his neck.

It was quite the contrast - his sheepish face and his massive hard-on still prominent and jutting out.

“Well, now you know.” He stroked his cock hoping to bring back the sexy mood.

“Definitely.” Armie’s eyes were transfixed on Timmy’s movement. “Jesus.”

Timmy took his face in his hands and kissed him soundly before Armie pressed him into the mattress. They both reached out to the side and when they noticed they were reaching for the same thing, both giggled.

Armie let Timmy grab them. He held on to the bottle of lube while handing Armie the condoms. While Armie fumbled with the condom, Timmy uncapped the bottle and sloppily drizzled some onto his fingers.

“I’m making a mess.” He grimaced, briefly staring down at the mess on the comforter.

“At least you got it open.” Armie smiled and nodded toward the condom in his trembling fingers. He finally tore the wrapper open with his teeth.

“Fuck, that was hot,” he said as he slicked up two fingers. 

The grin on Armie’s face slowly fell when his eyes focused on Timmy reaching around before he slowly inserted one finger inside up to the first knuckle, hissing slightly.

“You’re telling me,” Armie replied while he continued to stare.

Timmy chuckled but winced when he started to move his finger.

Armie moved a little closer. With the way he was so transfixed, he wouldn’t have been surprised if Armie laid down up close to watch him. 

“Are you planning on doing anything with that condom?” His voice was teasing and he deliberately added a second finger to get a reaction from Armie. He was rewarded when Armie’s eyes bugged out.

“I can’t help it that you’re distracting me.”

“I’m sorry but I have to prepare myself. I’m about to take an enormous cock up my very tight hole.”

“God, your mouth is filthy.” Placing both hands next to Timmy’s head, he leaned over him and grinned. “I love it.”

Before Timmy could respond, Armie kissed him so fiercely, it made him forget what he was doing as he stopped moving his fingers and threw his arm around Armie’s neck as he rutted helplessly against him.

Panting, he pulled away - partially to get some air into his lungs but mostly out of desperation. “I need you...Please, please, fuck me.”

Swallowing thickly, Armie stared into his eyes and nodded. He rolled on the condom as Timmy returned to preparing, scissoring his fingers.

When Armie was done lubing up, Timmy removed his fingers. Armie moved between his legs. Raised just slightly above him, he gripped Timmy’s left thigh as he used his other hand to line up his cock to his entrance.

In all the times he’d fantasized about this particular moment - always looking into Armie’s eyes as they took this monumental step - it wasn’t like this. No fantasy could measure up to how he was feeling now.

Maybe he should have felt awkward about crossing this line but he just didn’t - nothing in his life had ever felt so right. This is where they had always been meant to be. He had never felt so loved, so happy, so at peace.

“I love you.” He carded his fingers through Armie’s hair. 

Armie’s breath hitched. “I love you, too.” 

As they shared a long, tender kiss Armie finally entered him. 

Both of them stilled for a brief moment before Timmy gave him a tiny, tremulous smile. Armie returned it as he caressed Timmy’s thigh. He continued to push in, stopping before he was even halfway in. 

He had never been so full in his life and he had to admit it was a lot to take in, quite literally.

“I’m hurting you, aren’t I?” Armie said, clearly distressed. 

As he started to pull out, Timmy wrapped his arms around his waist. “No. Just wait.”

“I should have taken my time. I’m sorry.” It was clear he was about to start beating himself up and that this was something that had happened before.

“It’s okay. I just haven’t been with someone so big before and it’s going to take more than a second to get used to it, but you didn’t do anything wrong.” He stroked his cheek. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he answered in a small voice.

“Just stay like this for a second and kiss me. I don’t think anything could hurt when you’re kissing me.”

Not needing to be asked twice, Armie pressed a light, close-mouthed kiss to his lips. As Timmy started to physically relax - his arms going slack around Armie’s waist - he increased the pressure. When Timmy licked against his mouth, Armie opened up and Timmy stroked the tip of his tongue against his.

“You can move,” he whispered.

Armie nodded. He closely watched Timmy’s expression seeming to look for any signs of distress. As he pushed in, his eyebrows raised in question with every inch forward.

This was exactly why he didn’t worry or feel too intimidated by Armie’s size. Armie would always look out for him and he wanted to cry out with how much he loved this man.

Finally, he bottomed out and was so deep inside, he didn’t know how he didn’t feel him in his stomach.

“Are you okay?” Armie stroked his damp forehead and kissed it.

He waited for him to look at him before answering. “I’ve never been better in my life.”

“I know.” Armie smiled. “Fuck, Timmy, you’re so tight and this feels so fucking incredible. I don’t think I need to move. I could come just like this.” 

Armie’s body was shaking. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the emotions of this moment or from the exertion it was taking to hold back.

“I probably could, too, but I think moving would be better.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Definitely.” Timmy licked his lips. “Just go slow at first.”

“Okay.” Armie pulled back, almost all the way out, pumping in slowly with shallow thrusts. 

“Moving is definitely better,” He gritted out.

“You were always smarter than me.” The stretched smile on his face reflecting his concentration but also the joy he was clearly feeling.

He set a slow pace, gradually going deeper and deeper with every thrust. It was too much and too little at the same time. 

If there were words to describe everything that was going on inside of him at this moment, he couldn’t think of them. Right now, he couldn’t think of anything but how _fucking amazing_ this felt. If it were possible, he would want this to go on forever.

“Harder.” His back was so slick, Timmy had to dig his nails in to hold on.

Armie nodded shakily and began to pump his hips faster.

It wasn’t enough.

He clutched the back of his head and pulled Armie down to whisper in his ear. “Harder. I can take it.”

Letting out a guttural growl, he pushed up with his arms and threw his head back, no longer holding back in the slightest. His grunts grew louder and louder until he was pounding into him so hard that it rattled the bed.

“Yes!” Timmy keened and arched his back. “Just like that!”

Armie sat on his knees and pulled his legs over his shoulder and snapped his hips fast..hard...and so fucking deep. Now he was hitting the perfect spot over and over. Timmy’s resultant unbidden and plaintive moans seemed to spur on his animalistic pummeling.

The way Armie kept hitting his prostate, the sound of his grunts, the wild look in his eyes - knowing he was getting just as much pleasure as him - the connection between them had never been stronger. It was taking him to a level of pleasure he didn’t know was possible.

As much as he wanted this to go on forever, there was no way it could, but maybe that was okay because this wasn’t it for them - far from it. They would get to do this - maybe for the rest of their lives. It was that thought that had his toes curling.

“Arm-Armie, I’m so close. Oh, fucking God!” He cried out.

“So am I.” Armie’s hips faltered. He was out of breath. “Come here.” He gathered him up in his arms.

They kissed as Timmy began to ride him.

Keeping one arm around him, he used the other to reach down and stroke Timmy.

In reaction, he let out a high-pitched whimper and squeezed down on Armie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck!” Armie buried his face in his neck. “Keep doing that! Timmy!”

“Look at me.” When Armie did, he rode him harder. “Come for me, baby.”

Armie’s grip around him was so tight, he thought they might meld into one being. 

Seconds later, Armie let out a piercing groan and started to come inside him.

It didn’t take long for him to feel the tell-tale tingling in his balls. “Armie, I’m going to - Armie!” He moaned loud and long as the first spurts of come splattered against his stomach and Armie’s hands. 

All the strength he had, he used to hold on to Armie’s shoulders for dear life as he literally rode out wave after wave of intense pleasure.

His orgasm seemed to go on forever. Armie continued to milk him dry until a wrung out Timmy collapsed, boneless, against his chest. His arms hung limply at his sides.

As he tried to catch his breath, this intense, overwhelming feeling came over him and he had to shut his eyes, but as soon as he did, these images of the two of them went flashing by.

Even though at first, he just pictured the two of them laughing he knew these weren’t memories - that was even clearer when the images were of the two of them holding hands, kissing, fucking, laying in bed staring into each other’s eyes. It was just a glimpse of what they could have had all this time. 

Suddenly, he was clutching Armie and crying into his shoulder.

“Timmy, Timmy what’s the matter?” Armie stroked his back before he gently pried him away and tried to get him to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” Armie tucked a sweaty tendril of hair behind his ear. “I thought that was freaking amazing, wasn’t it?”

“Yes! It was. It was.” He softly banged his head against Armie’s shoulder and then roughly ran his hand through his hair. “I just...I just couldn’t stop thinking of all the time we wasted. Everything we could have had all this time and missed out on.” He finally looked up at him.

Armie smiled sweetly at him before kissing his tears away. “I understand those regrets - believe me. I know you’re sorry. I’m sorry too, for all of it but right now, I just...don’t care about that.”

Timmy blinked up at him.

“I’m not saying that to minimize anything or saying you can’t feel sad about that lost time. Those years of being without you…” Armie sucked in a breath. “It’s not exaggerating at all to say it was torture, but right now - at this moment - I don’t care. There’s nothing we can do to change it and - call me selfish - but I don’t want to think about that when I feel like…” 

The joyous laugh that came out of him was enough to have Timmy smiling through his tears. 

“I wish I could bottle this feeling and never let it go.” Armie grasped his hands. “Before you said that being with me makes you happy - that this is the happiest moment of your life.”

“It is,” he responded with no hesitation, cradling Armie’s face. 

“Then that’s it.” Armie smiled with such warmth. “ Because this…” He gestured to where they were still joined. “And this…” He put his hand over Timmy’s heart and placed Timmy’s hand over his. “...Is all that matters. I’m right where I’ve always wanted to be. I’m home and I don’t want to spend another second dwelling on the time we lost. I’m so fucking happy now and I just want to stay here - in this moment now. Is that ok?”

“Of course it is.” Timmy kissed him, pulling back, both of their eyes sparkling with joy. 

They embraced for several moments but after a while, Armie pulled out gently and laid Timmy back on the bed. He hopped off and ran to the bathroom.

Leaning on his elbow, he enjoyed the view of Armie’s glorious ass. When he disappeared into the bathroom, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Now that his orgasm high was gone, his emotions had leveled off and he realized the truth in Armie’s beautiful words. 

There would be time to think about regrets later, even though he was also right there wasn’t much they could do about it. They couldn’t get that time back but instead of beating themselves up over it, they could focus on right now and on their future. 

They were young and, hopefully, had plenty of time to make up for the lost time. He planned on enjoying Armie at least a couple more times tonight.

Armie came back in, wiping himself with a towel, and then wiped down Timmy. He tossed the towel on the floor and crawled into bed. Once settled, he opened his arms.

Timmy chuckled before nestling himself in his arms and putting his head on his chest. He sighed as Armie wrapped his arms around him and started to play with his hair.

“I could get used to that.” He stroked his hand up and down Armie’s side.

“Good. I plan on doing it a lot.” Armie sounded so content it made him feel even more at peace. 

His fingers against his scalp felt so good and so relaxing and his mind started to drift, feeling exhausted after such amazing sex - and the sobbing afterward took its toll as well - until he remembered something Armie had said earlier and it perked him up.

“Armie?”

“Yes, babe?”

The term of endearment made him grin from ear-to-ear. “I like that.” He looked up at Armie who had a matching tranquil expression.

“Good to know, _babe_.” He kissed Timmy’s nose which scrunched up.

He butted his head against Armie’s hairy chest. “You said earlier you ended up writing your vows to me.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember what you wrote?” He peeked up at him.

“I wrote a lot. Most of it was kind of ramble-y.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“You want to hear how much I love you?” Armie said playfully, squeezing him closer to his chest.

“Yes.” His reply was automatic. 

It surprised him how quickly his response came and how strong his desire was to hear Armie’s vows. Maybe it was silly after what they just shared, but he wanted and needed to hear it.

“Okay.” Armie’s smile softened. “For too long, I didn’t take every opportunity I should have to tell you how I feel. I’ll never do that again. I’ll tell you every day.”

He wondered if he should grab tissues since he was already close to tears.

“I think I started off with this line I stole from a movie - ‘You make me want to be a better man.’ And then I realized that’s not true.” Armie sighed. “You know when you watch most movies about college, it’s sold as this time in your life where you start to become independent and figure out what you want and who you really are. It should be this exciting time, but when I got to college all I felt was this thousand-pound weight on my chest because I just _knew_ everything would be exactly the same. Before I left, my mom let me know that just because she wouldn’t be there, didn’t mean I wouldn’t be watched - ‘God was watching.’”

As he took a deep breath, Timmy held him tighter.

“All those same expectations and pressures were there. I was going to be put in that same box I couldn’t get out of in high school.”

When he gazed down at Timmy the darkness in his eyes instantly disappeared.

“I’m not exaggerating when I say the second I saw you it changed everything. I just felt lighter and I didn’t understand it. Then I met you and it just got better. You didn’t expect anything from me. You didn’t want anything from me. You just wanted to know me. You saw me - the real me - and you liked me. I think for the first time in my life I liked myself, too. With you, it’s not about being better - or perfect - you just accept me as I am and that’s enough.”

Well, he was right and he needed a tissue - or fifty tissues - as tears were now streaming down his face. 

“You’ve been by my side through it all and I don’t want it any other way. I want to share every moment of my life with you - the good, bad, and everything in between. I know that waking up to these _incredibly beautiful_ eyes,” he ran his thumb under Timmy’s damp eyes, “is all I need to be happy for the rest of my life.”

Armie kissed both of his eyes before pressing a sweet, lingering kiss on his lips.

“That was…” He clutched his chest. “God, I love you so much!” He grabbed his face and kissed him again. Armie smiled into the kiss.

“I love you, too.” He wiped away the last of his tears. “I’m glad you liked it, though I hope you’re happy because when we get married I’ll have to come up with all new vows.”

There was an all-new lump in his throat at how assured he sounded when he talked about them getting married.

Timmy swallowed, then playfully rolled his eyes. “Oh, big deal. We’re both writers. It shouldn’t be that hard.”

“You’re probably right. With you, I’m sure it won’t be.” He kissed the top of his head.

He snuggled in close, stroking the soft fur on Armie’s chest, and closing his eyes as he listened to his heartbeat. This time he didn’t fight sleep and practically purred when Armie ran his fingers through his hair. There was no doubt in his mind he would sleep well and have wonderful dreams because it was the first time he went to sleep knowing he was right where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me a comment, let me know what you thought! 
> 
> After the last chapter, I said there might be three more chapters, well I couldn't let these characters go and the story expanded slightly - so again there will probably be three more chapters after this one.
> 
> @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> @filmgeekstacey on Tumblr - let me know your thoughts here on AO3 or Tumblr. Thanks!


End file.
